37 Heartbreaking Moments When People First Realized There Was Something "Off" About Their Family As Kids
NOTE: There are mentions of abuse and suicide.
1."I went to a friend's house after school one day, and her mum called us down for dinner. I was astonished that the whole family sat at the table, ate together, chatted, joked, and laughed. They actually seemed to be ENJOYING each other's company. There was no tension, no one was yelling or being sullen, no hint of threat in the air. Just a simple, fun dinner. Apparently, they did that every night! Shocking behavior. I privately thought her family was really weird for that, but once I started making more friends, I began to realize it was MY family that was 'weird.'"
—u/saludpesetasamor
2."When I told a funny story about the time my dad was getting ready to give me a belting, but he was so furious he didn't keep a good grip on me, and I dodged the blow, and he whacked himself across the shins...that was at a party in university. I'll never forget how I finished the story with a chuckle, only to be met by a wall of horrified silence. Later, a friend took me aside and kindly informed me that it wasn't funny or normal for a dad to routinely beat their child with a leather belt."
—u/unrepentantgeraldine
3."I entered public school at thirteen and was bullied by the kids, who immediately picked up on my lack of social skills. I was as polite and pleasant to them as I would be to anyone. A month later, once I had established my first-ever friend group, they told me how unusual my inability to be bothered by bullies was, citing my extraordinary ability to be unbothered by verbal abuse. Being taunted for my physical appearance wasn't unusual to me because that's how my parents spoke to me. That's when I knew my parents were different. It had never occurred to me that my parents were different because I had just always known they didn't like me and that being laughed at and called names by them was just how they treated me."
"Apparently, it's really unsettling to bullies when you genuinely laugh off their comments or double down and provide an even worse description of your failings without having any negative emotions around it. It made me feel very proud of myself for the things I knew I was good at and, in an odd way, provided me the confidence to be curious. My parents didn't care about me or anything I did, so I had to seek out what was important to me and accept the influence of people I genuinely respected and admired."
—u/That-Condition9243
4."The first afternoon I spent with my best friend's (and now partner's) family, I was six years old. I fell and scraped my knee, as six-year-olds do. His dad rushed over and helped me up, telling me it'd be okay and that I was okay and that we'd go clean it up inside. I had never had an adult clean my cuts before. No one had ever taken care of me before, not since I was old enough to feed, dress, and bathe myself. I realized then that my parents were supposed to take care of me."
—u/tired-activist-shit
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5."I spent an afternoon at my friend's house when I was about eight. Her dad randomly asked us if we wanted to do anything fun, and he ended up teaching me how to play Monopoly and how to ride a bicycle. It was then that I realized that spending quality time with their kids is something that normal parents do. In our house, my parents would never do anything with us during their free time outside of going to the mall and eating out."
—u/yodelingllama
6."When I heard a classmate's mom tell my parents about how much she adored me and how much I lit the room up with my personality, and she said that she was glad I was friends with her daughter. I never heard anyone in my family speak with that level of positivity and depth about anyone, including family. I was confused as to why I could leave an impact on essentially a woman I interacted with in passing, but my parents couldn't even remember what grade I was in."
—u/3D_Otters
7."I remember being jealous because all my friends had curfews. My parents would never notice if I didn't come home. It felt like such a caring and lovely thought to think a parent expected a kid to be home at a certain time each night and would even sit up and wait for them to return."
—u/Cleanclock
8."The day my mother insisted I go to the bank with her, I didn't feel like going, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I was 18. I accidentally slammed my thumb with the car door; it was bleeding, and the nail was coming off, so I got out to take care of it. She was so angry that I wasn't going after all that she burned rubber leaving — no concern about me whatsoever, then or later on. I didn't have my keys, so I was locked out. I had to walk a mile to the neighbor's for help with my thumb. When I told them what happened, the look of horror on their faces told me none of that was normal."
—u/LucilleBluthsbroach
9."I went to work as an Au Pair after university. I was shocked that people have family dinners and talk about how their day went and that children's answers were taken seriously and not mocked or dismissed. I was shocked when the kids' dad went out of his study to ask his children, 'How are you?'"
"I was shocked that parents actually take kids to activities that their children like and not to those they, the parents, like. I was shocked that you can have fun with and around your parents. Dance, sing, run, and they won't make fun of you. I was shocked to find out about movie nights for family. Like, parents actually watch a kids movie with children and don't just turn on something they want to see.
I was shocked when the dad did the majority of the cooking, not because the wife was not around but because he actually liked cooking and was affectionate towards his wife. I was so shocked when he just randomly brought her flowers and when they cuddled on the coach.
At first, they seemed bonkers, but then I realized it was my family who was not alright."
—u/fragielijs
10."The big, grown-up Uh-oh realization happened when my mother asked me and my siblings to lie about our identities and claim to be visiting cousins when CPS showed up. Oh, and then when we fled the state. I was nine, definitely old enough to know that was bonkers."
—u/Girleatingcheezits
11."As an adult, some friends started sharing cute stories about getting mad and 'running away from home' as kids. Their moms would pack them sandwiches and play along until the kids just stopped being mad. I realized that I could never show anger or run away because I didn't think my mom would let me come back."
—u/2manybirds23
12."When I was eight, my mom let me go to my friend Maria's for sleepovers. Her mom would cook, and Maria said she never had to cook dinner for her family. We got to be silly, talk at Blockbuster, and get candy for the movie we picked. At her house, we could stay up late, and there were no consequences for sleeping in. I always thought their house was messy because her mom didn't make her clean. I realized eventually that normal kids don't have to cook and clean and take care of siblings — that that was actually the parents' job."
"Maria didn't really have chores. She took music lessons and was in sports, and we had Girl Scouts together, so she didn't have time to do all that, and her mom understood. At my house, the only way out of chores was to get a job, which I did starting at age 12. I got a summer job detassling corn that I really loved."
—u/Neoncacti28
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13."It was shocking to realize none of the other six-year-olds were left at home, alone, all day long with just enough food to survive. I didn't realize this when I was six. I realized it somewhere in middle school when I was explaining this to some classmates, and they were all shocked."
—u/motherofacat
14."When everyone else's home smelled like laundry and food, and my home smelled like alcohol and weed."
—u/nosayingbagpipe
15."When I was 13, I started having to get myself to and from the doctor, though my mom might make an appointment for me. I had a riding accident where I had to go see an OB-GYN after the initial emergency care, and I had to go by myself. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that's something most people's moms take them to for the first time, no matter how old their female child is."
—u/Spinnerofyarn
16."When I was at my friend's house, they just grabbed snacks from their pantry. The one at my house was always locked, and we were not allowed to get anything out of it. Things would rot."
—u/NoExplnations
17."When I was around at my best friend's house and her dad happened to be there, he came in to say hello. My best friend said something mildly cheeky to him, and I held my breath and tensed up, waiting for him to kick off...he just laughed and teased her back. I'd have been about seven. It was revelatory and helped me keep my sanity until I could afford to leave home."
—u/originallovecat
18."When I was crying to my mom about my stepbrother choking me to the point of turning red and some bystander had to pull him off of me, and she just shrugged and asked if I had done something to him. I also told my dad, and he got angry at me."
—u/MailNo4142
19."My college friends called their parents every week, some more often than that. I always dreaded talking to my mother. It wasn't until I started getting to know my ex-husband, and then after I met his mom, that I realized how absolutely off my mother and my household was because of her. I remember being amazed at times that my friends could call their parents at any time about any problems, and their parents would help them, whereas if I had a problem, I knew I'd dang well better solve it myself."
"And if my mother found out about it, there would be zero concern for my welfare, and I would have hell to pay for inconveniencing her. As an adult, I retained a relationship with my stepdad and slowly came to the realization that he would have helped me, but I know I still would have caught hell from my mother, no matter what. I also realized as a young adult that my friends' parents knew and cared more about my life than my own mother did."
—u/Spinnerofyarn
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20."When my family arrived at my aunt's house, her family went from laughing and jovial to quiet and anxious."
—u/DaKine85
21."My mom brought me to an evangelical church multi-media show/'play' that simulated a school shooting (you then watch all the 'heathen' children go to hell after they die) to ensure that I understood the gravity of hell and what not choosing Jesus as my savior meant for me. I was nine. I still have nightmares about it at age 31. Apparently, other parents don't do that. Huh!"
—u/Elegant-Baseball-558
22."Thanksgiving 1998. My first memory of my paternal grandmother is her telling me it's okay that my father abuses me because I chose to look like my mother to torment him (mom divorced Mr. Hog that summer). I was only 4, but even I knew it wasn't right. The following Easter, he kicked me out of the car because I refused to stop being sick and drove off. He was abusive daily, frankly. But those actions showed that he felt that he was RIGHT to do it. They genuinely believed that I 'started it.'"
—u/LeatherHog
23."When I had to get a couple of mandatory vaccines the summer before college because I had never had a single vaccine (anti-vax parents). I spent that entire summer getting one shot in each arm every week because I wanted to get all of them."
—u/dinotattootime
24."When my little brother was appearing on the scene, and I knew that I had to step up because there weren't enough adults in the house to care for three kids, so the middle child was going to have to put in work to fill the gaps."
—u/GeebusNZ
25."Seeing families hug each other. We're a family that does not touch."
—u/Dejanerated
"I think I saw my parents hug twice and kiss once. No one ever hugged me. It took me a while to figure out how to do it. Even now, I'm weird about PDA and hugging other people, though I certainly want to be normal about it — just stuff like giving my partner's mom a hug goodbye."
u/Its_Curse
26."Whenever my aunt accused her own daughter of sleeping with her husband…who is also her daughter's dad…I'm not sure what compelled her to think my cousin was sleeping with her own father, especially since she was just 16 years old at the time, but man, am I happy I lost contact with that side of the family."
—u/Sure_Difficulty_4294
27."I got to go over to a few other people's houses and realized that most people's houses really basically do look like the ones on TV. Sure, the furniture may be cheaper, or maybe there's a little clutter (so more in the territory of Married... With Children, or Roseanne). But yeah, all these other houses resembled the houses on TV more than my own. It turns out most parents aren't hoarders."
—u/PinkNGreenFluoride
28."When I was probably about 7 or 8, I realized that other families spent time together on vacation…like, they would go do activities together, and their kids didn't just spend time hanging out with staff or locked up in the hotel room. When I was a kid, and we went on vacation, it was clear that it was my parents who were 'on vacation.' We just got the privilege of tagging along. Our job was to spend as much time away from them as possible and not need them for anything."
"Then I realized that other families also spent time together when they weren't on vacation. I never realized that other families went for walks, played together, played sports together, etc., outside of daily survival activities. I thought kids playing basketball with their dad was only a thing that happened in movies."
—u/sabdariffa
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29."When I realized I didn't wanna bring my friends or future partners around them because I was afraid my family would be mean to them."
—u/moonsonthebath
30."When I traveled across the country and spent a few weeks with my partner's family during Christmas. Honestly, it was the fact that when his brother forgot to bring the stuffing to Christmas dinner, everyone reacted appropriately and in proportion to the situation. Nobody died…we just ate more of the potatoes. Sure, there was some gentle teasing towards his brother for forgetting the ONE item he was in charge of, but everything turned out just fine. It was such an appropriate response to such a small problem. In comparison, the preceding year, at my family's Christmas, my uncle KICKED my mother because they had a disagreement (and I don't even remember what it was about)."
"There was obviously more to it than just this incident, but that's the moment where it really hit me. Aaaaaand then I spiraled big time. I tried to break up with him because I fully planned to kill myself once I arrived back home. I thought, 'There's no coming back from this; my family and myself are so completely irredeemably WRONG that I don't have any hope of being a functioning person, let alone part of a real FAMILY! What am I doing here? Why am I wasting everyone's time?'
It was a very dark moment, and nobody could figure out what was going on. But even though I seemed absolutely out of my mind, everybody just…carried on and continued trying to include me. Five years later…we're still together (and I'm slightly less out of my mind)!"
—u/BabaTheBlackSheep
31."My father had an extremely bad temper. One time, when I was 13 years old, he picked me and my friend up from school, and my dad was in a really bad mood. He started screaming at me for being too dumb to know something or other. I was used to it and totally silent. When I was with my friend later, he was in complete shock. I downplayed it, and I told him it was totally normal. He said, 'No, it's not.' And I never forgot that."
—u/Blu3Ski3
32."I was maybe 11, and my friend was supposed to spend the night at my house. I was a bit embarrassed because we could hear my family fighting, but I didn't consider it a bad fight because the walls weren't shaking, and no one was throwing or breaking anything. She told me that if I ever needed somewhere safe to stay, her mom would come get me, and I could stay with them. I knew her mom wasn't the most stable person in the world, but that woman took care of me from 11 to 18 whenever I needed anything. I could probably call her now, even though it's been years since I've last spoken to either of them, and she would still treat me like family."
klovey2
33."I think it was the first time I talked about what my house in California was like when I moved back to Florida as a preteen. Yeah, it turns out living in a handmade shack of plywood and plastic tarps on a manufactured jetty as part of an unhoused colony in Northern California for a year is not a 'typical' thing families do. Oddly enough, chopping up and burning your Christmas tree because it was the only firewood available to you on said jetty four days after Christmas because your parents abandoned their seven-year-old and two toddlers under three to go 'help' your dad's brother with cooking meth is also not a universal experience. Your fifth-grade class and teacher will not think it's a silly, goofy story — they will have the most horrified looks on ALL of their faces. Yeah. My parents did a lot of questionable things while on meth. Like, cook meth."
—u/The_Jacob
34."Probably around the time my stepmom put a lock on the outside of my door and would lock me in my room with a little bowl of snacks and a TV that only got like three channels. Also, how we went to Sea World, and they just left me in the car (at least the windows were down.)"
—u/DatTF2
35.When my friends would tell me about the help they would get for things like homework, and when I saw that their parents always showed up to pick them up at school events, parent-teacher conferences, etc. I thought it was very normal for parents to just forget about you because of how busy they were, and as long as I wasn't causing trouble, they had no interest in us. They would repeatedly go on vacation/date nights, leaving me from as young as eight to take care of my sister, then refusing to pick up phone calls and telling me I was being overly dramatic. I remember one night when my sister had a bad tummy ache — I tried to make her a hot water bottle and, by accident, spilled the boiling water over my hand. Of course, nobody answered the phone, so I went to my neighbor, who was shellshocked to see me by myself trying to take care of my burn."
—u/Hot-Moment-8216
36."My middle school friends confronted me about my parents being physically abusive toward me, citing it as why they did not want to come over to my house anymore. I argued that it was a totally normal thing and that they were blowing it out of proportion. They told me none of their parents hit them."
—u/Lack_my_bills
37."I realized my family was off when my mom encouraged my brother to get into the street life, not for financial reasons, but genuinely just so that she could brag ... that her son was out there 'running shit.' I only realized it was fucked because of the TV shows and movies I'd seen of the family and friends trying to get the main character to LEAVE the street life, not join it."
—u/RScudda
When did you realize something about your family was "off"? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
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- Yahoo
Women Are Sharing The Things Men Have Done That Made Them Feel Genuinely Safe, And I Need All The Dudes Out There To Take Some Serious Notes
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), violence against women is a major public health problem. Globally, about 1 in 3 women (30%) have been subjected to physical and/or sexual intimate violence with a partner, non-partner, or both. It can be very scary being a woman, and finding men who genuinely make us feel safe (platonically or romantically) is a relieving moment of solidarity in some of the scariest situations. So when Reddit user u/RawLoveOnTour asked the question, "What's something a man did for you that made you feel genuinely safe?" In r/AskWomen, I knew it would be full of stories of relief, gratefulness, and intuitive men really stepping up to help make women feel even the smallest bit safer in a world that sees so many of us mistreated: 1."The day that he asked me out for the first time (and I replied with a bouncy yes, because I'd been crushing on him hard for a long time), he asked me if I wanted a hug and then waited for my enthusiastic, 'Yes, please!' before he came in for it. That level of consent seeking has been the pattern all through our relationship as my boundaries shifted in his direction. Love the guy!" —u/Basic-Remote-1053 2."He flew me across the country, gave me my own bedroom to decorate as I wished, told me not to worry about anything, just to heal, and expected nothing in return. I am blessed." —u/Visible-Ad8410 3."I once had a room in a shared dorm in a hostel booked, and when I got there, the male receptionist was about to give me the key to the room when he realized that it would only be me and a group of like 15 men who came to watch a sports game. He immediately was like, 'Nope, not doing that,' and gave me an entire dorm room to myself." —u/biodegradableotters 4."When I was walking my dog at night at 19, I had a man walking behind us shout, 'Hello, is it okay if I walk in front of you? I don't want you to think I am following you,' maybe because he was a senior man, but it made me feel safer." —u/Look_over_that_way 5."We were going out as a gang of friends one night and kind of had to navigate by foot through a shady spot with lots of leering men. My friend held my hand immediately and walked beside me until we got to where our vehicles were parked, and we left. It was a kind reminder that some men are, in fact, sensitive to the discomfort and don't hesitate to reach out and keep you safe without being told." —u/Dr__Pheonx 6."When I was in a serious relationship with my man, I was hanging out with our collective friends. And when they basically told me that they just see me as a person and not as a woman, it made me realize that I was completely safe with them. And that they are really, really good friends." —u/Guest2424 7."I worked nights with a guy I got along with well and regarded as a friend. We'd usually walk to the bus station together after our shift; he'd just get a bus home in the other direction. One evening, he told me he had plans after work to go see a friend who lived just across the street." "Later, we're leaving, and he begins walking with me, so I ask, 'You're coming to the bus station?' Aren't you going to go see your friend?' And he looks at me like I'm unhinged and goes, 'Yeah, but I'm making sure you get home OK, silly!'" —u/chimairacle 8."He texted me when he got home before he came inside and waited for me to text back. My husband does this anytime he's gone for an unexpected/unplanned amount of time. There's nothing quite like coming out of the shower or dancing with my headphones on, and there's A MAN JUST SUDDENLY THERE. My body panics before I can register that it's my husband." —u/nanny2359 9."I used to date this guy, and whenever we walked together on the sidewalk, he always made sure to pull me to his left or right so I wouldn't be the closest one to the road. It was smooth and made me feel safe." —u/sandyguuurl 10."A fight broke out between two people on a crowded bus. It started with lots of shouting, but it was escalating quite fast. I was really uncomfortable as one of them started getting really close to me, so a man physically put himself between me and them and told them to back off. I'm really thankful for people like him." —u/g0atygoat 11."I had my head down looking at my phone in a group of four people, went to walk across the road, and he stuck his arm out to stop me from walking into the traffic. He gave me a quick smile and left. That small smile made that whole thing feel less scary than it could have been. I don't know him, but I've felt safe around that area of the city ever since. The group had left me behind; they'd crossed the road." —u/GloomyLittleGirl 12."There was a guy at school (college) who kept harassing me and trying to ask me out despite me saying no. He even figured out where my classes were and would wait for me outside the door. I told one of my friends, who was this really buff army guy, and he escorted me out of the classroom. Creeper guy never bothered me again." —u/chironinja82 13."I have a phobia of heights (specifically falling). This plays out in many ways, but especially at auditoriums (think hockey rink where you have to go down steep steps to your seat). We went somewhere I had never been, and it was the steepest/most intense reaction I had ever had!" "He never rushed me, stood in front for as long as I needed, gave me a hand/shoulder to hold in between railings (because of course they had gaps), and was a calm/steady support. He even kept his arm across me when we were seated (like a seatbelt) because I asked him to. He never complained, got annoyed, or invalidated me. He just gave unconditional support and told me how great I was doing. I would not have even tried if he wasn't there." —u/ICUP1985 And finally, here's a nice one to read for all the women who enjoy a nice solo trip: 14."I was on my first solo trip. It was the first day, and I was nervous. The auto driver was making small talk, and I was being hyperaware and dodging questions. I think he realized I was uncomfortable and started talking about himself and his family instead. I instantly relaxed once I realized he didn't have any ill intention." "I told him I had a show I was seeing in the evening and asked if I'd be able to get a cab or something late at night. He offered to drop me off. I hesitated because I didn't want him to know where I was staying, but I also didn't want to walk alone at night in a foreign city. He noticed and offered some numbers of other drivers, gave me a taxi service number, and even suggested I stay at a hotel for the night near where the show was. He was a great guy, and I still have his number for any time I visit the city again." —u/StopthinkingitsMe Do you have your own story to share about a time a man did something that made you feel genuinely safe? Let me know your story in the comments! Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. Solve the daily Crossword
