Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on swinging scandals, friendship fallouts and religious backlash

BBC News

2 days ago

From allegations of infidelity to swinging scandals, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives offers a look into a version of Mormon life far removed from traditional public perception.Set in suburban Utah, the TV series follows a group of Mormon women – most of whom rose to fame on TikTok and became MomTok influencers – as they manage scandals, confront marital breakdowns and clash over everything from business ventures to party invitations.But beneath the sensational plotlines is a more complex story about the evolving dynamics within a tight-knit community.The group of Mormon mothers have been making content online for the past five years but say the concept of reality TV still feels very new to them. "I've heard that eventually people learn how to play the reality TV game but that's not us yet, we're still trying to figure it out," Jessi Ngatikaura tells the BBC. "So you're getting to see the real us."
What started off as a hobby has now become a job and the women speak openly on the show about the amount of money they make from reality TV and brand deals."It is totally our job now but we chose this and we could all walk away any time if we didn't want to be part of it," Jessi says. Whitney Leavitt explains that "naturally dynamics will change when there's more money and family involved and definitely some people get competitive" but reassures me the group are still friends off camera. Across the two seasons of the show, Jessi and Whitney have had challenging storylines play out - Whitney is presented as the villain in season one and at the end of season two it is alleged Jessi has had an affair. The pair speak candidly about the impact having your life watched and commented on by millions of people worldwide has had on them.
"It's been hard coming to terms with the fact we have no control over the narrative and you don't ever really get over it," Whitney explains. "But you have to accept that and let it go."As the show follows the lives of nine friends, it's easy to see how some of them may create more drama for themselves in order to guarantee some screen time but Jessi insists that's not the case and no one "plays up but naturally emotions are heightened"."We're actually recording four or five days a week so we don't know what will make the final edit."Jessi says her explosive Halloween party was not manufactured by producers and there is just "naturally so much drama that we don't need to create more just for the show".
'Lots of resentment'
Given the intensity of drama and filming demands, the presence of strong aftercare is essential and both women praise the production for its duty of care standards. "There are always therapists on hand and at first I was like why are Taylor and Jen having therapy all the time and now I'm having five or six hours of it a week," Jessi confesses. "I've found it's useful even if you're not going through a hard time." Whitney also accessed some aftercare in season one after being presented as the villain of the show."It totally sucked being the villain and I was angry, had a lot of resentment and was really sad. There were so many overwhelming emotions for me but I was proud that instead of running away I stayed and had those hard conversations I didn't want to have," Whitney says. Whitney was one of the members of the MomTok group that Taylor Frankie Paul publicly revealed was involved in "soft swinging", something she denies and caused a rift to form in their friendship.
The open discussions around sex, marital affairs and alcohol on the show has caused some backlash from the Mormon church. "When the first trailer came out there was some backlash from the church because they were scared but actually we're showing you how we live the Mormon life and we all live it differently," Whitney says. Jessi adds the docudrama shows how "we are all normal and everyday girls, not people wearing bonnets and churning butter like you might think". The women say that not only has the church come to accept the show, they are also helping young women think about their faith differently. "We've definitely influenced people to question their faith, dive deeper into it or be more honest about it and I've had messages from some people saying that they're joining the church because of me," Jessi says. While their religion plays an important part of their life, they're keen to tell me that they are not the face of Mormonism. "There are Mormons who still get upset about it but we're just showing our version of it and I think that's empowering as hopefully people can relate to our stories and struggles."