Irish abroad returning home: ‘It's been hard ... I didn't probably know the Ireland I was coming back to'

Irish Times

2 days ago

Ireland has undergone huge changes over the last number of decades. From the legalising of divorce,
same-sex marriage
and
abortion
, to boom and bust economics, increasing immigration, a housing crisis and the impact of the
Covid
pandemic, people living here have witnessed enormous social shifts.
For Ireland's returning expats, however, home can look very different to the one they remember. The most recent figures from the Central Statistics Office (CSO) show that, in the year up to April 2024,
30,000 Irish citizens returned
to our shores for various reasons, in some cases after many years abroad.
So, what do these recent returnees make of the Ireland of today? Is there really no place like home? Or does it even feel like home any more?
We spoke to four people who made the move back in recent years.
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Kate Gleeson (39) from
Waterford
returned to Ireland from London in 2024 when her father became ill. She had been in London for nine years and also lived there for a time in the early 2000s.
As a gay woman, Kate initially found it easier to live in London. 'because it's a bigger city'. She said: 'In that perspective, I found it easier to be who I was, because there was less judgment around. I felt in Waterford, everyone knew me and I was always scared that eyes would be on me and they'd be judging me. It was still very taboo here at the time.'
Now, things are completely different. 'I probably feel safer here than I do back there, to be honest.'
This, she says, is due to having lived in an area where she encountered people with a 'negative outlook on the LGBT community'. She feels these views stem from their religious beliefs. 'I wouldn't feel as safe walking down the high road holding my girlfriend's hand, because I know that I would probably get a few tuts and a few sighs over there.'
Still, Kate loved the 'anonymity' of London. She has a close group of friends there and admits she has found adjusting to living in Ireland again 'very hard'. 'When I used to walk into town years ago, I'd know 10 people in the space of five minutes. Now I don't know anyone.'
Kate Gleeson feels safer back at home in Waterford after nine years in London, but it has been a big adjustment. Photograph: Patrick Browne
She notes the increased number of non-nationals living in Waterford, saying it 'doesn't bother me in the slightest'. 'I think it's a natural progression in this world and that's how it should be. We've been taken in all over the world, why shouldn't we take people in?'
However, she thinks 'the community spirit ... that we used to have is gone', adding: 'You don't have people knocking on your door any more, like you used to – 'hi, I'm just calling for a tea or a coffee'. People have to ring you in advance and it's kind of 'I might come around on Tuesday next week'.'
People say a passing hello, but don't stop for a chat in the same way as before, she observes. Some good things remain, though. After her father died recently, she says the enduring traditions around the way Irish people treat death continues to be a comfort to the bereaved.
Kate works for a charity remotely. She is not certain she will stay in Ireland. Healthcare is a factor. She was diagnosed with a 'neurological muscle condition a couple of years ago'. 'And I get free treatment in London, like everyone else does', on the National Health Service (NHS).
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Are home-buying grants available to us as returning emigrants?
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She also points to the housing crisis here and her difficulty finding somewhere to rent. All of which has her wondering if leaving Ireland again is the only option.
Alan Gleeson (no relation to Kate) is 51. He moved home to Cork in September 2024 after 25 years in Britain.
Returning to Cork after 25 years in London, Alan Gleeson admits to feeling like something of an outsider. Photograph: Michael Mac Sweeney/Provision
As a younger man, he went to London on a graduate programme following his commerce degree, before working in digital marketing. He lived in suburban London with his wife and children. 'There was a local GAA club two minutes away that the kids would have played for, so it's quite an Irish feel to the area,' he said. 'Obviously London is very cosmopolitan, but there's a nice Irish feeling too, in terms of a bit of a community.'
Alan returned to Ireland for a mixture of reasons. 'We were both working remotely ... And then quality of life and being close to family were probably the main drivers in returning.'
He admits to finding Cork 'quite different to the Cork we left, even though we'd have been back a bit over the years'. He says: 'You partly feel an outsider when you're in the UK. But then you're partly an outside when you come back ... We have to rediscover things and we're out of the loop.'
He observes Cork to be a very 'busy' city now. 'Very cosmopolitan, as well. Lots of young people, lots of energy. You've got great choices of restaurants. The kids were looking for Lebanese one night, like you would do in west London, and we found one, which you certainly wouldn't have done a few years ago.'
Alan is happy with his decision to come home but adds: 'You'll always miss London. It's a very vibrant city, but then we're fortunate it's so close.'
The LGBT communities, they are accepted in Pakistan. They're part of the culture
—
Sister Rebecca Conlon
He thinks there has been a change in the sense of community that he remembers, suggesting it 'probably isn't as strong' as before. He admits there has been a lot to arrange.
'When you do first come back, there's an awful lot of jobs to do that are hidden. You're trying to get schools sorted ... get housing sorted. In my case, keep clients.' He's a consultant who helps tech companies grow.
'We definitely miss it, but we're very happy to be back in Ireland.'
Sister Rebecca Conlon (78), from
Clare
, returned to Ireland in 2023 having lived and worked as a missionary in Pakistan for 33 years. She is now living in
Dublin
.
'I loved it,' she says of
Pakistan
. 'No place like it'.
Sister Rebecca Conlon returned to an unrecognisable Ireland after 33 years as a missionary in Pakistan
Sr Rebecca is an occupational therapist. She worked in a psychiatric hospital and a women's jail. 'The Christians are a minority. They are oppressed,' she says. 'We started a tuition centre specifically for Christians. Education for our Christian community over the years was not a value as such, because you needed food on the table.'
She was in her 40s when she left Ireland and found it to have changed 'drastically' on her return. 'Somebody said one time that a missionary, you've no place. You're a stranger in your father's house ... You've missed out on all the years of growing up in Ireland, of working in Ireland.' She compares it to feeling like a stranger 'in your own culture'.
Sr Rebecca explains her life in Pakistan prepared her for some changes. 'One thing about all of that, is we that we lived with the people. And the people have the same problems. The LGBT communities, they are accepted in Pakistan. They're part of the culture.
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When you return home to Ireland from abroad, you notice that everyone is a little changed
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'Being a missionary, and in such a volatile situation, life was a mess all the time. Life is an absolute mess and you just try to get on with it and accompany people in their mess and our mess and the whole lot.'
What did she make of changes such as divorce, marriage equality and repealing the eighth amendment? 'Ireland wanted it,' she replies.
She hasn't 'adjusted yet', to being home. 'I'm trying to navigate my road really and truly. When I go into town, I feel very attracted to go over and talk to the Muslims at their table in front of the GPO. Because we had such a good experience as a group of Islam I've come back here now with a feel for these people. I've been changed.'
Reflecting her experience of what Ireland used to be like, she says of Islam: 'we were afraid of it'. Ireland feels very different now, she says, 'but I also see the problem of housing and I appreciate what's going on, the struggle and the pain on both sides. On the Irish side and on the migrant side'.
She finds it difficult to witness some of the more negative responses to immigrants, although she adds: 'The influx was too much at one time, I would believe.'
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The hardest thing for her to adjust to, since her return, is the loss of young people to the Church. She has been sad to see the fall-off in faith in Ireland, but has hope for the future.
Ireland has become 'more international, with all the travel,' she says. 'The emigration of the young professionals ... that to me is a huge lacuna in carrying on anything from the past.'
Richard King, project manager at
Crosscare Migrant Project
, says it can be a challenge for those returning to Ireland to find that their friends and previous networks have moved on significantly in life.
People leave Ireland having friends they can easily socialise with at night and the weekend, he explains, and then return 'to people who've got kids, they are carers, they've got jobs. And that reintegration of lifestyle can be very different'.
Richard King of Crosscare Migrant Project says having a job to come home to can make the settling-in process much more manageable
He suggests that if possible, people 'test the waters a little bit' by returning for a period that is more than 'just a holiday'. He points to the excitement of short holidays, during which people living here will make themselves available to meet because those living abroad are home for a short while, as opposed to the full return reality – 'well now you're here we're not going to be dropping everything to head out and do stuff'.
He also explains that how people feel about the return can depend on whether they returned by choice or as a result of changed circumstances.
It takes a good few years to get used to it, but I think we're just probably culturally more Australian than Irish
—
Breda*
When it comes to emotional preparations 'there are great online support groups and networks out there', he advises. 'In terms of the practicalities ... very, very strongly lean on whatever family and friend networks you have to try to get accommodation and things like that sorted in advance.
'Returning with a structure in place, like returning to a job ... automatically creates the structure in your life that helps you do the other things.'
Breda*, who is in her 40s and lives in a rural area, left Ireland when she was 26. She met her Irish husband in Australia and lived there for 15 years before moving home four years ago with him and their children. 'It's been pretty hard,' she says.
'We didn't probably know what we were coming back to as much. I read the papers ... so I knew what was going on. But it's very different when you live here, as to what to expect.
'It takes a good few years to get used to it, but I think we're just probably culturally more Australian than Irish.'
Many of the things Breda considers important now that she's a parent weren't on her radar, she explains, during her early years in Australia. 'In your 20s, you don't care about healthcare. You don't care about anything. You really don't think of much else other than your salary and going out for the week. So we didn't probably know what we were coming back to as much.'
Living overseas gave her an insight into 'how different societies function,' she says, adding she never realised 'how much of a nation of rule breakers we are in Ireland'. She feels a lack of services in Ireland means 'everyone's in it for themselves ... Everyone has to fight to get something they should be able to access, like proper healthcare and the likes. Everyone calls in favours. There's no such thing as meritocracy. Everyone's skipping the queue and pushing everyone else's waiting back'.
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Brianna Parkins: I'm the one who sought a life elsewhere, who am I to feel homesick?
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'This is why we can't have nice things in this country. We can't because no one follows the rules.' In Australia, Breda says she could access healthcare with relative ease.
She adds of Ireland: 'We got a rental because we knew someone. That means someone else who is desperate for a rental didn't get it. We came back in a housing crisis. We haven't been able to purchase a house, we've been cut off so many times from other people that it's hopeless now. And moving to Dublin is hopeless.'
Breda and her husband commute to work. 'There is no commuter train that gets us into an office for nine o'clock in the morning. There is no road infrastructure to get there ... All the companies are around Dublin, Cork and the likes, generally, so it has impacted your professional choices. I'd really like if I worked part-time around the kids. But that flexibility isn't available. You see corporates talking about how everyone has to come back into the office now.'
Breda says they have decided to return to Australia later this year. 'My husband and I both worry excessively about our ageing parents [in Ireland]. It's a real concern.
'Australia's not perfect. It's just that we had curated a life that was pretty close to it ... and we hadn't realised you can't create that everywhere.'
*Name has been changed