People Are Sharing The "Silent" Red Flags People Don't Notice In Relationships, And This Is Need-To-Know Information
Every person has a dealbreaker, but sometimes it's not always obvious at first glance. Reddit user PayOptimal9051 recently asked, "What's a silent red flag most people don't notice in relationships?" Here's what to look out for:
1."When someone never apologizes, even for small things. It seems minor at first, but over time, it shows they might not take accountability or be open to real communication."
—u/Street_Wealth9639
2."They listen to argue, not to understand."
—u/Striking_Voice3290
3."Pay attention to how they treat others. You may be the only person he or she doesn't blow off and treats with respect. Yeah, you're their special someone for now. As soon as you're not as special anymore, they will blow you off the same way they do everyone else, but they will expect you to continue to treat them well."
—u/serene_brutality
4."They only spend time with you when they feel it's convenient."
—u/followthefool
5."The lack of conflict in a relationship could either be excellent communication skills or that someone (maybe both people!) in the relationship isn't being honest about how they feel. Conflict is inevitable in a relationship, the trick is finding healthy ways of dealing with it."
—u/GinGimlet
6."When they barely text you back, but they return texts almost immediately when you are with them."
—u/wing3d
7."Making assumptions about how you feel, and cementing them as fact without ever actually talking to you. It's being in a relationship with somebody that makes up your narrative, and who isn't able to have the hard conversations. Because, spoiler alert, they're normally wrong."
—u/FiddleLeafFig3
8."You find yourself being relieved when they cancel plans instead of disappointed."
—u/MildlyCuriousOne
9."They keep a mental scoreboard. You might notice little comments like, 'Oh, remember that time I did that for you? I guess that doesn't matter now.' Or, 'Well, I did help you last week, so you owe me.' It doesn't seem like a big deal until every favor feels transactional. You end up feeling guilty anytime you ask for something, and your relationship starts to feel like a business deal instead of a partnership."
—u/_Snaccidental_Queen
10."When they tell you, 'You made me do that,' to justify their negative actions, like they were not a bad person, but you pushed them to be one."
—u/NoPsychology4665
11."One person always accommodates the other, which leads to a perceived absence of conflict. In reality, the partner doing the accommodating is likely not having their own needs met. While the partner who is always getting their way is likely to be perfectly happy with the situation."
—u/all_neon_like_13
12."They make fun of your goals and interests, even as a joke."
—u/Hour-Meet8153
13."You feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells — not because they explode in anger, but because they shut down, deflect, or subtly guilt trip you when you express needs or concerns."
—u/ColdAntique291
14."Any feeling that you can't fully be yourself around them."
—u/ScienceGeeker
15."They're never happy for anyone, no matter what it is. They always put down their friends' accomplishments, relationships, whatever."
—u/Lexifer31
16."Somebody who doesn't try to get to know your friends."
—u/wolfyish
17."Never being able to spend more than a day at home together. If you can't spend two or more days home with your partner, I think it speaks to a bigger issue."
—u/Minimum-Kangaroo
18."Gaslighting. Nobody gets to tell you your feelings."
—u/Royal_Slip_7848
19."When you share things in confidence, and then they turn around and weaponize it when there's conflict."
—u/glittering_entry_
20."Doing most, if not all, of the emotional work on your own."
—u/Streuselsturm
21."Boundaries that they create for you, but pass off as boundaries for themselves."
—u/pushstartthewhip
22."Unresolved childhood trauma, the consequences of which you will eventually pay for."
—u/BeautifulArtichoke37
23."When your partner doesn't remember the small details about you."
—u/findmeinthebedlol
24."Lying about small stuff."
—u/MmmmmmKayyyyyyyyyyyy
25."No manners. They don't say thank you to people who go out of their way to do small nice things like moving out of their way in public spaces, holding open the door, letting them go ahead in a line or queue, etc. They don't say please when they ask for something. It costs nothing not to be an insufferable dick."
—u/OldSchoolRollie62
26."They never respect your personal time."
—u/DamianC469
27."They are never there, even when they are with you. There is always something more important. It is always your responsibility to work on the relationship, and that gets tiring."
—u/OkTank4107
28."Resentment. It doesn't matter if it's dressed up as humor. It's the ultimate killer of relationships that's often only noticed when things have gone down the drain. Sometimes couples refuse to see it even when a counselor tells them right to their face about it."
—u/blad02887f
29."If they're leaving someone to pursue you, they'll leave you to pursue someone else."
—u/Hazard___7
30.And finally, "More like a 'slow burn' of a red flag. When your partner picks up the same hobbies or interests. At first, it seems fun to share things you enjoy together. But it's happened to me twice now where it felt like my partner lost themselves and was turning into me. Everything we talked about were things I did or enjoyed, that they now did, too, and they completely stopped their hobbies and interests."
—u/relsayshi
What's a "silent" red flag in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments or using the anonymous form below.
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