
The McVulnerability Trap
In my psychology practice, when tears enter the room, they have a way of cutting through the noise—all of the defenses, all of the pretenses. A client's carefully constructed walls fall away, allowing something deep to emerge. I've seen this happen time and again, and it's why for years I saw crying as one of the purest forms of vulnerability—until I discovered crying TikTok.
The trend is exactly what you might expect: People post videos of themselves crying (or trying not to). Some of these videos are slickly produced; some feature moody music; many rack up hundreds of thousands of views. These displays of vulnerability are, of course, not restricted to TikTok (whose fate, under the new Trump administration, is uncertain). They can also be found on YouTube, Instagram, and other apps, part of a broader online aesthetic. Influencers and celebrities strip down to what can seem like the rawest version of themselves, selling the promise of 'real' emotional connection—and, not infrequently, products or their personal brand. In a post titled ' Reacting to My Sad and Lonely Videos,' the YouTube star Trisha Paytas watches old footage of herself sobbing and is moved to tears all over again; this sort of post shares space in her channel with clips in which she pitches her own merch. On Instagram, influencers toggle between montages of sadness and sponsored videos that show them cozily sipping fancy tea.
The weepy confessions are, ostensibly, gestures toward intimacy. They're meant to inspire empathy, to reassure viewers that influencers are just like them. But in fact, they're exercises in what I've come to call 'McVulnerability,' a synthetic version of vulnerability akin to fast food: mass-produced, easily accessible, sometimes tasty, but lacking in sustenance. True vulnerability can foster emotional closeness. McVulnerability offers only an illusion of it. And just as choosing fast food in favor of more nutritious options can, over time, result in harmful outcomes, consuming 'fast vulnerability' instead of engaging in bona fide human interaction can send people down an emotionally unhealthy path.
Not long ago in American culture, vulnerability was largely associated with weakness. To be vulnerable meant to be helpless or susceptible to harm. Then came Brené Brown, the social worker and research professor who, with her viral 2010 TED Talk, became one of the most prominent voices transforming the perception of vulnerability for a new audience. In her book Daring Greatly, Brown defined vulnerability as the 'birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity,' and as a crucial element in personal growth—a liberating message for people raised to suppress their feelings and show toughness.
This was well before the consumerist blending of therapy-speak and personal branding that has become commonplace on social media. It was four years before The Body Keeps the Score got the masses talking about trauma, and it was eight years before Nicole LePera launched the Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, today one of the platform's most popular therapy accounts. But in the past decade and a half, vulnerability's trajectory has come to mirror that of many psychological concepts—such as mindfulness, boundary-setting, and self-love—whose lines of insight have been tangled up with the attention economy and the free market.
McVulnerability is perhaps an inevitable outcome of what the sociologist Eva Illouz identifies as a modern-day landscape of 'emotional capitalism.' 'Never has the private self been so publicly performed and harnessed to the discourses and values of the economic and political spheres,' Illouz writes in her book Cold Intimacies. Emotional capitalism has 'realigned emotional cultures, making the economic self emotional and emotions more closely harnessed to instrumental action.' That is, not only does emotionality sell goods, but emotions themselves have also become commodities.
As people's vulnerability proxies—podcasters, celebrities, crying YouTubers—pour out their heart while shilling for their favorite cashmere brands, consumerism becomes unconsciously tethered to the viewing or listening experience. Studies have found that when people spend more time on social-media platforms, they are more likely to buy more things and to do so impulsively—especially when they feel emotionally connected to the content they watch. This is, perhaps, one of the more insidious effects of McVulnerability: It helps encourage a self-perpetuating cycle of materialism and loneliness, in which one inevitably spawns the other.
Yet McVulnerability's practitioners are also offering supply to satisfy a real emotional demand. As Derek Thompson wrote earlier this month in The Atlantic, more and more Americans are retreating from in-person social interactions, turning instead to smartphones and other devices in search of intimacy. Yes, they may be communicating with friends and family. But they are also spending a lot of time 'with' people they don't know at all.
Read: 'Close Friends,' for a monthly fee
The rise of momfluencers serves as a perfect example. Many new mothers find themselves isolated and exhausted as they make the transition into parenthood. Maybe their families live across the country, or their friends are too busy to stop by. Starved for community, they might be struggling to find people with whom they can sit down and say, This sucks. On social media, they find influencers sharing tearful confessions about mom guilt or mom rage. But these posts aren't a substitute for actual community and support. Once the isolated moms put down their phone, they're just as alone as they were before.
Not all of the vulnerability shared online is devoid of authenticity. It can be genuinely helpful when someone describes their personal trials publicly, such as a survivor of abuse who shares their story, galvanizing others to seek safety. Vulnerability caught on video can also offer a powerful glimpse into the gravity of collective tragedy. An emotional clip about losing a home to wildfires can, for instance, bring to life the human cost of crisis in a way that headlines and statistics cannot. And of course, some parents who share their difficult experiences online do provide a valuable service, offering validation and practical insights (on, say, postpartum depression) that aren't always accessible elsewhere.
Next to those videos, it's not hard to see the ways in which McVulnerability, melodramatic and consumption-driven, merely masquerades as a chance to connect. McVulnerability offers a fleeting, convenient, and comfortable digital experience, allowing the people who consume it to skirt past the complications of being in a relationship with another person—although for some viewers, truth be told, that might be part of the appeal.
In my years as a therapist, I've seen a trend among some of my younger clients: They prefer the controlled environment of the internet—the polish of YouTube, the ephemeral nature of TikTok—to the tender awkwardness of making new friends. Instead of reaching out to a peer, they'll turn to the comfort of their phone and spend time with their preferred influencers. At a talk in 2023, the psychotherapist Esther Perel touched on this impulse while discussing what she calls 'artificial intimacy' —pseudo-experiences of emotional closeness that mimic connection but lack depth. These 'digitally facilitated connections,' she said, risk 'lowering our expectations of intimacy between humans' and leave us 'unprepared and unable to tolerate the inevitable unpredictabilities of human nature, love, and life.' I understand where my young clients are coming from: Putting yourself out there is uncomfortable. But for the reasons Perel articulated, I also worry that by relying mostly on social media to encounter other humans, they're forfeiting opportunities to develop the skills that could help them thrive in the flesh-and-blood world.
One of my psychology mentors has a point she repeats often: 'Vulnerability is generous.' It can be easier to project invulnerability, to pretend we don't believe strongly in an issue, to act as if we don't want. But being vulnerable—exposing ourselves via the unfiltered messiness of life—is one of the biggest emotional risks we can take, and one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person. When you choose to be vulnerable, you are essentially saying: I'm going to stand here as my full self, and I invite you to do the same.
McVulnerability, from whichever angle you look at it, is the opposite of generous. It doesn't require risk. It may pretend to give, but ultimately, it takes. And it leaves most of its consumers hungry for what they're craving: human connection—the real thing.
Hashtags

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
34 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Acclaimed Hip-Hop Star Makes Bold Political Statement at Awards Show
Acclaimed Hip-Hop Star Makes Bold Political Statement at Awards Show originally appeared on Parade. was named best female hip-hop artist on Monday, June 9, at the BET Awards at the Peacock Theater in downtown Los Angeles. Yet instead of giving the traditional thank-you-laden speech, she focused on what was happening outside of the theater. 'I do wanna address what's happening right now outside of the building,' she said, referencing the protests against ICE raids that are occurring around L.A. 'There are ruthless attacks that are creating fear and chaos in our communities in the name of law and order. [President Donald] Trump is using military force to stop a protest. And I want y'all to consider what kind of government it appears to be when every time we exercise our democratic right to protest, the military is deployed against us. What type of government is that?' 🎬 SIGN UP for Parade's Daily newsletter to get the latest pop culture news & celebrity interviews delivered right to your inbox 🎬 Doechii wasn't done. She explained that she felt it was her duty to use her platform to speak out against injustice. 'People are being swept up and torn from their families, and I feel it's my responsibility as an artist to use this moment to speak up for all oppressed people,' she added as the crowd applauded, per Billboard. 'For Black people, for Latino people, for trans people, for the people in Gaza, we all deserve to live in hope and not in fear and I hope we stand together, my brothers and my sisters, against hate and we protest against it.' Several other artists, including Green Day's and of Rage Against the Machine, have also spoken out against the ICE immigration raids in Los Angeles and President Trump's decision to deploy the National Guard to the city against the wishes of Los Angeles Mayor and California Governor .Acclaimed Hip-Hop Star Makes Bold Political Statement at Awards Show first appeared on Parade on Jun 10, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 10, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
34 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Rapper Doechii condemns Trump's immigration raids, protest crackdown at BET Awards
The Brief Doechii used her BET Awards speech to condemn Trump's immigration crackdown and protest response. She questioned the use of military force against demonstrators exercising their rights. The speech comes as protests continue just blocks from the ceremony venue in Los Angeles. LOS ANGELES - Grammy-winning rapper Doechii used her first BET Awards win Sunday night to deliver a pointed message about the protests and immigration raids unfolding just outside the venue doors. After accepting the award for best female hip-hop artist at the Peacock Theater in downtown Los Angeles, Doechii shifted from thanking fellow nominees to directly criticizing the Trump administration's use of federal troops and immigration enforcement. "There are ruthless attacks that are creating fear and chaos in our communities in the name of law and order," she said. "Trump is using military forces to stop a protest. I want you all to consider what kind of government it appears to be when every time we exercise our democratic right to protest, the military is deployed against us. What type of government is that?" Doechii's words received loud applause and a standing ovation from the audience. The backstory The protests in Los Angeles began after large-scale ICE raids and arrests targeting undocumented immigrants across the region. President Donald Trump responded by ordering the deployment of more than 4,000 National Guard members and 700 Marines to assist with immigration enforcement and protect federal property. California officials, including Gov. Gavin Newsom and Attorney General Rob Bonta, have condemned the move as unconstitutional and filed lawsuits arguing that the deployment was made without state approval. Some have accused the Trump administration of using military force to provoke chaos and intimidate protestors. "People are being swept up and torn from their families," Doechii continued. "I feel like it's my responsibility as an artist to use this moment to speak up for all oppressed people. … We all deserve to live in hope and not fear. I hope we stand together." What they're saying Doechii's remarks quickly drew praise on social media and among attendees. While other artists have not yet spoken out during the ceremony, her speech set a sharply political tone amid what had otherwise been a celebratory night honoring the 25th anniversary of the BET Awards. Why you should care The BET Awards took place just blocks from where National Guard troops are now stationed in response to protests. As immigration enforcement actions continue, and as artists like Doechii use their platforms to amplify concerns about civil liberties, her speech underscores the growing intersection between entertainment and political activism. What's next State officials are continuing to challenge the troop deployment in court, and protests are expected to continue throughout the week. It remains to be seen whether more performers or public figures will join Doechii in publicly criticizing the federal crackdown. The Source This article is based on Associated Press coverage of the 2025 BET Awards and live footage of Doechii's acceptance speech. Context was informed by official statements from the Trump administration, California state leaders, and legal filings reviewed by the AP.


Newsweek
39 minutes ago
- Newsweek
Golden Retriever's Ears Are So Expressive, His Owner Named Them
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. Fingers, a Labrador-golden retriever mix with a flair for facial expressions, has become the latest four-legged internet star—not for tricks or treats, but for the unexpected contortions of his ears. In a now-viral TikTok video shared on April 28 by his owner, under the handle @fingersthegoldador, the 5-year-old dog showcased his surprising talent: an ever-changing array of ear positions that has captivated millions. Viewed more than 1.4 million times and liked by over 230,000 TikTok users, the lighthearted video features Fingers flashing what his owner Julia affectionately calls his "cup ear," "turn signal ear," and "mouse ears"—a catalog of comical contortions that has left viewers in hysterics. "He is a very goofy and lovable dog," Julia told Newsweek. "One day I noticed that every time I came home from work, he would greet me with a new ear shape. "I started to record them because I thought it was so cute how he could bend his ears in so many different ways!" The post has sparked a wave of laughter and recognition among pet owners, many of whom jumped into the comments to share the names they have given their own dogs' unique ear movements. "My favorite comments were from other dog owners explaining the names they have for their own dog's ear shape," Julia said. "There were some clever and funny names mentioned in the comments, and it made me laugh to think other dog owners have also named the specific shapes their dog's ears make." But behind the hilarity lies a subtle form of communication. Dr. Nita Vasudevan, veterinarian contributor for Embrace Pet Insurance, told Newsweek that ear movements can offer real insight into how dogs feel. Fingers the Labrador golden retriever moves his ears in different ways in a TikTok video. Fingers the Labrador golden retriever moves his ears in different ways in a TikTok video. @fingersthegoldador "A dog's ears and its movements can reveal a lot about how the dog is feeling," Vasudevan said. "Ears that are pinned back often indicate the dog is feeling some anxiety, fear, or submission—especially when the ears are paired with other body language cues like a lowered head or a tucked tail." By contrast, ears that are forward or perked typically signal interest or alertness. But Vasudevan cautioned against overgeneralizing: "Because ear shapes vary widely between breeds, it's important to interpret ear position in the context of the dog's overall body language and temperament and their natural ear posture." For Julia, Fingers' viral fame is less about the anatomy of expression and more about the joys of pet ownership. Whether folded, flopped, or flying high, his ears have become a daily surprise that has now brought smiles far beyond their front door. Do you have funny and adorable videos or pictures of your pet you want to share? Send them to life@ with some details about your best friend and they could appear in our Pet of the Week lineup.