What Is ‘Lighthouse Parenting'? A Child Psychologist Shares the Benefits

Yahoo

11-05-2025

Parenting isn't simply straightforward parenting these days. Currently, psychologists have taken to naming and defining different variations of parenting, from 'commando parenting' to 'FAFO parenting' to 'free range parenting.' But have you heard of one of the latest terms to start getting buzz—'lighthouse parenting'? These days, gentle parenting, attachment styles and common mistakes made by moms and dads seem to get most of the public's attention—after all, there are phrases that experts recommend avoiding, habits that should be stopped and more. But there are also suggestions on what habits to begin doing instead, which leads us to lighthouse parenting.Ahead, we'll explain the ins and outs of this parenting style, according to a child psychologist.
Initially defined by Dr. Kenneth Ginsberg as a form of balanced parenting that's both warm and empathic, essentially, lighthouse parenting provides the structure needed to 'keep children safe from harm and support their growth independence,' says child psychologist Dr. Caroline Danda. This is a form of parenting when parents show up consistently. As Dr. Danda describes, the lighthouse metaphor denotes parents who watch and prepare their children to navigate rocky shores and offer a secure base where children can venture out into the world—but return to their parents for support and guidance. 'Lighthouse parenting is not a new type of parenting, but rather revisits the concept of authoritative parenting, first championed by Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, and how to strategically apply these principles in today's world,' Dr. Danda explains. 'The focus is on developing meaningful, secure attachments through open communication, and setting expectations that allow growth and independence, based on the needs of the child and the environment.' This type of parenting actually tones down the focus on ensuring that kids are happy and successful in life. Rather, lighthouse parenting fosters qualities that can support growth and resilience, and acknowledges the reality that everyone struggles in life.Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say
'Being a stable force in your child's life means having solid ground underneath your feet,' says Dr. Danda. 'If we want our children to grow and thrive, we need to be able to embrace being human, taking care of our needs with self-compassion. Our kids trust we can support them and won't be overwhelmed by their challenges.'
Lighthouse parenting isn't about being the 'perfect parent.' Instead, it's all about embracing both strengths and flaws, and models a growth mindset, as Dr. Danda says, adding, 'We know that actions speak louder than words.'
Dr. Danda says that communicating effectively is a major part of lighthouse parenting, with its core found in active listening. To listen actively, you'll be curious about your child and their perspective, and in the process, you'll make them feel seen and heard.
To keep your kids safe while lighthouse parenting, Dr. Danda says that you'll set clear boundaries around safety.
'At the same time, we offer kids gradual independence to take more risks and learn from experience,' she says. 'Essentially, kids know how far they can veer from shore.'
'The key component in building resilience is helping our children learn to embrace uncertainty, knowing they have support, in us and others, to navigate life's challenges,' Dr. Danda says.
Although it might feel difficult, within lighthouse parenting, you'll allow your children to 'fail at the little things' so they can build skills from experiences and have 'the knowledge they need to weather the storms,' Dr. Danda shares. Additionally, she says that you'll provide a 'beacon of hope and safety' when you equip your children, as best as you can, with the tools they need and the knowledge you will remain available to support them.
'As children grow and mature, their sense of self evolves,' Dr. Danda shares. 'As parents, we are a reliable source that nurtures their strengths. We see our children's inherent good, no matter their challenges.' Related: These 125 Quotes on Being a Parent Will Give You All the Feelings
From her professional viewpoint, Dr. Danda observes that lighthouse parenting is associated with improved academic achievement, social competence and higher self-esteem. 'Because the focus is less on happiness as a measure of success, lighthouse parents tend to be less controlling. In contrast, a helicopter or snowplow parent tries to make life easier for their children but inadvertently undermines the child's ability to gain confidence through mastery. Children may also base self-worth primarily on achievement,' Dr. Danda says.Related: Why Apologizing to Your Kids Is Important—Plus, Therapists Explain How To Do It Effectively
Dr. Danda shares her top tips for exercising lighthouse parenting:
Paraphrasing and validating are truly parent superpowers. They slow down the conversation, allow children to feel seen and heard (but it doesn't mean you agree) and give parents time to think through the situation and respond versus react. It's also great modeling for effective communication and the foundation for building meaningful relationships.
Listening is essential, particularly when children are sharing problems. Don't jump into conclusions, problem-solving, consequences or lessons to be learned too quickly.
Cope out loud. When we cope well, it's usually an internal process of how we go from problem to calming to solutions. In contrast, kids can see when we aren't particularly resilient. Narrate identifying the problem, using self-calming skills and problem-solving.
Take care of yourself. Model self-care and self-compassion. Nurture in yourself the same qualities that you want to see in your children.
Be intentional and set aside time to reflect. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day busyness of life. When we're constantly on the go, we become more reactive rather than thoughtfully responsive.
Focus more on nurturing what's going well and your child's strengths rather than constantly pointing out their challenges. I like to say you can focus on pulling weeds, but if you don't nurture and plant the grass, then it's easy for the weeds to grow back.
Celebrate and notice effort and qualities more than simply outcomes and achievements. It's through these qualities and perseverance that achievements occur.
Prioritize family time, whether it's board games, family dinners, yard work, chores or watching shows. Spend time together. The best conversations often occur in the most mundane moments.
Consider family meetings as a way to check in and create a sense of investment in the family.
Set aside tech-free zonesand times (like during meals) so there are more opportunities to interact.
Up Next:Dr. Caroline Danda, child psychologist.