Here's how to party like John Lennon

The Herald Scotland

15-05-2025

Reader John Mulholland says: 'The nominative determinism gods clearly have a sense of humour, for the BBC reported that a consultant urologist has invented a new product that reduces plastic and simplifies the process for taking urine samples.'
Adds John: 'There cannot be a better name for a man who has, no doubt, inserted many catheters than… Mr Nick Burns-Cox.'
Jarring error
Many years ago reader Robert Menzies was diagnosed as gluten-intolerant.
'Overnight I had to forego most biscuits and cakes,' he says.
'However, I found I could obtain gluten-free flour. My mother duly put this in a large glass container, which she then labelled as 'Glutton Free'.'
'At least she was half right,' adds Robert.
Bonkers buying
Lidl provides a fascinating shopping experience where you are apt to stumble upon the most idiosyncratic items for sale.
A readers recently claimed to have spotted on the shelves, then purchased, a ukulele, a hedge-trimmer and a snorkel.
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village was intrigued by this selection, and says. 'I'm trying to work out which of the items he would use with the snorkel. Maybe he uses both of them with it. Sub-aqua ukulele-playing and underwater hedge-trimming both sound like interesting activities.'
David Donaldson spotted this car parked in Glasgow's Westbourne Gardens. 'This Mini Countryman will definitely get you from A to Z,' he says. 'In other words, the full gamut of destinations.' (Image: Contributed)
Medical mystery
For many years reader Simon Mitchell worked as a GP in a busy practice in Aberdeen, where he was confronted by a wide range of patients.
Simon informed one husky voiced chap that he had laryngitis, which elicited a curious response.
'What on earth is that?' croaked the mystified patient. 'Sounds like some sort of Roman general.'
Beatling about
Strapped-for-cash reader Andy Michaels informed his teenage son that he'd be having a John Lennon-themed birthday party this year.
'What does that mean?' asked his highly suspicious son.
'You'll have to imagine all the people,' said dad.
Captive audience
A chum of reader Susan Peterson used to work as a tutor in a prison where the inmates were attempting to improve their literacy.
Susan once asked her chum how the English teaching job was going.
'Oh, you know,' said the pal, 'it has its prose and cons.'
Communication breakdown
And now for a tragic tale of marital disharmony.
'My wife has threatened to leave me because of my obsession with old-fashioned CB radios,' sighs reader Brian Munro. 'I guess our marriage is over, over.'