Latest news with #selfimprovement
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Life isn't fair or easy, but forgiveness and love help us move forward
Life is not always fair. I know people who are or have been in difficult situations. Often forgiveness and love help them in navigating life. That means self-forgiveness, too. I listened to a person share that they can forgive others much easier than they can forgive themselves. This reminds me of a picture of a boxing ring with only one person in it. The person is taking a pummeling, but they are beating themselves up. Not that each of us should not own our piece of a situation, but I find people can be hard on themselves. When I was 31, I entered therapy for the first time. I was so sad. It was a feeling that I had dug a deep hole for myself that I could never dig out of. I shared with the therapist all the mistakes I had made. She pointed out the good qualities she recognized in me. When she did this, I became uncomfortable. She then told me that I let in negatives and filter out positives. I share this story often. The message is, Do not filter out positives. When people receive positive feedback, an initial reaction can be deflection. I say to someone what a good job they are doing, and the response might be, 'It is nothing,' or, 'Anyone would do the same thing,' or, 'It was luck.' I then encourage the person to say 'thank you' without deflecting the positive. As I also often share, it takes hearing three positives to one negative for a person to feel good. A person will never feel good if they do not let in the positives. Forgiveness fits in this space. Yes, one can regret the past and learn from it, but to move forward, forgiveness is important. It is by forgiving others that we learn how to forgive ourselves. Another word that ties in here is love. A statement heard in the rooms of recovery is, We will love you until you learn to love yourself. This statement is so powerful. It is what we're called to do for others and for ourselves. A few tips: You do not have to be alone. Reach out to others for help. Yes, it is good to be self-aware and identify areas to be improved upon and actions to apologize for. However, do not filter out the positives. Here is an exercise I share in meetings: I have people write their name on top of a piece of paper. The papers are then passed around the group. Each person can pass or choose to write something about the person whose paper they have in front of them. When the papers are completed, each person leaves with a list of positives written on their paper. It helps people with their ability to see what is right. Do not hold on to anger or resentment. Forgive yourself and others. Love freely. Do not hold back on letting people know you love them. We will never regret sharing love. We are blessed to be alive. Do your best to live in the now. Each day is a gift to be opened and lived…that's why they call it the present. Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book Building a Vibrant Community is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries. He can be reached at Quint@ This article originally appeared on Pensacola News Journal: Studer Life isn't easy, but forgiveness and love help us move forward
Daily Mail
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Cheryl Burke defiantly addresses scrutiny over her physical transformation
Cheryl Burke wants to change the conversation about her appearance. The Dancing With The Stars pro, 41, opened up about the scrutiny she has been facing over her physical transformation in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. While she is aware she 'signed up' for the attention by virtue of being famous, she still feels gaslit when when hit with comments about her physical appearance and would prefer to focus on all the work she has done from herself 'from the inside out.' She told the outlet: 'Let's talk about mental health, let's talk about like what I've done as far as the last few years when I haven't been in the spotlight but I have done so much work on myself from the inside out. 'And for me, you know, I'm proud of that work and I wish the conversation would be more towards and geared towards that instead of "She is on Ozempic, she got a whole face lift and everything about her has changed"... gaslighting. 'If I were to say it doesn't affect me, I'd be lying. But does it affect me as bad as it did when I was on the show? Not even close!... I know I've signed up for it, I understand, I'm a public figure, I'm not trying to stop anything from happening. From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new Showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. 'But I just am here to hopefully influence anyone who is in a similar position as me or who can relate, especially young women, that, you know, there is more depth to a human being than their outside physical appearance.' Cheryl - who was married to Boy Meets World star Matthew Lawrence from 2019 until 2022 - has suffered from body dysmoprhia for most of her life, and admitted that it reached its peak when she had to undergo regular fittings during her time on the ABC dance competition and she became obsessed with her weight. She said: 'I do suffer from body dysmorphia... especially as a dancer in front of mirrors. Constantly. Since I was a little girl, and this was even before my Dancing with the Stars career. 'My weight has always been an issue but I think what people sometimes don't understand is it is a lot of work, it takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of self-care... In the height of my insecurity and my body dysphoria was weekly fittings on the show. 'And I don't blame the show by any means; but it's just the name of the game... squeezing into these costumes, and it is what it is. But it would affect me to the point where I would weigh myself constantly. I would travel with a scale. That's crazy, that is definitely on a whole other level and I knew this could no longer continue. The number would affect my every day, just would dictate how I feel.' She attributed her weight loss to the food program Zen and shifting her eating habits. Her interview comes after Cheryl slammed social media critics commenting about her appearance. The Dancing With The Stars professional dancer took to her TikTok page last week to dispel rumors that she was using weight-loss drug Ozempic. 'Let's just address the elephant in the comment section. I'm not on Ozempic. I'm not sick. I didn't get a face transplant, and no, I didn't get a brow lift,' she said in the TikTok video as she took her makeup off. 'The level of projection that is happening and that I'm witnessing is wild,' the star said, referring to the countless comments fans have left under her videos regarding her changed appearance. 'This is not Cheryl Burke,' one person wrote under her previous video, which featured the star dancing, while another said: 'GLP1 Final Boss' and someone else said 'Ozempic Cheryl.' The way some of you guys talk about me, it's like you think I'm a headline or a filter, not a person. But what really gets me, "We miss the old Cheryl."' 'Suite Life of Zack and Cody Cheryl. Back in 2006, Dancing With The Stars season two when I was 21 years old. Or the three years ago Cheryl when I was going through a divorce. Because I hate to break it to you, but that Cheryl doesn't exist anymore,' she said as she wiped off her makeup. Adding: 'The assumptions are just exhausting as hell. The accusations are completely cruel and the fact that so many of them are coming from women - that's what's so shocking and hurtful to be quite honest.' Cheryl went on to say in the TikTok: 'I have been in the public eye since I was 21 years old. My body has changed over the past 20 years. My face has changed because I have changed. I've experienced so much trauma, divorce and this is by no means a pity party, sobriety, burn out, reinvention, I've healed, I've lost, I've grieved like anybody else and yeah, maybe it shows but I'm not sorry for it, not one bit.' 'Do you want to know what's really changed? My passion, my purpose, my commitment to using this platform for something real. But what's been so challenging honestly lately is this pressure to prove that I haven't done something. To convince people that honestly my healing is valid, simply because it doesn't come with a before and after label they approve of,' she said. 'I'm still the same person that advocated for mental health and body image for years' noting that she does it different now,' adding that 'this is me at 41. I'm still healing, still growing and still choosing to show up.' The star noted that if 'you're here to speculate, compare, or demand answers that you're not entitled to, you're not welcome' in her space that she created. She added the caption: 'I'm not on Ozempic. I'm not sick. I didn't get "a new face." Stop dissecting women's bodies like they belong to you. This is YOUR reminder: I don't owe you an explanation for my healing or for anything quite frankly. Let this be the last time I have to say it,' adding hashtags: '#stopbodyshaming #realtalk #mentalhealthawareness.' Cheryl got a divorce from actor Matthew Lawrence in 2022 after they were married for three years. He went on to date TLC singer Rozonda 'Chilli' Thomas. Cheryl became a household name on Dancing With The Stars, which she appeared in for 26 seasons until her retirement from the show in 2022.
New York Times
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Does a Lion Concern Itself With Memes?
If people on your social media feed are suddenly referring to themselves in the third person — and as lions no less — you're not alone. The Sigma Lion meme, in which people refer to 'the lion,' often as a veiled reference to themselves, has become somewhat ubiquitous online. If that makes no sense to you, here's some helpful background. OK, where did this come from? To understand the usage of 'the lion,' you have to first understand 'sigma grindset,' a TikTok trend that gained popularity in 2022 and merges two subcultures. A 'sigma,' in social media slang, is a successful and highly independent man. The concept was popularized in the 'manosphere,' a corner of the internet largely populated by young men that frequently promotes anti-feminist and misogynistic rhetoric, and it has spread out from there, becoming frequent slang in high schools and middle schools. The second subculture is made up of people who commit to a 'grindset' lifestyle, which glorifies a specific type of hard work that prioritizes self-improvement, productivity and discipline at the expense of leisure. Think Ashton Hall's viral morning routine. Sigma grindset takes the mentality of the sigma world and combines it with the commitment to hustle culture from the grindset, and that all manifests in the discussion of 'the lion.' Why is a lion involved? The usage of a lion in this context is nothing new. A popular saying in sigma grindset circles is 'The lion does not turn around when the small dog barks,' which has been attributed to a supposed African proverb. But there is also a famous line from 'Game of Thrones' in which Tywin Lannister says, 'A lion does not concern himself with the opinion of a sheep.' Similar constructions are abundant, and they are rarely attributed to specific sources. As with so many memes, the quotations were originally shared earnestly, before being co-opted by those who wanted to satirize and mock the concept. Some interpretations were outlandish, some were funny and more than a few carried racist or offensive messages. The meme took on a life of its own when people began discussing even odder things the lion does or does not do, like not concerning itself with child labor laws or not tipping minimum wage workers. In a short period of time, it has morphed, for some, into a way to share more petty grievances, like not having asked for pickles. I still don't get it. Fair! The meme and its variants require a slight sprinkle of brain rot, meaning you have to spend a lot of time on social media — primarily in Gen Z and Gen Alpha circles — to truly grasp them. Honestly, the less you know the better — after all, the lion does not concern itself with stories explaining memes.
Forbes
3 days ago
- General
- Forbes
Dealing With Setbacks: A Modern Stoic Approach To Anger Management
Travertine pools in Pamukkale This article may seem at odds with others I have written about the value of emotions and emotional expression—but hear me out. I recently picked up William Irvine's 2019 book, 'The Stoic Challenge: A Philosopher's Guide to Becoming Tougher, Calmer and More Resilient.' His modern application of Stoicism offers a worthy counterbalance to the exhortation/meme to 'feel all the feels,' and provides some great practical advice on dealing with setbacks. I'm generally a fan of emotions. They are the texture and quality of an experience—not just what happened, but what it meant; not just what you learned, but how it touched you or sparked something within. Emotions are data that clue you in to what matters: anger might indicate that a core value, like fairness or justice, is being violated; contentment is a sign that your needs are being met; fear of losing something or someone signals how much you cherish them. Emotions can provide inspiration or fuel for action to create a positive future. And a shared emotion, such as parents' love for their child, can bond us to one another. But indulging emotions can interfere with our ability to move through setbacks. So-called 'negative' emotions—more accurately described as 'difficult' or 'unpleasant'—can cloud our thinking and undermine our agency. When we experience a setback, anger can cause us to lash out at others in unproductive ways; and anger's cousin, blame, can trap us in self-righteousness or victimization. None of this helps solve the problem. Imagine you're heading to a meeting and reach the bus stop just as your bus pulls away. The next one isn't due for 20 minutes. Now what? You could curse the driver—who could clearly see you running to catch the bus—for not waiting for you. You could rage at the MTA for budget cuts that reduced the frequency of buses. You could kick yourself for lingering over breakfast, or fume about having to do the dishes your kids left in the sink. None of this changes the situation. At best, it wastes energy; at worst, it makes things worse by blocking clear thinking. Getting swept up in difficult emotions can amplify suffering—but suppressing them isn't the answer either. Stuffing your anger can be a short-term fix, but over the long haul, you pay a price for bottling up emotions—either by blowing up later or through health problems like ulcers, high blood pressure, etc. Back to the bus stop. What if you could skip the anger and blame? You could choose to use your time more constructively or pleasantly. You could pop into the coffee shop for a latte. You could read over your notes and prepare for the meeting. You could consult the map and realize that walking will get there earlier than the next bus would deliver you, and it's a nice day for a walk! Irvine's modern take on the philosophy of the Greek Stoics calls on us to rise to the occasion when we hit a setback, not by suppressing emotion, but instead by not allowing ourselves to get angry in the first place. They understood that while we can't control external events, we can control our reactions. According to Irvine, the Stoics (currently enjoying a popular resurgence among Silicon Valley dudes sometimes called 'Broicism') were not anti-emotion, but were concerned with reducing the experience of negative emotion, specifically frustration, grief, envy and anger, which Irvine calls 'anti-joy.' He quotes Seneca's On Anger, 'No plague has cost the human race more.' Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl is credited with saying,'Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.' Irvine gives that space a time frame: five seconds to reframe a setback before difficult emotions can take hold. His Stoic Challenge framework invites you to see a setback not as something terrible, blameworthy or unfair but instead as a test of your ingenuity and resilience. When you miss the bus or get passed over for promotion, don't leap to 'how terrible, this is bad' and its accompanying feelings of dismay, anger or blame. Instead, reframe the situation as a challenge being offered to you by the Stoic Gods (Irvine's construct; insert any real or imagined being with your best interests at heart). Welcome it as an opportunity to practice virtue, find a clever work-around, and grow stronger. Irvine offers the following approaches to reframing a setback: It could be worse: Practice brief 'negative visualizations' to build gratitude. Stuck without your luggage? At least the plane landed safely. No villain: Resist the urge to assign malicious intent. People may be overcommitted, incompetent—or simply human. This is a story/funny: Imagine the story you'll tell later. Humor helps keep perspective and authorship calls you to agency rather than reactivity. This is a game: You chose this 'field of play.' Challenges are part of the game. How will you meet them? This is a test: See the setback as a challenge from the 'Stoic Gods' to help you grow stronger. Keep your cool and get to work! By offering these alternate frames, he invites us to turn obstacles into a choose-your adventure story. Don't get me wrong—I am still in favor of attending to our emotions and those of others. Irvine's book offers a fresh take on ancient wisdom and provides a handy toolkit for facing setbacks, but it has real limitations and still leaves me somewhat unsatisfied. His approach focuses on the individual and risks turning others into objects. Additionally, though he draws on psychological research, the author dismisses psychotherapy in ways that overlook mental illness and trauma and their profoundly debilitating effects. And for someone whose approach is mind-centric, Irvine doesn't even acknowledge the existence or value of mindfulness meditation practices in managing anger and other difficult emotions. Finally, while he asserts that the Stoic's goal is to eliminate or reduce only unpleasant emotions but not joy or delight, he overlooks how deeply grief and joy are often intertwined in lived experience. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with Irvine: most of us have more capacity to meet adversity than we realize. I'm glad to add the 'Stoic Challenge' framework to my coaching toolkit.
Forbes
4 days ago
- Business
- Forbes
5 ChatGPT Prompts To Reveal What You're Really Afraid Of
5 ChatGPT prompts to reveal what you're really afraid of Fear runs your life disguised as logic. You call it hesitation. You explain it away. But you're running from something. Judgment, exposure, or being wrong. You freeze before big decisions. You make excuses when opportunity knocks. What if confronting these hidden fears could transform your business faster than any strategy or tactic ever could? These prompts pull out the real fears holding you back so you can look them in the eye. Copy, paste and edit the square brackets in ChatGPT, and keep the same chat window open so the context carries through. You already have the answer. Deep down, you know exactly what's stopping you. Maybe it's an uncomfortable truth about your business model or a conversation you're avoiding. The cost of ignoring it grows every day. But your success depends on facing what you're pretending not to see. You need to move forward with your eyes wide open. "Based on what you know about me and my business from our conversations, what might I be pretending not to know? Look for patterns in my questions, concerns, or areas where I seem to circle back repeatedly. Identify three specific blind spots or uncomfortable truths I might be avoiding. For each one, explain why facing this reality would benefit me and what the cost of continued avoidance might be. Ask for more detail if required." Everyone performs for someone. You make choices based on what you think others expect, even when no one's watching. This invisible audience shapes your business decisions more than you realize. Sometimes it's past critics. Sometimes it's imaginary judges. Either way, their opinions shouldn't run your life. Freedom comes when you build for yourself, not for the crowd. "Based on our previous conversations, analyze whose judgment or opinions might be influencing my decisions and holding me back. Identify three specific 'invisible audiences' I seem concerned about pleasing or avoiding criticism from. For each one, suggest what I might do differently if I wasn't concerned about their judgment. Then, help me create three power statements I can use when I notice myself making decisions based on others' expectations rather than my own values. Ask for more detail if required." Playing safe feels comfortable but costs more than you think. That business pivot you're putting off. The difficult client conversation you're avoiding. The process you know needs changing. Each day of delay has a price tag. When you add it up, inaction often costs more than action. Confront it head on. Understand the price you're paying by not taking action. Stop making excuses and start making progress. "Based on what you know about my business challenges and goals, help me calculate the real cost of avoiding the difficult actions I know I should take. First, identify three important actions I seem hesitant about based on our previous conversations. For each one, calculate: 1) The weekly financial cost of inaction, 2) The monthly opportunity cost, 3) The emotional and reputation cost over one year. Present the total cost for each avoided action and ask which one I'd like to address first. Ask for more detail if required." The stories you tell yourself create your reality. "I'm not good with numbers." "I can't sell." "I'm not ready yet." These narratives feel like protection but actually lock you in place. When I built my social media agency to run without me, I had to rewrite the story that I needed to be involved in every client decision. You can change any narrative that's keeping you small. Start with spotting the lies you've been telling yourself. "Based on our conversations, identify three limiting stories I seem to be telling myself about my abilities, potential, or circumstances. For each story, provide: 1) Evidence from my past successes that contradicts this limiting belief, 2) A more empowering alternative narrative I could adopt, and 3) One immediate action I could take that would begin to rewrite this story. Present these in a clear, direct format that challenges me to see the gap between my self-perception and reality. Ask for more detail if required." Failure isn't the only thing that scares you. Success brings change, attention, and responsibility. It means stepping into a bigger version of yourself. The fear of what might happen if everything goes right can be more paralyzing than the fear of what might go wrong. Recognizing this counter-intuitive barrier might be your biggest breakthrough. "Based on what you know about my personality and goals, help me explore what might scare me about actually succeeding. First, describe three specific ways my life would change if I achieved everything I'm working toward. For each scenario, identify: 1) What new responsibilities or expectations this success would create, 2) What identity shifts I would need to make, and 3) What relationships might be challenged by this new reality. Present this analysis in a way that helps me see how fear of success might be influencing my current actions. Ask for more detail if required." When you name the fear, it shrinks. When you ignore it, it runs the show. Every business decision is filtered through what you're afraid might happen. Face what you're avoiding. Notice who you're performing for. Calculate the cost of inaction. Question the stories holding you back. And consider what scares you about success. Naming these fears strips them of power. You can't outrun what you refuse to see. The person you become by facing your fears is infinitely more powerful than the one who hides from them. Get all my best ChatGPT content prompts.
