Older People Are Sharing How They Live Alone Without Feeling Lonely, And Their Honesty Is Giving The Younger Generation A New Perspective
Recently, we shared the things older people had to say about what it's like aging in today's society, and many of our readers found comfort in what was said. So, when I came across an anonymous Quora question asking: "What causes older folks to withdraw into their own world at some stage of their life?", I thought it might be another great opportunity to share perspectives from people who've experienced it.
1. "I am a 71-year-old grandmother. I tried living with one of my children, but as lovely as my daughter is, I felt more lonely living with her than when I lived alone. I tried living in a retirement village, but after three years, I was exhausted dealing with the social politics. So I moved over 3.5 hours away from my children and grandchildren to the country to find peace. I have affordable rent, a larger accommodation, a bigger garden, views of the mountains, the people are friendly, and most drive old cars like me 😁. I can cope better with people, it's nice to just smile hello and wish them a nice day, and go home alone, but not feel alone."
2. "I retreated into staying home more because I was overly kind and took in two abused Belgium Malinois. I have another dog and two cats also. When I leave, one Mal howls and cries, the other Mal shakes. I feel terrible so I seldom go anywhere now. I lived a full life and my animals bring joy and love that is unbreakable. Sounds crazy, but I feel safe inside of my heart and soul and mind. I am almost 79 and run around with my animals like God renewed my youth. I am truly blessed."
3. "As a recently retired lady myself, I can give my own perspective on this. I was the eldest of a big family on a farm growing up; I took care of my younger siblings. I became a teacher and had classes of primary school children for almost the entirety of my working life. I have a family and gave birth to four children, all of whom are now adults. Finally, I retired. And now I have only myself and my husband to look after, and occasionally babysit the grandkids. After a lifetime of looking after other people, I can finally concentrate on myself and my own needs. It is exhilarating, and I totally love it. Sure, I sometimes miss the interaction with others, but after all the hurly-burly, it is just so wonderful to sit in the garden, quietly weeding and listening to the birdsong..."
Halfpoint Images / Getty Images
"I can walk down the street to where a couple of friends my own age live and visit, or we can go to the local shops and have a coffee together. I can stay up late and not have to worry about getting up at the crack of dawn the next day for work. My own world is full of wonder, and I am perfectly happy to live in it!"
— Ally From Oz, Quora
4. "Young people don't realize that old people go slow because that is the way their body works, and not because they think slower. There may be a lot of things we are not familiar with, but there are a lot of things the younger folks like that we just don't like. Our world is where there are familiar things. Comfortable things. No quick and judgmental people to measure up to."
— Aging with an Attitude, Quora
5. "Because people aren't nice. The old days of having respect for your elders is history. And you get to the point where you begin calculating whether a particular outside interaction is even going to be good for you. Or maybe you're calculating your physical ability and stamina to even participate. At home, you have everything you need. I spend my days preparing my backyard for amazing things. I'm building a sitting area with a fire pit, an outdoor fireplace, and a greenhouse. We have a BBQ area with a sink. It's getting too hostile out there for the likes of us. We'll invite the few gems we've encountered to join us."
— Robin Geesman, Quora
6. "I spent years traveling, dancing, being a social butterfly, and working, but at this stage in my life, I enjoy being alone. I do have my husband, but he feels the same as me. I don't want to entertain. I don't want to visit all the time. I'm content reading a book. I wondered what was wrong with me, but it sounds like it's pretty normal."
— Connie Baker, Quora
7. "I retired at 65, a year and a half ago. Quite frankly, after 50 years in the workaday economy, as a bank manager, teacher, and finally a sales manager, I can tell you that I believe, for the most part, humanity sucks and I'm totally over it. Burned out to the max, and now that I don't have to pretend to like people so I can keep a job and live, I naturally have withdrawn to my own small circle and even less."
—, Quora
8. "I'm 71. I retired five years ago and now spend my time reading, riding my e-bike, playing guitar, and watching movies (both at home and in theaters). I go to the gym three times a week. Two of my children and four of my grandchildren live about 75 miles away. My other child and her children live 1000 miles away. My former career required me to move many times. I've lived in eight different states, from the Midwest to the Deep South. Because of that, I never developed close friends. And most people my age are not looking to develop new friendships, although I do have two friends in my current city. I see them about once a month. I do wish I could spend more time with my children and grandchildren, but they're busy with their jobs, school, and friends. I understand, I was just like them when I was their age. So, yes, my circle has gotten smaller, but I'm okay with that. It's nice to be able to do what I want when I want."
— Dan Schillinger, Quora
9. "I'm old. We're just tired of crap. People's idiocies. Many of us who are 'old' have been through suppression, social pressures to fit the cookie-cutter mold, to look a certain way or act a certain way, or be proper or respectable. We've gone through a lifetime of trying to let go of who we aren't so we can be who we actually are. We've waited on people, taken care of people, given up what we wanted, shelved our dreams, postponed our wants, and worn ourselves out. We're tired inside. We're sick of griping, tattling, arrogance, and hubris. We're sick of being corrected and told what we should or shouldn't do, say, wear, or eat. The only way to remedy that is to distance ourselves and close the door behind us. We will be out when we feel like it. Or not."
— Lisa Dailey, Quora
10. "I'm 67 and I've noticed I'm reluctant to attend gatherings with lots of people. It's exhausting. I'm not prepared to put up with the inane, boring, repetitive, bitchy, noisy etc. I still don't drink much, so I am not able to use alcohol to blunt things. My hearing isn't what it was, so conversations with background noise are a strain. I don't like going out at night. I have poor eyesight now and don't feel comfortable driving after dark. I've generally run out of oomph by the evening..."
MoMo Productions / Getty Images
"I have fewer friends. Some have died, some have moved away. It's much, much harder to make new ones now. Particularly as most people my age are boring, mainly talking about their health and their grandchildren. Young people aren't really an option as we don't have a lot in common, and they seem to make mountains out of molehills. I've been through booms and recessions, relationships starting and relationships ending, triumphs and tragedies, births and deaths, and have learnt that the world keeps turning and will keep turning when I'm no longer here so it's hard to get excited about, or even interested in, relationship crises or whatever the molehill du jour is. I'm tired.
Many older people don't sleep well. My health is declining. In the past 12 months, I've had a strained Achilles tendon that's refusing to come right, a fractured pelvis, bursitis, a melanoma removed, a toothache, shingles, and gallstones. Each of these has limited what I can do. I have less energy and stamina. A walk to the supermarket and a coffee on the way home might be all I can manage in a day.
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