Dear Coleen: I'm grieving and worried sick about my health
Dear Coleen
I'm a woman in my 40s and have very bad health anxiety at the moment. I'm sure it's got something to do with my age and feeling older, but I've lost three people close to me in the space of six months, which has been very hard.
One was an old friend, who I'd known since school, then my dad passed away and then my cousin, who was the same age as me. They all died from different types of cancer and now it's all I think about.
I've been putting off health checks, as I'm too scared to go in case I also have the disease, which I know doesn't make any sense, but I don't want to face the possibility that something is wrong with me. I have two young children and the thought of leaving them without a mother haunts me.
I feel ill all the time, which is probably psychosomatic, but I Google my symptoms constantly. It's really affecting my mental health and my quality of life.
I know you've been bereaved recently and have cancer in your family, and wonder how you've been able to cope. Any ideas to help calm my anxiety would be welcome.
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Coleen says
When people close to you die, I think it's natural to think about your own mortality. I felt it after my sister Linda died in January, so I don't want you to think you're alone in trying to process these thoughts and feelings. I also felt selfish and quite guilty for thinking about myself, which is maybe something you've felt, too.
I dealt with my grief for Linda and my fears around my own health by having therapy. I realised I was feeling overwhelmed and it helped a lot to speak to someone.
You've had to cope with a lot in the past six months, so please reach out to your GP or have a look online for private therapists or support groups. The bereavement charity Cruse (cruse.org.uk) is a good place to start and you can search for its local support services. Stop Googling – if you stub your toe, the chances are the internet will tell you that cancer is a possibility.
I think it also helps to own how you feel and name your fears because they lose some of their power and become less scary. Tell friends and your partner how you feel and get their perspective.
Explain to your doctor you're afraid of screening. If you did have a health issue, not getting tested won't make it go away and the purpose of screening is to catch disease early and treat it.
Also, if you have tests and get the all-clear, it'll give you peace of mind and remove anxiety.
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