I can think of so many things I love. I'll bet you can, too, and it's empowering

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22-06-2025

Most friendships include the occasional commiseration conversation.
When we're young, those discussions center on homework or dating or parental interference. Eventually, we graduate to work disputes, financial woes and relationship friction.
Alas, I've reached the age at which those conversations are constant rather than occasional, and the sources of angst generally are weight gain, politics and maladies.
I pride myself on being a positive person, but sometimes waking up with aching knees and a bum shoulder can get depressing. Add to that a volatile stock market, sketchy medical bills and a car issue that may, or may not, be covered by warranty, and it's easy to wallow.
Then a friend shared this quote: 'Focus on the things you are for, not the things you are against. Many people spend large chunks of their day thinking about what they hate. They are always telling you about something they dislike: this food, that subject, this political party, that co-worker. You are more than your frustrations. Build your identity around what you love.'
It's attributed to James Clear, author of 'Atomic Habits,' though the Google could neither confirm nor deny its origins.
Regardless, the message is empowering.
So here goes, a few things I love:
— I've taken up swimming for the second summer. I've worked my way up to swimming three times a week, one mile at a time. I've learned not to plan anything within two hours of a swim session, because it takes me that long to stop sweating. The thing I love most about swimming? I barely feel those achy joints anymore.
— The babies have grown up and gone to college. The toddlers have toddlers of their own. That's how long my family has been gathering for our annual summer reunions. You'd think we'd be tired of them by now, but we're not. This year's trip is three weeks out, and the phone calls and group texts are in full swing as we plan meals, field trips and cabin assignments. I've also started stocking up on Publix BOGOs. (Yay for free Pop-Tarts!)
— I recently started driving a new-to-me car that came equipped with Apple CarPlay. How have I driven four and a half decades without being able to shuffle my Pandora stations? Any drive is better when it features Billy Joel, Bonnie Raitt, Tyler Childers, the Partridge Family, Marcia Ball and Willie Nelson. It's also kind of awesome having an on-screen map that tells me when I'm 12 minutes from home.
— After 21 years of marriage, my husband knows I'm dead calm when I've sliced off the tip of my finger while cutting potatoes. Blood-curdling screams are saved for flying roaches.
— I have solved one of the world's greatest mysteries: Where errant socks go. Turns out we're not paranoid. The washing machine really does eat them. At least mine does. Socks like to get caught in the rubber gasket that seals my front-load washer. Sorry, pups. Didn't mean to wrongly accuse you.
— And while we're talking about pups, my life is good. There are people who are literally allergic to dogs.
— I love having friends who run the gamut when it comes to age, gender and political preferences. They make me smarter, and they make me laugh. They help me understand different perspectives, and they validate my beliefs. A life of homogeneity would be so dull.
These are just a few of the things around which I want to build my identity. Now it's your turn. Will you focus on the things you love? Or will you let the things you hate define you?
Suzy Fleming Leonard is a retired journalist who spent 25 years as a writer, editor and columnist at FLORIDA TODAY. Reach her at [e-mail].
This article originally appeared on Florida Today: When you fill your life with love, there's no room for hate | Leonard