Latest news with #filialpiety
Independent Singapore
14 hours ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
Daughter says her mum and sibling pushed her to give 10% of her salary to her estranged dad, who brought her ‘so much trauma' for the sake of filial piety
SINGAPORE: A daughter took to social media to share that she has been handing over 10 per cent of her monthly salary to her estranged father because her mother and sibling insisted she do so in the name of 'filial piety.' Writing on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she explained that her parents only divorced when she was about to graduate from university. However, long before the separation, her father had already distanced himself from the family in more ways than one. She said he struggled with gambling addictions involving 4D and Toto. At the same time, her mother shouldered the financial burden of paying off his debts and supporting both children throughout their university education. She also shared how deeply her father's actions had affected her emotionally over the years. 'He brought me so much trauma,' she wrote. 'He worked as a private hire driver for a good eight years throughout my schooling days, and while I see my peers having their parents willingly ferrying them to and fro school, the few times my dad did so voluntarily (after CCA at night, say around 8 to 9 p.m.), he would curse me out throughout the entire 40 minutes ride home, complaining about how late my school ended. I begged him to stop picking me up after.' Despite her father's lack of emotional and financial support over the years, her mother and sibling still felt she had a responsibility to give him a portion of her income once she began working. Feeling obligated, she went along with the arrangement, but in time, she noticed that her father began to expect the money every month, even confronting her if he thought the amount was short. Two years on, she now finds herself questioning the arrangement. 'I've been thinking if it's really necessary, since he has essentially contributed nothing (financially, emotionally) to my life growing up? I'd rather give the 10% to my mum on top of what I've been giving her.' Turning to the online community for advice, she asked, 'Those who grew up in dysfunctional families, do you give your parents money? Keen to hear from those in similar divorced family situations.' 'When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life…' Many Singaporeans related to her situation and shared that they too struggled with the idea of financially supporting parents who had been emotionally absent or unsupportive during their childhood. One person wrote, 'My dad has always been irresponsible with money. He didn't contribute to my education or provide financial support, and he has even borrowed money from my mom and me without ever paying it back, so no, I don't give him any money. I do, however, give my mom a monthly allowance.' Another commented, 'I didn't give either side money. I don't need to justify to others why I don't give them money. If there's really a need to, I'll just say that I'm reserving my savings to better the next generation, rather than to fix/upkeep the previous generation.' A third shared, 'Parents divorced, I don't give to either parent. Your money and your life, and since you had a bad parent, you're not in any way wrong to skip giving him money. He can go earn his own money.' That said, not everyone felt the same way. Some said they continue to give their parents an allowance, even though their upbringing had been far from ideal. One wrote, 'Yes. As the only child, I'll just play my part as a son. When you get older/wiser, be the bigger person and move on (with) your life. You can't choose your parent.' In other news, a woman renting a dual-key studio apartment turned to Reddit to express her frustrations about a 'weird and demanding' neighbour who, she says, has repeatedly overstepped boundaries and disrupted her peace at home. Writing on r/askSingapore, she said the trouble started on the very day her neighbour, a middle-aged Chinese woman with a chihuahua, moved into the adjoining unit. Read more: 'How do I make her stop?' — Woman says her neighbour is 'weird and demanding,' but she struggles to say no to their demands Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
Independent Singapore
14-05-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
'They won't pay my uni fees, but want financial support later' — Singaporean says of her parents
SINGAPORE: A young Singaporean who recently secured offers to study medicine at both NUS and NTU has taken to social media to express her growing frustration with her parents, who not only refused to fund her university education but still expect her to 'support them financially in the future.' In a post on the r/SGExams subreddit, the student shared that she had chosen to pursue her studies locally to save on accommodation costs, thinking it would lighten the load for her parents. However, despite her parents being financially capable, they informed her last year that they would not be paying for her university fees. 'This was a shock to me. Westerners may not understand, but I feel that it's a common consensus here in Singapore that parents pay for our education, then we pay them back through monthly allowance and filial piety, Asian Confucian values, etc., etc.,' she explained. Despite this, the student said that her parents have been enthusiastically bragging to their friends about her achievements, specifically, how she managed to get into both NUS (Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine) and NTU (Lee Kong Chian School of Medicine), a rare and highly competitive feat. 'I feel that this is not fair to me because haven't we decided we are doing things the way the West does? 18 and an adult, then support ourselves, and don't pay parents any maintenance in the future?' she wrote. 'I also feel mad at the fact that they are using me as something to show off without contributing.' The student also opened up about her struggles during junior college, recalling how she had to beg for just one tuition class in H2 Physics after consistently failing the subject. 'I got cursed at basically every day for the expensive fees (S$45/h once a week), and whenever I wanted things, my father would say, 'Ask your tutor to pay,' etc., but the thing is even in J1 when I had no tuition, my life was exactly the same too; like in secondary school, he would say if in JC I don't have tuition, he would be able to spend a bit more on us and take us on trips, etc., but of course that didn't happen,' she wrote. She also expressed that while she has accepted the responsibility of funding her own education, her greater concern is the long-term pressure to financially maintain her parents. 'Of course, I'm worried about uni fees, but that's not the crux of my issue. I've already accepted it and I have been saving bit by bit through working. I also intend to work in uni, hopefully through internships,' she said. 'The thing is, I'm scared of the parents' maintenance act too; they can and I'm guessing will be very willing to sue me. Yes, they may not be willing to put S$100k towards my education, but I know they will be willing to put S$200k towards a future lawyer to demand maintenance from me. If you think I'm exaggerating, I really swear I am not. They are that exact type of person.' The student ended her post by asking for advice on how to cope with her situation and mentally prepare for the future. 'Don't fight; it will only wear you out.' In the discussion thread, one Singaporean Reddit user argued that it is a parent's responsibility to support their child's education and ensure they are well cared for until they are ready to enter the workforce. They added, 'If parents can't do this, then they don't deserve to have kids. With that being said, as children, we should also appreciate our parents' efforts in raising us to this point, even if they don't send us to university. They may not be the best parents, but they ultimately raised you to this point.' Another user expressed anger at what they saw as generational hypocrisy. They pointed out that many parents from older generations cherry-pick between Western and Eastern cultural norms to suit their convenience. They wrote, 'Boomers are actually so entitled. Your parents are a perfect example. They follow western tradition when it suits them in not supporting, then follow eastern tradition to demand maintenance.' A third user advised the student to provide only the bare minimum in financial support once she starts earning, writing, 'Give them the bare minimum monthly, and they will have no case against you. Don't fight; it will only wear you out. Once you have money, your time and energy become infinitely more valuable than money. Throw money at the problem and reduce your contact with them to a minimum.' As for her university fees, one user suggested, 'Take a student loan. It is a very common practice for older generations, even in Asian cultures, and it seems like the direction that they are pushing for. In such a situation, just look on the bright side and take it as a way to motivate yourself not to mess up in uni.' Maintenance of Parents Act For those unfamiliar, this law in Singapore allows parents aged 60 and above who are unable to support themselves to legally seek financial maintenance from their children. Under the Maintenance of Parents Act, if a child is assessed to be financially capable, the parent may file a formal claim and request support in the form of either regular 'monthly allowances or a lump-sum payment.' Read also: 'I never expected you to abandon me' — Mum tells her 69 y/o daughter who wants to move out from their 'toxic' relationship Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
South China Morning Post
08-05-2025
- South China Morning Post
Chinese son, 51, attracts admiration for carrying elderly mum on his back in baby sling
A 51-year-old man in China who carried his 88-year-old paralysed mother on his back while travelling has trended on social media. Advertisement As a result of his efforts, the dutiful man has been hailed as the 'most filial son' by internet users. Chai Wanbin, from Huidong county in Sichuan province in the southwest of the country, was filmed using a traditional Chinese baby sling to carry his petite mother. The duo were visiting Huanglongxi Ancient Town in Chengdu during the May Day holiday, according to The Cover news outlet. Chai said his mother has been wheelchair-bound for four years after suffering a fall. She usually lives with Chai's sister, but he often takes her travelling. Chai Wanbin and his paralysed mother on one of their trips. He says carrying her on his back is 'no big deal'. Photo: Douyin The son said he prepares both the wheelchair and the sling for such trips because some paths are difficult to navigate.
South China Morning Post
08-05-2025
- South China Morning Post
Chinese son, 51, attracts admiration for carrying elderly mum on his back in baby sling
A 51-year-old man in China who carried his 88-year-old paralysed mother on his back while travelling has trended on social media. Advertisement As a result of his efforts, the dutiful man has been hailed as the 'most filial son' by internet users. Chai Wanbin, from Huidong county in Sichuan province in the southwest of the country, was filmed using a traditional Chinese baby sling to carry his petite mother. The duo were visiting Huanglongxi Ancient Town in Chengdu during the May Day holiday, according to The Cover news outlet. Chai said his mother has been wheelchair-bound for four years after suffering a fall. She usually lives with Chai's sister, but he often takes her travelling. Chai Wanbin and his paralysed mother on one of their trips. He says carrying her on his back is 'no big deal'. Photo: Douyin The son said he prepares both the wheelchair and the sling for such trips because some paths are difficult to navigate.
