Daughter says her mum and sibling pushed her to give 10% of her salary to her estranged dad, who brought her ‘so much trauma' for the sake of filial piety

Independent Singapore

8 hours ago

SINGAPORE: A daughter took to social media to share that she has been handing over 10 per cent of her monthly salary to her estranged father because her mother and sibling insisted she do so in the name of 'filial piety.'
Writing on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she explained that her parents only divorced when she was about to graduate from university. However, long before the separation, her father had already distanced himself from the family in more ways than one. She said he struggled with gambling addictions involving 4D and Toto. At the same time, her mother shouldered the financial burden of paying off his debts and supporting both children throughout their university education.
She also shared how deeply her father's actions had affected her emotionally over the years. 'He brought me so much trauma,' she wrote. 'He worked as a private hire driver for a good eight years throughout my schooling days, and while I see my peers having their parents willingly ferrying them to and fro school, the few times my dad did so voluntarily (after CCA at night, say around 8 to 9 p.m.), he would curse me out throughout the entire 40 minutes ride home, complaining about how late my school ended. I begged him to stop picking me up after.'
Despite her father's lack of emotional and financial support over the years, her mother and sibling still felt she had a responsibility to give him a portion of her income once she began working. Feeling obligated, she went along with the arrangement, but in time, she noticed that her father began to expect the money every month, even confronting her if he thought the amount was short.
Two years on, she now finds herself questioning the arrangement. 'I've been thinking if it's really necessary, since he has essentially contributed nothing (financially, emotionally) to my life growing up? I'd rather give the 10% to my mum on top of what I've been giving her.'
Turning to the online community for advice, she asked, 'Those who grew up in dysfunctional families, do you give your parents money? Keen to hear from those in similar divorced family situations.' 'When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life…'
Many Singaporeans related to her situation and shared that they too struggled with the idea of financially supporting parents who had been emotionally absent or unsupportive during their childhood.
One person wrote, 'My dad has always been irresponsible with money. He didn't contribute to my education or provide financial support, and he has even borrowed money from my mom and me without ever paying it back, so no, I don't give him any money. I do, however, give my mom a monthly allowance.'
Another commented, 'I didn't give either side money. I don't need to justify to others why I don't give them money. If there's really a need to, I'll just say that I'm reserving my savings to better the next generation, rather than to fix/upkeep the previous generation.'
A third shared, 'Parents divorced, I don't give to either parent. Your money and your life, and since you had a bad parent, you're not in any way wrong to skip giving him money. He can go earn his own money.'
That said, not everyone felt the same way. Some said they continue to give their parents an allowance, even though their upbringing had been far from ideal.
One wrote, 'Yes. As the only child, I'll just play my part as a son. When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life. You can't choose your parent.'
In other news, a woman renting a dual-key studio apartment turned to Reddit to express her frustrations about a 'weird and demanding' neighbour who, she says, has repeatedly overstepped boundaries and disrupted her peace at home.
Writing on r/askSingapore, she said the trouble started on the very day her neighbour, a middle-aged Chinese woman with a chihuahua, moved into the adjoining unit.
Read more: 'How do I make her stop?' — Woman says her neighbour is 'weird and demanding,' but she struggles to say no to their demands
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