Onion Editors on Reddit IAMA
We are the editors of The Onion , America's Finest News Source.
We will be over at /r/IAMA answering your questions today beginning at 1:00 Eastern/12:00 Central to celebrate this week's release of our special issue sent to all 535 members of Congress at all of their 1,824 offices. We wrote this issue—and its front-page editorial—after deciding the average American is no longer worth writing for, given their total lack of power, financial resources, or knowledge about anything that matters. Instead, we've tailored this edition to the interests of federal lawmakers: Tax loopholes. Insider trading. Tips for avoiding constituents. Free subscriptions to Covenant Eyes.
You are welcome to ask us anything, be it about the Congress issue, the recently restored print edition, femurs, skulls, the third metatarsal, the relaunched Onion News Network, various vertebrae, or The Onion in general. You are also welcome to not ask us anything, but you will regret it for the rest of your life because, frankly, this is your best shot at doing anything that matters in your otherwise unimpactful life.
We will split up your questions and answer as many as we can, but if you don't receive an answer, just know that it's because your question was bad and you are an idiot.
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- Boston Globe
‘War does not solve problems,' declares the pope. He's wrong.
No rational human being denies that war is terrible. Wherever there is armed conflict, there is death, pain, and destruction. But that does not mean that war never solves problems. Sometimes it's the only thing that does. Advertisement The Revolutionary War solved the problem of American subjugation to a far-off British monarchy. The American Civil War solved the problem of slavery in the southern United States. World War II halted Adolf Hitler's conquest of Europe and stopped the Holocaust. Operation Desert Storm liberated Kuwait from Iraqi occupation. Israel's War of Independence ended 19 centuries of Jewish statelessness. Far from being 'amplified' by war, those injustices were finally resolved because governments embarked on combat and citizens risked their lives to fight. Get The Gavel A weekly SCOTUS explainer newsletter by columnist Kimberly Atkins Stohr. Enter Email Sign Up The pope is right to highlight the suffering of wartime — the pain of mothers, the fear of children, the desolation of stolen futures. But where is his acknowledgement of the suffering caused by tyranny and submission? Pope Leo says nothing about the pain of mothers whose loved ones are rounded up by secret police. Or the fear of children who grow up Advertisement 'May diplomacy silence the weapons,' prays the new pope. Diplomacy is not the opposite of force; often it depends on the credible threat of force to be effective. Conversely, there is nothing admirable about sending in diplomats to forestall a confrontation with an unrepentantly evil regime. That was the West's approach to Iran for the past two decades, an approach that emboldened Tehran to believe it could In a famous 1942 essay, ' support the war against Hitler was 'objectively pro-fascist,' he said. Those who insisted that Of course there are times when nonviolence is the best means of resisting evil. Part of what made the civil rights movement in the 1950s and '60s so effective at changing hearts and minds, and ultimately the law, was the rigorous Advertisement But when it comes to relations among nations, a refusal to fight when necessary should not inspire moral admiration. Far from preventing violence, it often emboldens the violent to new and worse brutality. When Neville Chamberlain at Munich in 1938 agreed that Nazi Germany could help itself to a swath of Czechoslovakia, Hitler took Britain's reluctance to resist as As the pope assuredly is aware, nothing in Scripture portrays pacifism as a moral absolute. On the contrary, For all its heartfelt eloquence, Pope Leo's statement reflects a peace-at-any-price mindset that appeals more to emotion than experience. In theory, we all want to 'chart the future with works of peace.' But peace is not always just, and justice is not always peaceful. And sometimes the most meaningful prayer is not that the weapons be silenced but that the righteous be granted the strength to endure the fight. Advertisement To subscribe to Arguable, Jeff Jacoby's weekly newsletter, visit . Jeff Jacoby can be reached at
an hour ago
Kilmar Abrego Garcia is expected to be released from jail only to be taken into immigration custody
NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Kilmar Abrego Garcia is expected to be released from jail in Tennessee on Wednesday, only to be taken into immigration custody. The Salvadoran national whose mistaken deportation became a flashpoint in the fight over President Donald Trump's immigration policies has been in jail since he was returned to the U.S. on June 7, facing two counts of human smuggling. On Sunday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Barbara Holmes ruled that Abrego Garcia does not have to remain in jail ahead of that trial. On Wednesday afternoon, she will set his conditions of release and allow him to go, according to her order. However, both his defense attorneys and prosecutors have said they expect him to be taken into custody by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement as soon as he is released on the criminal charges. In addition, federal prosecutors are appealing Holmes' release order. Among other things, they expressed concern in a motion filed on Sunday that Abrego Garcia could be deported before he faces trial. Holmes has said previously that she won't step between the Department of Justice and the Department of Homeland Security. It is up to them to decide whether they want to deport Abrego Garcia or prosecute him. Abrego Garcia pleaded not guilty on June 13 to smuggling charges that his attorneys have characterized as an attempt to justify his mistaken deportation in March to a notorious prison in El Salvador. Those charges stem from a 2022 traffic stop for speeding in Tennessee during which Abrego Garcia was driving a vehicle with nine passengers. At his detention hearing, Homeland Security Special Agent Peter Joseph testified that he did not begin investigating Abrego Garcia until April of this year. Holmes said in her Sunday ruling that federal prosecutors failed to show that Abrego Garcia was a flight risk or a danger to the community. He has lived for more than a decade in Maryland, where he and his American wife are raising three children. However, Holmes referred to her own ruling as 'little more than an academic exercise,' noting that ICE plans to detain him. It is less clear what will happen after that. Although he can't be deported to El Salvador — where an immigration judge found he faces a credible threat from gangs — he is still deportable to a third country as long as that country agrees to not send him to El Salvador.
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Alvin Bragg, Manhattan prosecutor who took on Trump, wins Democratic primary in bid for second term
NEW YORK -- NEW YORK (AP) — Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg, the prosecutor who oversaw the historic hush-money case against President Donald Trump, won Tuesday's Democratic primary as he seeks reelection. Bragg defeated Patrick Timmins — a litigator, law professor and former Bronx assistant district attorney — to advance to November's general election. About 70% of registered Manhattan voters are Democrats. The first-term incumbent will face Republican Maud Maron, who was a public defender for decades and previously ran for Congress and NYC's City Council as a Democrat. Bragg has long been one of the nation's most prominent prosecutors, spotlighted in TV's 'Law & Order' and other shows. The DA directs about 600 attorneys in one of the biggest local prosecutors' offices in the U.S. He raised the office's profile still further by bringing the hush-money case. His predecessor, fellow Democrat Cyrus R. Vance Jr., spent years investigating various Trump dealings but didn't procure an indictment. Bragg decided to focus on how and why porn actor Stormy Daniels was paid $130,000 to clam up about her claims of a 2006 sexual encounter with the married Trump. The payment was made, through the then-candidate's personal attorney, weeks before the 2016 presidential election. Trump's company records logged the money as a legal expense. Trump denied any wrongdoing and any sexual involvement with Daniels. But a jury last year found him guilty of 33 felony counts of falsifying business records, the first-ever felony conviction of a former — and now again — U.S. commander in chief. Trump is appealing the verdict. The Republican president has long derided the case as a political 'witch hunt,' and he has kept lambasting Bragg by social media as recently as March. Bragg, 51, was a civil rights lawyer, federal prosecutor and top deputy to New York's attorney general before becoming DA. Raised in Harlem and educated at Harvard, he's the first Black person to hold the post. His tenure had a rocky start. Days after taking office in 2022, he issued a memo telling staffers not to prosecute some types of cases, nor seek bail or prison time in some others. After criticism from the police commissioner and others, Bragg apologized for creating 'confusion' and said his office wasn't easing up on serious cases. The matter continued to animate his critics. Trump repeatedly branded Bragg 'soft on crime,' and Timmins said on his campaign site homepage that the memo "has brought about increased crime and a perception of chaos in the subway and on our streets.' Timmins — who has raised about $154,000 to Bragg's $2.2 million since January 2022 — also pledged to do more to staunch subway crime, keep cases from getting dismissed for failure to meet legal deadlines, and prioritize hate crimes, among other things. Bragg's campaign emphasized his efforts to fight gun violence, help sexual assault survivors, prosecute hate crimes and go after bad landlords and exploitative bosses, among other priorities. His office, meanwhile, has been enmeshed in a string of high-profile cases in recent months. The office is using a post-9/11 terrorism law to prosecute UnitedHealthcare CEO killing suspect Luigi Mangione, lost a homicide trial against Marine veteran and Republican cause célèbre Daniel Penny in a case that stirred debate about subway safety and self-defense, and retried former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein on sex crimes charges. Mangione, Penny and Weinstein all pleaded not guilty. Bragg unexpectedly inherited the Vance-era Weinstein case after an appeals court ordered a new trial. In a jumbled outcome, jurors this month convicted Weinstein on one top charge, acquitted him of another and didn't reach a verdict on a third, lower-level charge — which Bragg aims to bring to trial a third time.
