‘It's time to eat, comrades!': When the struggle becomes a buffet for the powerful
Luxury cars, fake audits, and whisky-soaked denials—inside the mockery of accountability at the ANC's upper ranks.
Despite the large gas burners on the marble terrace, a chill wind drifting across the billionaire enclave of Steyn City meant the comrades were forced to head inside to the private room at the On Your Marx High Rollers Club.
Butlers took their Gucci and Versace mohair and leather jackets… but not before each of the wearers had made certain the others in the room took note of his excellent taste.
All of them in the room were men – equality between the sexes hadn't yet reached into the upper levels of the ANC in the province.
There was one last ritual all observed as they sat down around the highly polished mahogany table. Trying to look casual, they deposited their car key fobs from Europe's finest brands: a Range Rover here, a Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon there, a BMW 750Li or even an Audi e-Tron electric car (which, ironically, belonged to the man from City Power who had bought the plot next door for his own solar panel farm)… a Ferrari or Lamborghini.
When the butlers had returned with the crystal glasses loaded with Johnnie Blue doubles, all present got to their feet.
'Here's to us!' they said in unison as they slugged the scotch whisky which was worth more than a few Sassa grants per bottle.
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Comrade Rolex (it was obvious from whence his nickname came) said: 'I call this meeting of the Strategic Assessment Task Team to order!'
There were some smiles around the table… after a few drinks, the comrades would jokingly refer to the group as the 'I didn't join the Struggle to be Poor' club.
'The first order of business,' Comrade Rolex said, 'Is lifestyle audits…'
There was some angry head-shaking around the room.
'Comrade Double Entry,' said the portly man as he swigged his Johnnie, 'I thought your accounting company had that all under control.
'Yet, now we have Panyaza telling the world that 57% of the officials in his administration failed their audits…'
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Comrade Double Entry, the accountant who loaded the lifestyle audit tender by 200%, said: 'I tried to talk to Panyaza about that before the press conference, but he was looking at cars at the Porsche dealership…
'However, my understanding is that he will stick to the template we have been given from Luthuli House: make an announcement so it appears as though we are cracking down, then let everything slip quietly away on the basis that people have a right to respond…'
Then a murmur of approval went around the table.
'I see,' said Comrade Riviera (so named because of his favourite vacation spot), 'that Panyaza did say that those of us who failed would be moved, but nowhere did he say anything about disciplinary action or criminal charges. That's excellent.'
Comrade Shelf Company reminded the gathering that the tried and tested method of camouflage was to work through fronts and family members, as had been shown by Comrade Paul over the years.
'These journalists talk about the Alex Mafia and how a billion disappeared… yet nobody is in jail. They have no clue!'
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Laughter rippled around the room.
Comrade Rolex reminded them: 'It was sheer genius to appoint Shamila Batohi to the NPA. Even if she gets dockets from the Hawks and SIU and there are no mistakes in them, her people can't prosecute their way out of a wet paper bag!'
He added: 'Meeting concluded!'
The butlers re-entered.
'Time to eat, comrades!'
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