Colman Noctor: Less screen time a ‘game' changer for bored children during summer

Irish Examiner

22-07-2025

MANY parents feel conflicted about the summer holidays. On the one hand, there's relief from making lunches, washing uniforms, and doing homework.
On the other hand, despite the number of summer camps, children have lots of unstructured time for endless gaming on platforms like Roblox, Fortnite, or Minecraft.
As the first month of the primary school summer holidays ends, some parents will have noticed familiar patterns in their children, like glazed eyes, resistance to logging off, repeated requests for virtual currencies, like Robux or V-Bucks, and pleas to 'log in for just a minute' for some 'essential' update. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, and your child is not unusual.
These games are designed to be highly addictive. The offer of instant reward, creative freedom, and social interaction is hugely appealing to young children.
However, excessive gaming can impact vital developmental experiences like boredom, physical activity, creativity, and real-life social connection.
Instead of banning gaming, the goal should be to find a balance for your child. This can be achieved by using strategies to help them manage their gaming habits and avoid turning your home in to a battleground.
Approach with curiosity, not conflict
If your child is immersed in a game, begin with curiosity. Ask what they enjoy. Is it building, competing, or playing with friends?
Often, it is not the screen that the child desires, but what the screen provides them.
This can include feelings of autonomy, mastery, achievement, and connection.
Understanding these motivations will help you when suggesting meaningful offline alternatives.
Create a flexible structure
Co-create a daily rhythm with your child, of which gaming is only one part. Unlike rigid schedules, rhythms focus on tasks to be completed rather than timed activities.
For example, mornings could include some deal-breakers, such as having breakfast, getting dressed, and some outdoor or physical activity.
If the weather isn't ideal, suggest creative indoor options, like drawing or Lego. Once these activities are done, screen time (with limits) can be allowed.
Explain that screen time is like junk food, in that it is OK in moderation, but it is not the mainstay of your dietary intake.
Screen time should occur alongside healthy routines, which include time with family and friends and doing their allocated chores.
And, like junk food, there should be minimal screen time late in the day, as the evening should consist of calming activities, such as reading or a bath.
The American Academy of Paediatrics supports this 'collaborative structure' approach and suggests it could take the form of a visible agreement posted on the fridge for all to see.
It recommends avoiding strict bans, which can lead to resistance and do not address the child's need to develop self-regulation skills. Instead, clear and consistent, but flexible, guidelines are encouraged.
Manage transitions
Logging off can feel like a dopamine crash for children. It is advisable to ease these transitions by having a 'next activity' readily available.
This can be something simple, like a snack, a walk, or a card game — just something that can soften the landing.
It also helps to give time warnings during transitions — like '10 minutes left' — to avoid the child starting a new game just before screen time ends.
Allowing a few extra minutes to save their progress can also reduce conflict.
Just as you wouldn't want your Netflix show cut off at a cliffhanger moment, children need the same consideration when gaming.
Offer appealing alternatives
We're competing with technology for our children's attention. So, telling a child to stop gaming and clean their room is unlikely to be effective.
We need to provide real-world, dopamine-engaging alternatives to match the video game's appeal. Doing this can be quite challenging, because games like Roblox provide constant feedback through reward coins and badges, and completed levels.
Real life, especially during summer, can seem much slower and less thrilling by comparison. However, suggestions like movie-making, water play, baking, or a game of UNO could be helpful.
I can hear many parents say, 'Where would I get the time for all of that?' However, the world we live in means that, whether we like it or not, it's our responsibility to make offline fun as engaging as online gaming.
Support social needs offline
Instead of just focusing on reducing screen time, we also need to consider supporting children's social skills beyond their screens.
The less confident or familiar children feel with face-to-face communication, the more attractive text and screen-based communication will become.
Consider the challenges faced by many Gen Z individuals who find unannounced phonecalls or visitors intimidating.
For many children, online gaming is a social hub. Without the daily contact they are accustomed to with classmates, the summer can feel lonely, and online gaming can fill this void.
Therefore, we need to consider ways to increase their opportunities for face-to-face interaction.
While my 12-year-old daughter loves playing online games with her friends, I do not doubt that if the option to meet them in person were available, she would prefer that.
If the summer feels lonely for your child, try to support their in-person interaction by arranging meet-ups with friends, group outings, or time at the park.
Again, this can be tough for working parents, but these interactions teach children how to navigate digital and real-world friendships, and are essential life skills.
Let boredom spark creativity
The classic cry of 'I'm bored' is familiar over the summer break, but instead of seeing boredom as the enemy, it can be the birthplace of imagination.
There is something wonderful about seeing a bored child turn an empty cardboard box into a spaceship or witnessing what they can do with a piece of chalk and a pavement.
However, children who become used to constant entertainment may struggle to tolerate boredom, and this skill may need to be taught and facilitated.
So, don't rush to fill every quiet moment. Let them experience the discomfort of having nothing to do and then discover their own ways to self-entertain.
Helping them sit with boredom builds resilience and offers a window for creativity.
Look beneath the surface
Sometimes, excessive gaming is not just a habit, but a coping mechanism for loneliness or anxiety. Without the school's structure, these anxious feelings can intensify in summer.
Check in gently to see how your child is feeling and see if gaming might be a symptom, rather than a problem.
Celebrate progress over perfection
Don't expect instant, dramatic changes. It is difficult for any child to reduce their gaming from four hours daily to 30 minutes, so acknowledge the small wins.
Statements like, 'You played calmly just now and logged off without a fuss, great job' will help, as positive reinforcement is crucial while building a child's self-regulation skills.
You could consider implementing a reward system to encourage your child to manage their gaming-related distress. For example, if they stick to their agreed time allocation, play calmly, and log off without a fuss, they earn bonus time for the next session.
If they resist or argue, the time allocated for the next screen session is reduced. This approach reinforces self-control and accountability.
Remember, not all screen time is equal. If the child is using screens in a productive way, creating something, or learning a skill via an online tutorial, this is not the same as gaming and should not count as their permitted screen time.
We need to teach children the difference between 'time spent' and 'time well spent'.
Model healthy habits
Children imitate what they see. If you're constantly on your phone or laptop, they notice.
Try creating your own screen-free rituals and invite your child to join.
Your actions speak louder than any rule.
Design a healthy summer game plan
Think like a game designer. Modify the environment, build in rewards, offer engaging alternatives, and maintain emotional connection.
Remember, the best summer memories are made with muddy wellies, glowing cheeks, and late-night giggles, not on a screen.
Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist