Celebrating Mother's Day As A Solo Mom
Michelle Stansbury and daughter Courtesy of the author
Mother's Day often conjures idyllic images of breakfast in bed, handmade cards and flower bouquets. But the holiday is complicated for a lot of families – those unable to conceive, someone without a positive relationship with their own mother or non-traditional families. For single and solo mothers, like myself, the challenge is that planning your own Mother's Day instead of having a partner arrange a celebration can feel like one more task on an already too-long to-do list of work and household responsibilities. But opting out of the holiday entirely might feel like a missed opportunity to commemorate the extraordinary journey of motherhood.
In the US, approximately 21% of mothers are single moms . Solo mothers still range in their circumstances and experiences, but more often than not, they shoulder a lot of responsibility. We handle school drop-offs and pick-ups, navigate tantrums and triumphs and shoulder the weight of major decisions, all while typically financially supporting the household. According to the Insure.com 2023 Mother's Day Index, the tasks that moms perform at home would be equivalent to an annual salary of $133,440 in the professional world. Recognizing this immense effort is the first step in celebrating Mother's Day. Then, disregard the ideas of what the holiday should look like and instead decide what you want – or need – for the day.
This year, I'm treating myself to a solo sleep-cation at Omni La Costa, a local resort, for some much-needed downtime. While the self-care for moms has been commercialized into selling bath bombs and face masks, for me nothing beats rest to help me feel like the best mom – and person – I can be. Juggling work and family as a single mom doesn't leave me much time for myself, so a quiet night before the holiday is just what I need to show up with gratitude and joy on Mother's Day. Often, solo mothers are so focused on the needs of their children that their own well-being takes a backseat. Mother's Day is the perfect occasion to intentionally carve out time for yourself.
Erika Wasserman, a mom of three, has been divorced for 13 years and finds the holiday to be a tough day. She recounts in an email interview, 'For years, especially after preschool and the school made gifts stopped coming home, it was a really a hard day for me to see all these other moms being spoiled by their families, yet I was the one still getting up to make breakfast, plan the day, pay the dinner bill and yet my kids were still fighting, wanting things and have needs to be met that all fell to me.'
Some years, she would ask her children's father to keep them for Mother's Day while she had a quiet day at the beach reading a book. Now that her daughters are teenagers, it is a little different. Wasserman shares, 'They are old enough to recognize the day, some years they do make me breakfast in bed, or when they remember to write a card, but most years it's just another day in our house. I do my best to shift my mindset on those day to smile and grateful for what I have, not to be jealous of what I am seeing on social media and know one day my girls will be mothers and they will look back and know how much I loved them, did for them and put them first. That love doesn't have to come on a certain day. It comes in little moments throughout their lives.'
Dorcy Pruter, founder of the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute , has been a solo mom for over 22 years, raising two daughters. She recalls in an email interview that Mother's Day has been everything from gut-wrenchingly lonely to wildly empowering over the years. Pruter's takeaway is, 'Don't wait for permission to be celebrated. As solo moms, we often hold the emotional and logistical weight of the whole household. If there's no partner planning a breakfast-in-bed moment, you get to be the one to initiate your own ritual of celebration. I've taught moms to create a Sacred Self Day, whether that's a hike, a ceremony or just guilt-free silence and sunshine.'
Even young children can understand that Mother's Day is a special day, and while little kids may not be able to make you breakfast in bed (nor, perhaps, would you want them to!), they can often participate in other ways. But it's best not to put too high of expectations on small children who may get distracted while drawing you a handmade card or turn cleaning the floor into a broomstick sword fight.
If you're hoping for a present that you didn't pick out for yourself, there are plenty of companies that can surprise you with a curated gift. The Free Spirit Bundle , for example, sends you a collection of eclectic home decor options, with thoughtful wrapping for the experience of opening a beautiful present and the thrill of the unboxing. For apparel, StitchFix has specially trained M.O.M. (Milestones of Motherhood) stylists who can personalize a package of clothes and accessories. It's Okay Not To Celebrate Mother's Day
For Lakia Holmes, a Single Mom By Choice (SMBC), since her daughter Isla's birthday is around Mother's Day, she plans to spend the second Sunday in May throwing her a birthday party. She shared in an email interview, 'Knowing all I put my body through to have a baby and the sacrifices made to bring Isla into the world makes Mother's Day extra special to me. The day celebrates how strong I was in the face of infertility and that I didn't let it stop me from fulfilling my dream of being a mom.'
According to a National Retail Federation report , eighty-four percent of U.S. adults are expected to celebrate Mother's Day. On average, those celebrating plan to spend $254.04 on gifts and celebrations. It is more than okay to decide to skip the financial impact and mental burden of celebrating the holiday and instead focus on other priorities.
Motherhood is complex and there is no shame in having complicated feelings on Mother's Day. Consider spending part of the day with people who understand and appreciate your journey. Shared experiences and mutual support can be incredibly uplifting. Social media often presents an idealized version of Mother's Day; resist the urge to compare your celebration to others. Your journey is one-of-a-kind and your holiday can reflect that.
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"I've developed some skills around making a strawberry pie," he said, explaining the procedure: Start by baking off a pie crust (he "cheats" with store-bought), fill it with whole fresh berries (local, if in season), and top with glaze. "And when you get done, it is beautiful. It just glistens, it's so pretty. And the flavor is also fantastic. "It's not complex, but there are certain things where you use your chef's intuition, especially when you're making the glaze," Farnsworth added. "You want to make sure that it's just thick enough, not too thin, because then it'll all run down, and not too thick because then it'll lump up." He said when he's stirring the glaze, he can feel the subtle point where the glaze offers his whisk just the right amount of resistance. "It's very zen," chuckled his son. "I learned how to make it. My wife and daughters did too. We were never quite as good at it as my dad. We didn't always get it to gel properly. He's artistic in his presentation of the strawberries, and mounds them beautifully high. He's an outstanding chef, and he just has the touch." The main course for the Farnsworth family Father's Day gathering this year is indeed more like traditional dad food: grilled, applewood-smoked pork tenderloin from Ming Tsai's "Blue Ginger" cookbook. With the strawberry pie waiting in the wings, Dick Farnsworth will gladly preside over grill duties. "Of course," he said. "It's a Father's Day privilege." FUEL FOR AN IRONMAN DAD The Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommend an active man in his early 40s should eat about 2,800 calories a day. Zev Myerowitz Jr., 41, of Cape Elizabeth will consume more than twice as many calories this Father's Day. That may sound like a splurge, but it's only because he's also going to burn 6,000 calories beforehand. Myerowitz is well beyond "active": He's a nationally ranked Ironman triathlete. His annual Father's Day gift from his wife, Amber, is a "husband cycling day pass." "I don't have to take care of any kids," he said. "I get to ride all day long as long as I want, and I just have to be home for dinner." Last year, he and his bicycle racing buddies rode 150 miles in just over seven hours, with 10,000 feet of climbing around Peaked Mountain along the way. "We're not riding easy," he said. "We're riding hard." Myerowitz's food plans for the day are laser-focused on fueling his body for the epic ride. Before, during and immediately after the ride, he's throwing back thousands of calories from nutrient supplements like ketone shots, amino acids, bicarbonates, liquid carbohydrates, energy chews, and protein shakes fortified with probiotics and maple syrup for glycogen replacement. An hour after the ride, Myerowitz starts eating real food. First, a roughly 1000-calorie ham and pineapple pizza with a high-protein crust made from ground chicken, egg and Parmesan cheese. Then Amber makes him one of his favorite meals (about 2,000 calories, all in): gluten-free chicken Parmesan with charred broccoli and rice, followed by their traditional celebratory dessert. "As healthy as Zev Meyrowitz is, he has a sweet tooth," Amber said. "So we'll go to a local ice cream shop and just go wild." The Myerowitzes and their four young kids will head to Gelato Fiasco (for Myerowitz's favorite, Sweet Resurgam) or Willard Scoops in South Portland (for mint chocolate chip or pistachio — or both). "When you hollow out a leg, if you will, you get a little flexibility in how you refill it," Myerowitz said. Amber said when she and Myerowitz started dating about 16 years ago, he'd only just started his physical conditioning regimen. "I remember he went for a 3- or 4-mile run, and he was in so much pain the next day that he could barely get in and out of the car," she said. "So I've seen it from the beginning, and the progress he's made has been absolutely phenomenal. It takes true hard work and determination to be where he's at right now." Myerowitz earned his "pro card," enabling him to tour professionally on the Ironman circuit, though his full-time work as a chiropractor makes it unfeasible. Still, he trains up to 20 hours a week, from 4-7 a.m., so he can be available for the kids when they get up for the day. Amber said as much as she admires her husband's Ironman pursuits, the appeal of extreme endurance sports is lost on her. "I'm not going to even pretend that I want to do that," she laughs. "It's his thing. It's what he loves. But he's a phenomenal athlete and an even better dad." A PERUVIAN FEAST Luis Alberto Perez Narvaez of Bangor celebrates big days throughout the year with his version of a traditional meal from his native Peru: combinado siete colores. It's a combination of dishes like tallarines rojos (pasta in tomato sauce, highlighting the influence of Peru's Italian population); arroz con pollo; white fish ceviche; and papas a la huancaína (potatoes in a cheesy sauce spiced with aji amarillo peppers). The combinado plate — though Narvaez plates the dishes separately — traditionally displays seven colors. "In Peru, it's for special occasions. And for every single Sunday," laughed Narvaez. "It reminds me of soccer tournaments on Sundays in Peru." But because the feast takes Narvaez about six hours to pull together, he makes it only about six times a year. "It's not easy to do," he said. "It's a lot of work." He made the combinado siete colores for the first time in 2019, after gleaning tips from online instructional videos. Narvaez works in renovation construction and as a part-time Lyft driver. But in 2022, he briefly operated a Peruvian restaurant in Veazie called Mi Causa, where he honed his technique. "I'm doing it better now," he said. "With time and practice, you improve. And patience." A pivotal turning point in his learning curve came when he realized chicken in the United States is fattier than Peruvian poultry. To compensate, he now par-cooks the chicken separately to render and discard most of its fat. As a result, his arroz con pollo now tastes like what he remembers from Peru. The rice itself is multi-colored, flecked green with cilantro, spinach and peas, and studded with carrots and red peppers. The ceviche comes together quickest, since the fish marinates in leche de tigre — a lime juice-based mixture — only about a minute. He rounds out the seafood dish with red onion, cilantro, hot peppers, corn and roasted sweet potato. Narvaez is a single dad whose four children live with their mom. 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Desmond has entertained with pizzas in the past, and said his whole grain-crusted vegan pizzas go over just as well as the omnivore pies. "Often people will dig into the vegan pizzas and not necessarily notice they're eating the healthy pizza and enjoying it," he said. "They're delicious," Rosenthal said. "It's not like they're relegated to the vegans. He's really perfected his dough over the years. It's crispy on the bottom, with a chewy crust. He makes the basic elements really well, so the sauce and dough are full of flavor." His produce-centric creations this year include a pizza with wild mushrooms, caramelized onions and Miyoko's vegan mozzarella; a spinach, artichoke, yellow squash and pesto pie; and another with gnocchi, figs and walnuts. This year, Desmond will be cranking out pizzas with a new multi-fuel Ooni pizza oven, his Father's Day gift from Rosenthal and her parents. He said he looks forward to the day when his daughter, Margo, is old enough that he can teach her to cook. Rosenthal said she couldn't help but notice that Ooni also sells a toy pizza oven. "We'll probably get one of those for her once she's big enough for it." ------ GLAZED STRAWBERRY PIE This recipe originated with Dick Farnsworth's mom, Bessie. Farnsworth likes to top it with whipped cream and a little maple syrup. 3/4 cup water 2 tablespoons cornstarch 3 tablespoons strawberry gelatin 1/4 teaspoon salt 4 cups strawberries, hulled, washed and dried 1 (9-inch) baked pie shell Combine water, cornstarch, gelatin and salt in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir with a whisk until smooth. Cook 3 minutes or until thick and clear. Let cool until you can touch the glaze without discomfort. Mound the strawberries in the pie shell. Pour the glaze over berries, making sure all berries are covered. Copy the Story Link
