'They won't pay my uni fees, but want financial support later' — Singaporean says of her parents

Independent Singapore

14-05-2025

SINGAPORE: A young Singaporean who recently secured offers to study medicine at both NUS and NTU has taken to social media to express her growing frustration with her parents, who not only refused to fund her university education but still expect her to 'support them financially in the future.'
In a post on the r/SGExams subreddit, the student shared that she had chosen to pursue her studies locally to save on accommodation costs, thinking it would lighten the load for her parents. However, despite her parents being financially capable, they informed her last year that they would not be paying for her university fees.
'This was a shock to me. Westerners may not understand, but I feel that it's a common consensus here in Singapore that parents pay for our education, then we pay them back through monthly allowance and filial piety, Asian Confucian values, etc., etc.,' she explained.
Despite this, the student said that her parents have been enthusiastically bragging to their friends about her achievements, specifically, how she managed to get into both NUS (Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine) and NTU (Lee Kong Chian School of Medicine), a rare and highly competitive feat.
'I feel that this is not fair to me because haven't we decided we are doing things the way the West does? 18 and an adult, then support ourselves, and don't pay parents any maintenance in the future?' she wrote. 'I also feel mad at the fact that they are using me as something to show off without contributing.'
The student also opened up about her struggles during junior college, recalling how she had to beg for just one tuition class in H2 Physics after consistently failing the subject.
'I got cursed at basically every day for the expensive fees (S$45/h once a week), and whenever I wanted things, my father would say, 'Ask your tutor to pay,' etc., but the thing is even in J1 when I had no tuition, my life was exactly the same too; like in secondary school, he would say if in JC I don't have tuition, he would be able to spend a bit more on us and take us on trips, etc., but of course that didn't happen,' she wrote.
She also expressed that while she has accepted the responsibility of funding her own education, her greater concern is the long-term pressure to financially maintain her parents.
'Of course, I'm worried about uni fees, but that's not the crux of my issue. I've already accepted it and I have been saving bit by bit through working. I also intend to work in uni, hopefully through internships,' she said.
'The thing is, I'm scared of the parents' maintenance act too; they can and I'm guessing will be very willing to sue me. Yes, they may not be willing to put S$100k towards my education, but I know they will be willing to put S$200k towards a future lawyer to demand maintenance from me. If you think I'm exaggerating, I really swear I am not. They are that exact type of person.'
The student ended her post by asking for advice on how to cope with her situation and mentally prepare for the future. 'Don't fight; it will only wear you out.'
In the discussion thread, one Singaporean Reddit user argued that it is a parent's responsibility to support their child's education and ensure they are well cared for until they are ready to enter the workforce.
They added, 'If parents can't do this, then they don't deserve to have kids. With that being said, as children, we should also appreciate our parents' efforts in raising us to this point, even if they don't send us to university. They may not be the best parents, but they ultimately raised you to this point.'
Another user expressed anger at what they saw as generational hypocrisy. They pointed out that many parents from older generations cherry-pick between Western and Eastern cultural norms to suit their convenience. They wrote, 'Boomers are actually so entitled. Your parents are a perfect example. They follow western tradition when it suits them in not supporting, then follow eastern tradition to demand maintenance.'
A third user advised the student to provide only the bare minimum in financial support once she starts earning, writing, 'Give them the bare minimum monthly, and they will have no case against you. Don't fight; it will only wear you out. Once you have money, your time and energy become infinitely more valuable than money. Throw money at the problem and reduce your contact with them to a minimum.'
As for her university fees, one user suggested, 'Take a student loan. It is a very common practice for older generations, even in Asian cultures, and it seems like the direction that they are pushing for. In such a situation, just look on the bright side and take it as a way to motivate yourself not to mess up in uni.' Maintenance of Parents Act
For those unfamiliar, this law in Singapore allows parents aged 60 and above who are unable to support themselves to legally seek financial maintenance from their children.
Under the Maintenance of Parents Act, if a child is assessed to be financially capable, the parent may file a formal claim and request support in the form of either regular 'monthly allowances or a lump-sum payment.'
Read also: 'I never expected you to abandon me' — Mum tells her 69 y/o daughter who wants to move out from their 'toxic' relationship
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)