Fury As Family Refuses To Let Kids' Nanny Eat Their Food
Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content.
A 19-year-old au pair's account of being banned from eating most of the food in her host family's home has sparked outrage online.
In a post to Reddit, the woman explained that she arrived in the U.S. in February to work as an au pair, a live-in nanny under a cultural exchange program that provides housing, meals and a small stipend in exchange for childcare. But, as she explained her situation, it quickly became clear that the reality was grimmer than promised. Since her post was published, it has received 6,000 upvotes.
Newsweek spoke to Blanka Molnar, a conscious parenting coach and Family Constellation practitioner, about the power dynamics at play and how the poster should proceed.
Stock photo: A woman has a fake tea party with a child she is looking after.
Stock photo: A woman has a fake tea party with a child she is looking after.
SementsovaLesia/Getty Images
The poster wrote that the experience had been a long-time goal, and while she enjoys caring for the two children, the problem lies with their parents.
"Since I arrived, they told me that I'm only allowed to eat the items from one cabinet, nothing else, and they will only replenish once a month," she wrote. "They have cameras and will see if I try anything."
According to her post, the cabinet contains only tortillas, canned vegetables, beans and boxes of mac and cheese.
The au pair contacted her agency but was told that "the family is allowed to do that as long as they give me food." She could either try to match with a new family or go home. Not wanting to "give up," she stayed, and began purchasing her own snacks with her own money.
Spending most of the day with the children, she found herself needing to eat such snacks in front of them, which led to trouble. The kids began asking her to share, and she told them to ask their parents because she didn't have a lot to offer. When they did, their mother "blew up at me...telling me that I had a lot of audacity denying her kids food inside her home, that if I ate in front of them, I had to share, and that I couldn't bring this kind of junk into her home."
Under the post, many commenters urged her to leave.
"They are NOT providing you with enough food," one person wrote. "You should be allowed to eat whatever the family eats. Keep calling the agency and ask to speak to a higher up until they do something about this."
Another added, "Get out of that place ASAP. Any human being who doesn't provide a person living under their roof (employee or otherwise) with fresh food (you say you only get tinned options) and then gets revved up when you don't share snacks...is a huge red flag."
'Food Is Not a Privilege'
Molnar, who runs a parenting coaching company called Awarenest, told Newsweek she sees troubling dynamics in the story as a family expert and former au pair herself.
"Withdrawing and limiting food, consciously or unconsciously, is a 'power move' that signals control over another person, especially someone in a vulnerable position, like an au pair," she said. "Her feelings are valid, and food is not a privilege but a human necessity."
Asked whether it's reasonable for the au pair to draw food boundaries with the children, Molnar said absolutely. "In this case, it's actually necessary, but it can be incredibly difficult for several reasons," she said, citing potential lack of experience, and confidence, on the au pair's part, and her limited resources.
Her advice to the poster? "As a former au pair, I would ask the agency to match me with another family, as I do not think that the mother's behavior would change, and living with this kind of behavior is energy draining and can be traumatic in the long term," she said.
And, for host families, she added that accepting the full emotional and logistical requirements that come with hosting someone is paramount.
"This isn't optional," Molnar said. "It's a fundamental part of the au pair program...Au pairs are not cheap labor or house help. They are young people stepping into caregiving roles in unfamiliar environments. Respecting their basic needs is the bare minimum."
Newsweek reached out to u/Remote-Narwhal5726 for comment via Reddit.
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