Italian parents seek therapy over ‘nightmare' long school holidays
Stressed Italian parents are turning to psychiatrists to help them deal with the country's 'nightmare' long school holidays.
Italian state schools broke up on Friday for the usual three-month break, with groups of jubilant children gathering for the tradition of squirting each other with water pistols and tipping bags of flour over each other's heads.
For their parents, however, worry is setting in as to how to entertain their offspring until schools resume in September.
As more Italian grandparents keep working into their 70s, the traditional option of conscripting nonna e nonno is disappearing.
Along with Malta and Latvia, Italy's school summer holidays are the longest in Europe and have long been a source of angst for working mothers and fathers.
The number of parents who seek psychiatric help between June and August increases by up to 40 per cent, according to the Order of Psychologists of Lombardy.
Common complaints include anxiety, irritability and a sense of inadequacy, according to Mara Compagnoni, a psychologist.
'Holidays are meant to be an opportunity for the family to connect but the myth of the perfect holiday and the impossibility of satisfying the needs of children, work and partners often generates stress and frustration,' she told TGCom24, an Italian news website.
The annual struggle to secure childcare is a logistical, financial and even psychological challenge.
Among working mothers, 63 per cent say they feel 'exhausted' during the summer holidays because of the strain of juggling work and family.
'For parents, summer is a nightmare,' said Francesco Fiore, one of the founders of an irreverent blog called Mamma di Merda [Sh---y Mummy], which explores parenting issues.
The ordeal begins months before, as parents turn to spreadsheets in an effort to work out how they are going to have their children cared for while they are at work, she said.
The summer holidays are officially 13 to 14 weeks, but can be even longer.
Ms Fiore explained: 'When they reopen in September, schools are often disorganised. Staff have not been appointed and they often start in a partial way. Often it is not until late September that they get going properly.
'Society is changing profoundly – a lot of grandparents now work until they are 70, or they are not willing to do childcare, or they don't live nearby.
'Families who have grandparents who do not work are very fortunate.'
Many more Italian women now work compared to the past, when their mothers and grandmothers were resigned – if not content – to look after the kids all summer while their husbands went to work.
The situation has also been worsened by inflation and the cost-of-living crisis, which has meant that babysitting and summer camps, in either public or private facilities, are ever more expensive.
Around 72 per cent of families have to make big financial sacrifices to pay for childcare and summer camps, according to Altroconsumo, a consumer rights organisation, and Censis, a polling firm.
Some couples are compelled to go on holiday separately – dad will take the children off for a couple of weeks, then it is mum's turn, so that together they can cover a three or four-week block with their annual leave.
Others resign themselves to having their kids glued to screens for most of the day while they work from home.
Last year, Italian mothers launched a campaign to reduce the length of the school holidays, saying they were fed up with entertaining their children for three months each summer.
An online petition to have school terms lengthened and summer holidays reduced attracted more than 70,000 signatures.
'Don't trust all those idyllic photos you see on Instagram,' the newspaper La Repubblica commented. 'Summer is a nightmare for hundreds of thousands of Italian families.'
Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Washington Post
2 days ago
- Washington Post
Spaniards packing water pistols blame impact of mass tourism for housing crunch
BARCELONA, Spain — In Barcelona's residential Gràcia neighborhood known for its quaint squares, Txema Escorsa feels he is being left behind. The friendly faces of neighbors in his apartment building have been replaced by a non-stop flow of hard-partying foreigners, and his teacher's salary can't keep pace with the rising rent.
Yahoo
08-06-2025
- Yahoo
Italian parents seek therapy over ‘nightmare' long school holidays
Stressed Italian parents are turning to psychiatrists to help them deal with the country's 'nightmare' long school holidays. Italian state schools broke up on Friday for the usual three-month break, with groups of jubilant children gathering for the tradition of squirting each other with water pistols and tipping bags of flour over each other's heads. For their parents, however, worry is setting in as to how to entertain their offspring until schools resume in September. As more Italian grandparents keep working into their 70s, the traditional option of conscripting nonna e nonno is disappearing. Along with Malta and Latvia, Italy's school summer holidays are the longest in Europe and have long been a source of angst for working mothers and fathers. The number of parents who seek psychiatric help between June and August increases by up to 40 per cent, according to the Order of Psychologists of Lombardy. Common complaints include anxiety, irritability and a sense of inadequacy, according to Mara Compagnoni, a psychologist. 'Holidays are meant to be an opportunity for the family to connect but the myth of the perfect holiday and the impossibility of satisfying the needs of children, work and partners often generates stress and frustration,' she told TGCom24, an Italian news website. The annual struggle to secure childcare is a logistical, financial and even psychological challenge. Among working mothers, 63 per cent say they feel 'exhausted' during the summer holidays because of the strain of juggling work and family. 'For parents, summer is a nightmare,' said Francesco Fiore, one of the founders of an irreverent blog called Mamma di Merda [Sh---y Mummy], which explores parenting issues. The ordeal begins months before, as parents turn to spreadsheets in an effort to work out how they are going to have their children cared for while they are at work, she said. The summer holidays are officially 13 to 14 weeks, but can be even longer. Ms Fiore explained: 'When they reopen in September, schools are often disorganised. Staff have not been appointed and they often start in a partial way. Often it is not until late September that they get going properly. 'Society is changing profoundly – a lot of grandparents now work until they are 70, or they are not willing to do childcare, or they don't live nearby. 'Families who have grandparents who do not work are very fortunate.' Many more Italian women now work compared to the past, when their mothers and grandmothers were resigned – if not content – to look after the kids all summer while their husbands went to work. The situation has also been worsened by inflation and the cost-of-living crisis, which has meant that babysitting and summer camps, in either public or private facilities, are ever more expensive. Around 72 per cent of families have to make big financial sacrifices to pay for childcare and summer camps, according to Altroconsumo, a consumer rights organisation, and Censis, a polling firm. Some couples are compelled to go on holiday separately – dad will take the children off for a couple of weeks, then it is mum's turn, so that together they can cover a three or four-week block with their annual leave. Others resign themselves to having their kids glued to screens for most of the day while they work from home. Last year, Italian mothers launched a campaign to reduce the length of the school holidays, saying they were fed up with entertaining their children for three months each summer. An online petition to have school terms lengthened and summer holidays reduced attracted more than 70,000 signatures. 'Don't trust all those idyllic photos you see on Instagram,' the newspaper La Repubblica commented. 'Summer is a nightmare for hundreds of thousands of Italian families.' Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Yahoo
07-06-2025
- Yahoo
4 Things That Are Not Your Responsibility — Even If Your Anxiety Says They Are
Between work stress, family issues and just the reality of being human, it's easy to feel the pressure of the world on your shoulders. While certain stressors in life are inevitable, others don't need to be. Unfortunately, it can be hard to separate these things out, especially when anxious thoughts tell you that situations or reactions are your fault when actually they're not. For example, I personally am often focused on making other people happy ― even if that means totally diminishing my own needs. If someone's sad and I fail to cheer them up, I tell myself I should have done more or should have led them to a better decision to begin with. How's that for unfair and unnecessary pressure? If you've ever felt responsible for disappointing someone or felt at fault for someone's poor decision-making, you'll want to read on. Below, therapists share what's actually not our responsibility — even when we feel like (or have been told) it is. You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings or emotions. 'Each person's responsible for their own emotional responses, and it's important to remember that we can't control or dictate what others feel,' said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach. Our behaviors and actions can influence how someone feels, but their emotional response is their responsibility. For example, if a friend asks for a favor and you say no to their request, they may be understandably disappointed, but that disappointment is not your responsibility to manage. 'It's not my job to say yes to help them avoid the disappointment they might feel as a result of me saying no,' Howard added. This idea often results in pushback from clients, noted Emmalee Bierly, a licensed marriage and family therapist, co-owner of The Therapy Group and co-host of the 'ShrinkChicks' podcast. 'Other people's happiness is not your responsibility. Other people's sadness is not your responsibility. Every time you say this, some client will be like, 'Well, what do you mean? I made them feel that way,'' Bierly said. 'We're not saying that we can't hurt other people or that we shouldn't care how we treat people,' Bierly said. Just don't fall into the trap of sacrificing yourself to make someone feel better or feeling responsible for someone's discomfort. It can be tough to watch a loved one make decisions that are causing them harm, but that is not something you can control. 'When we see someone making decisions that are negatively affecting their lives, we might want to swoop in and rescue them ... seeing their well-being as our responsibility,' Howard said. But fixing someone's problem for them takes away the chance for them to learn and grow from their actions. 'Other people's decisions are their responsibility, and we can let go of the idea that we are responsible for their choices,' she said. 'The outcome of your efforts is not in the realm of your responsibility. What I mean by that is we often stress about achieving some sort of perfect outcome, which is really an unattainable standard,' Howard said. 'There are often many factors involved in what the outcome may be, some of which are out of our control.' For example, getting a promotion at work is out of your control. You can't control your company's budget or the decisions of higher-up managers, but you can control the steps you take to get a promotion. Instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on your efforts, she said, and let go of the result. It may feel like your responsibility to meet expectations from your family, friends or society as a whole, but it's really not. 'For example, just because it's someone's expectation for you to call them every day doesn't mean it's your responsibility to do so,' Howard said. 'Or just because society might imply that you need to be 'the good girl' that complies and doesn't make waves for anyone else, doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fall into that role.' These expectations are often unfair or don't align with your values. 'It's important to remember that just because there's an expectation, doesn't mean it's necessarily your responsibility to comply with it,' Howard said. 'Our anxiety hates it when we feel out of control,' Howard explained. 'So it's always going to be urging us back to a place of feeling more in control, even if what we're getting here is really just a false illusion of control.' When your anxious thoughts try to convince you that things like other people's decisions or emotions are your responsibility, it's your brain's way of trying to make you feel safe and less out of control, Howard said. 'Your anxiety is really attempting to protect you here, it's just that it's a bit misguided in its efforts, since a false sense of control or responsibility isn't really helping anything,' she added. It's important to understand the relationship between anxiety and control, Howard noted. 'First of all ... it increases our self-compassion when we understand what our brain is trying to do, but also it allows us to understand why there's such a strong urge to take responsibility for things that aren't ours.' This way, you can be in a better position to let go of those things, she said. Your anxiety also wants to keep you from sitting in discomfort, Bierly said. For instance, if you cancel plans with a friend, you'd likely rather over-explain your situation to avoid feelings of discomfort than just say, 'Sorry, I can't make it.' 'At the end of the day, you're actually really uncomfortable with making people upset, because that doesn't feel good for any of us. But we're also highly socialized — because we are community beings — to make other people happy, to not hurt others ... that's a good thing,' Bierly said. 'You are responsible for how you communicate, how you treat others and how you take care of your life, and your life also is the systems around you,' Bierly said. 'So, if I have three roommates and I leave the kitchen a mess, it's going to affect my roommates ... they wanted to use that pan to make their eggs tomorrow, and I didn't take it out of the sink. But, if someone was like, 'Oh, I'm depressed from that,' no that's not accurate, right? Things should have appropriate reactions.' 'Al-Anon has one of my favorite sayings ever, which is 'clear is kind' ... being clear to people about ourselves is our responsibility,' Bierly continued. Being clear, honest and kind are all things we can control, we can't control how someone will feel, how they'll react or what will happen next, she said. If you're clear about your boundaries and someone freaks out, you aren't responsible for their freak out. 'That's their shit,' Bierly said, adding that people's responses often come from the lens in which they see the world — their experiences, their history, trauma, how they were raised, and more. 'Sometimes you try your hardest and you say it the nicest way, you try to be clear, and it doesn't matter because it went through whatever lens someone else is looking at, and we don't have control over their lens of the world,' Bierly explained. It's not on you to try to control those around you or hold the responsibility of their emotions on your shoulders. That's an unfair burden that'll set you up for failure again and again. And, beyond failure, it'll just add more anxiety and stress to your life. Therapists Say These 6 Common Habits Are Fueling Your Anxiety The 1 Thing Therapists Say Harms Your Happiness The Most 6 'Soothing' Activities That Are Secretly Causing You More Anxiety
