Networking For Introverts: Tips for Finding Quality Over Quantity

Forbes

4 days ago

Effective networking goes well beyond small talk.
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Despite efforts by the likes of Susan Cain, author of the bestseller 'Quiet', to shed light on what it really means to be an introvert, misconceptions remain. In particular, the idea that introverts are shy and socially challenged has been a tough stereotype to shed.
The problem for many introverts like myself is that no matter how good we get at understanding our brain's wiring and how to make it work to our advantage, we can still buy into what conventional wisdom says of what we should like doing or can.
It doesn't matter how many enjoyable social experiences I have, the idea of doing them still causes some trepidation. But as I seem to realize repeatedly, attending the party isn't the problem; it's what you do there that determines your experience.
Similarly, when people think of networking, images of chatty cocktail hours or awkwardly asking strangers for job leads tend to come to mind.
'Many people see networking as synonymous with asking for referrals. If this is your mental model, it makes sense to think that extroverts have a natural advantage,' Dan Freehling, an executive coach and the founder of Contempus Leadership, told me.
To help introverts shed any of their own stereotypes about what it means to network well, I asked career coaches for guidance on networking ideas that get to the heart of both what introverts do well and what it actually means to be a good networker.
The first step for introverts who feel like they are at an inherent disadvantage is to understand that networking 'is not about socializing, it's about learning from people who actually know what they're talking about so you can zero in on the right opportunities for you,' Freehling said.
Sure, excelling at small talk might make for a smoother initial interaction, but effective networking depends on what happens from there. As Devora Zack, author of 'Networking for People Who Hate Networking,' writes, while 'extroverts collect a bigger stack of cards; introverts connect through deeper conversations.'
'My biggest networking tip for introverts is to change your metaphor. Great networking isn't schmoozing, it's detective work,' Freehling said.
Getting comfortable with a new definition of networking is important because 'if you believe you're not good at networking, you're also going to put less effort in,' international career coach Simone Anzböck told me. This idea is rooted in psychologist Carol Dweck's research on fixed versus growth mindsets, as well as a 2020 study that applies this theory directly to networking.
The main takeaway here is that good networking is not something you're born with. It can be learned, and some effective approaches may even favor the introverted among us.
Much like small talk, introverts aren't the best at elevator pitches, either. But we are good listeners who tend to bring a genuine sense of curiosity to meaningful conversations.
This is where Freehling's detective metaphor can make the process a whole lot more appealing for introverts, many of whom thrive in that kind of research-oriented work. A career coach once advised me to wear my journalist hat when networking, because it can and should feel like you're on a fact-finding mission.
This shift in perspective can not only take advantage of your strengths, but also address a blind spot that many on the job hunt have.
'The real problem most job seekers face is that they don't know nearly enough about the sectors they're targeting and how to best present the value they bring. Networking is how you solve that,' Freehling said.
When approaching a new connection, doing so with clarity, curiosity, and purpose can lay the groundwork for a conversation that's both enjoyable and contributes to your career goals. Keep it simple and have a clear ask, Kelsi Kriitmaa, a social impact career coach, advises.
'Don't just say, 'I'd love to connect,' say why,' Kriitmaa said. 'Are you curious about how they transitioned sectors? Want to understand how they landed their role? Looking for insights on your next move? Say that.'
If you fancy yourself a considerate introvert, you probably overthink situations like this, worried that you'll be a bother. But according to Kriitmaa, with this approach, 'clarity isn't pushy, it's respectful of people's time and energy, and people are far more likely to respond to something real and specific than a vague message that feels like a copy and paste.'
Whether you're an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between, it's common to avoid thinking about networking until you find yourself looking for work. The problem, of course, is that good networking means building strong relationships, and this takes time.
Therefore, part of your perspective shift should include adopting a 'give before you get' mindset, Kriitmaa said, which helps you to 'nurture relationships before you 'need' them, so that when the time comes to ask for support, advice, or intros, you've already built trust. It's called relationship equity, and it compounds over time.'
Simple actions one could take on LinkedIn include congratulating someone on a new role or sharing an event they might not have seen. 'This isn't about being transactional, it's about being generous, early and often,' Kriitmaa said.
'Think about how you can connect people to one another, or how you can connect useful information to people,' Anzböck added. 'You should be thinking more about the long-term gain of the relationship.'