Is a toxic boss ruining your life? Here's what to do about it, before things get worse

New York Post

10 hours ago

If you're feeling overwhelmed and diminished at work, a toxic manager could be to blame.
A bad boss can define the work experience. Someone who casts down on the people who report to them and ignores their needs can end up demolishing their sense of belonging, determination and purpose, experts warn.
'A bad boss can make or break your employment,' Vicki Salemi, a New York City-based career expert for Monster, told USA Today.
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'You may love your job and enjoy time with your colleagues and the company you work for, but at the end of the day, if your boss is toxic, this often surpasses cumulative positive reasons to stay.'
Not only does having a bad boss decrease morale, it can also affect one's mental health. A 2024 survey by Monster found that 54% of those surveyed said they had poor mental health as a result of a toxic, controlling manager.
But how can you tell if your manager is toxic, and what can you do about it?
Signs that your manager is toxic
They don't have your back
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One telltale sign of a manager that doesn't support their employees is when they try to make a lower-level worker look bad and throw them under the bus.
'They dim your light to protect their ego,' Steven Claes, who writes about leadership, human resources and culture, recently shared on LinkedIn. 'Your success threatens their fragile self-esteem… Your confidence is the price of their power trip.'
'Your manager should be someone you think of as trustworthy. They should always have your back,' Salemi told USA Today. 'Whether you're in the room or not, they sing your praises.'
4 'A bad boss can make or break your employment,' Vicki Salemi, a career expert for Monster, told USA Today.
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They play favorites
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Playing favorites and pitting employees against one another also creates a hostile work environment.
'Say you're in a team meeting. You and four colleagues worked collaboratively on a project, but your boss only gives accolades and shines a spotlight on one person, their go-to favorite,' Salemi told the outlet. 'That's a sign of toxic leadership.'
Encouraging cliques or rivalries within the office, as well as withholding praise from certain employees and not others can take away any source of trust and collaboration.
They lack empathy and self-awareness
Toxic bosses often lack the ability to recognize their emotions, according to the American Association for Physician Leadership. They tend to think they're right about everything, which can lead to animosity on the team.
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'Toxic bosses don't invest time or energy in building relationships to understand how their communication approach may impact others,' the AAPL said. 'They struggle to relate to team members' challenges, perspectives, and emotions, and this in turn leads to low trust.'
4 Empathy and compassion allows a boss to lead and connect with their direct reports, and those who lack this trait tend to be toxic managers.
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They micromanage and make unrealistic demands
Another example of toxic behavior in a manager is someone who nitpicks every detail and checks in too much, or someone who asks for a detailed list of how you spent every minute of your workday.
This demonstrates a lack of trust and a need for control, insecurity as a manager, or the inability to delegate tasks.
And the demands can be unrealistic, such as expecting you to do the work of multiple people without proper compensation, which can ultimately lead to burnout, resentment and lower productivity.
Regardless, those who are micromanaged at work have reported nearly double the stress and tension at work compared to those who aren't micromanaged, according to a 2023 American Psychological Association survey.
'Toxic bosses will weaponize their authority, expecting employees to carry out their instructions obediently and without questioning their authority or the value of the work being undertaken,' the AAPL wrote. 'They seek to control how you complete your work.'
They reject feedback
If a boss is given constructive feedback and responds by getting defensive or dismissive, or even by retaliating, this is a sign of poor emotional intelligence and an inflexible mindset — which is an obstacle to successful leadership.
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'Accountability is for everyone else, not them,' Claes noted.
Along with rejecting feedback, toxic managers reject ideas from employees as well. 'They shut down new ideas faster than you can blink,' Claes wrote. ''We've always done it this way' is their mantra.'
4 Playing favorites and pitting employees against one another also creates a hostile work environment.
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How to deal with a toxic manager
'A good boss lifts you up. They don't tear you down. You deserve to feel valued at work,' Claes said on LinkedIn.
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When dealing with a toxic manager, Claes suggests making sure you know your worth, set clear boundaries, documenting everything, build a support network and if needed, look for a different job.
There are also direct steps you can take to potentially improve the situation and protect your well-being.
Talk to your boss directly
If you feel comfortable, you can approach the toxic manager directly and let them know how their behavior is affecting you.
'First, prepare what you're going to say with specific examples,' Salemi told USA Today. 'It's OK to go into the meeting with notes in your hand or on your phone.'
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She suggested taking the following steps:
State the facts of the situation. Let your boss know you felt unsupportive and share what you would hope for instead. Read their body language and allow for silence, even if it's uncomfortable.
'It's important to be factual. State specific examples, link them to your feelings, and talk about how it undermined your ability to do the work asked of you. Don't be accusatory or apportion blame,' the AAPL advised.
With a toxic boss, it's possible they may not respond well, perhaps deflecting or trying to gaslight you — but it's important to keep calm. And like Claes suggested, document the conversation in case you need to take it to to a higher up.
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4 There are direct steps you can take to potentially improve the situation and protect your well-being.
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Go to HR
If necessary, you can go to human resources for help with a toxic manager — but be cautious and only do it under certain circumstances.
'If it's a discrimination issue, then absolutely go to HR,' Salemi told USA Today. 'But if it's something like your boss playing favorites, that can be viewed as more subjective.'
Manage up
Managing up is more of a 'wild card' approach and is for certain situations. For example, if your manager is going on vacation and delegated tasks to you, you can schedule a time to meet with their boss to check in and provide updates on your end.
'It's not a one-size-fits-all approach, but it's more to get onto your boss's boss's radar screen so they can interact with you and see your hard work firsthand,' Salemi said.