Married Men Who Regret Getting Married Are Revealing The Shocking Reasons Why
We recently asked married men of the BuzzFeed Community who regret getting married to tell us why, and men who are currently or formerly married gave their honest answers, which range from shocking to completely heartbreaking. Here's what they had to say:
Note: Some submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/YBFAVBULL.
1."I was from the UK, and she was American. Basically, she was the woman of my dreams; I moved to the USA so we could live together. We married WAY too quickly, but it was easier visa-wise to stay together. The abuse started small, but got more severe over time. Physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I think there was some mental illness there, but she never bothered to find out. She finally cheated on me for a few months, and she gaslit me so much and was so cruel that I moved back to the UK and had a mental breakdown."
"From that to now, I'm remarried to a wonderful woman, who makes me happy every day."
—Anonymous, 44, UK
2."I have been married for over 23 years. We have two grown children together and shared some great times and adventures. Unfortunately, lately she has had zero drive to do anything. She sits in bed anytime she is at home, watching TV and being on her phone on social media. There is no sex. I stay active and healthy playing sports and building projects. My focus is the kids, so I spend my time with them doing activities and listening to what they say and how they are navigating life. The negative comments and constant nagging have left me lonely and emotionally unavailable."
"I haven't cheated, but I know there has to be more to life than this. If you are a woman reading this, don't think that because you love your husband, you can just keep dumping on him, and he will accept it. If he stopped arguing, doesn't ask for intimacy, and is generally quiet, he is moving on."
—Anonymous, 57, California
3."She used me for citizenship. She continued to steal money from me (our account) while I was working and sent it back to her family. We barely had sex — just enough to have two beautiful daughters. Eventually, she ended up cheating on me and kicking me out of the house (I slept in the garage for a while until I could figure something else out)."
"She spoils them (our daughters) even though she makes minimum wage. Now, many years later (after our divorce), she complains that I don't do enough for her (and our daughters, 16 and 21). I can't afford it! It makes me sick to think about"it."
—pastelhawk356
4."I was 29. We were barely dating, just casual. She told me she was pregnant and planned on keeping the baby, and to not worry about being involved if I didn't want to. Honestly, we didn't know each other very well. I couldn't stand the thought of having a child and not being there for them. I really fell in love with her. We made it work and had two more beautiful children. Our kids are grown, and she still considers motherhood her top priority."
"We are not intimate, and besides our children, we have little in common. I knew the risks I took, hoping to make things work for the sake of the children. I'll always love my wife, but can't help but think that we'd both be happier with different people."
—Anonymous, 54, California
5."I regret getting married as a broken teenager to another broken teenager. Life in that long marriage was so hard, and the problems it caused were absolutely devastating and damaging. I can't help but think about how much better life would have been if I had just chosen better. With that being said, I made a decent life for myself despite those problems, so I don't dwell on the regret."
—SaintofHellfire
6."I've discovered that I enjoy being single more than being in any of the relationships I've ever been in. I said forget it and settled. Now, I'm trapped in a terribly stressful marriage."
—Itsumiamario
7."We're possibly getting a divorce and losing everything we have built in the last 13 years. That being said, I don't regret the marriage — it was a title, a piece of paper, and a piece of jewellery. I just regret investing so much time in something only to lose it."
—Competitive_Ad_3743
8."I wish I hadn't married so young and with relatively little relationship experience. I married at 26, and it was only my third relationship (second sexual partner). Admittedly, she was the one keen to get married, and as neither of us wanted children, so it seemed like a good fit at the time as I assumed most women wanted kids, and I wasn't sure how easily I'd find another partner who didn't. We separated after eight years, mostly because we had grown apart and had nothing in common. In hindsight, we could/should have parted ways at least two years before that — I saw the writing on the wall but wasn't sure how to get out. I know some people marry their childhood sweethearts and stay together their entire lives, but people need to realise this is a very, very rare exception."
"These days, people have much higher expectations in life and more variety in dating opportunities. If I could advise my younger self, or people in a similar situation, it would be to know what you like, don't like, and what you will or won't tolerate in a partner. The good news is, life is much better now; I did my share of casual dating and am in a much better, stable relationship. No plans to marry again, though — once bitten, twice shy."
—willapp
9."Worst choice I ever made. It was due to an ultimatum, and I was being manipulated and coerced. I even knew it at the time, but I was so scared of being alone that I went with it anyway. It ultimately destroyed my life. Turns out, she's an abhorrent human being who seems to exist only to leech off others and destroy everything she touches. And we have a child, so I have the pleasure of watching her destroy yet another life, one day at a time."
—blakfeld
10."I often regret it. I felt we had a good sense of connection and understanding when we married. Looking back on it now, I realize much of that was based on misunderstandings and assumptions. We've had some good times, and I care about her, but at this point, marriage has been more stressful and exhausting than anything else."
—DogOnABike
11."I regret it. I mean, I found out two months after the wedding that she'd been having an affair since just before the wedding, and I now can't get divorced for a year."
—AllVersionsOfReality
12."I'm on the verge of divorce after 22 years of marriage and three kids. She turned to alcohol and is now constantly battling depression and mood swings. I stayed 15 years too long, hoping she would get help, but she just won't do it. Stayed for the kids, but my youngest is in 8th grade now, and I just can't. I will never get married again."
—ProfessionEqual5090
13."I wish I had the mindset and smarts at the time to date other people and choose a better match. I married for the wrong reasons and to the wrong person. That said, she brought our children into the world and that is the best thing in my life. While I respect her for that, I definitely have regrets."
—Routine_Mine_3019
14."I would say the first marriage wasn't a mistake, and it produced my children, who are fantastic. We just grew to be different people. The second marriage was a mistake. I chose to get married the second time to solve a problem that was never solved. We're currently going through a divorce. I have no intention of getting married again. I don't see the point in marriage because you can just choose to be in a committed relationship."
—rxwhippingpost
And finally...
15."I regretted my first marriage. I married too young and for the wrong person for the wrong reasons. My first marriage was super destructive. She abused me, took advantage of my good nature, and made my life a living hell. Getting divorced was the best decision I've made in my entire life. It wasn't just about leaving that relationship; it also got me in therapy and working on healthy boundaries. It got me to reevaluate all of the relationships in my life. It set me on the path of becoming a much wiser man."
"In my second marriage, I made very different choices and have the best relationship ever. Nothing has brought more joy to my life than being with someone who truly loves me, getting to love and take care of her, and having her love and take care of me. Marrying my second wife is the second-best decision I've ever made — to be in a healthy relationship, with good communication, where everyone knows how to feel, regulate, and express their feelings constructively. Where we like to do the same things on the weekends and where we like being together."
—AldusPrime
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Men who are currently married, do you regret your decision? Tell us why in the comments, or use this anonymous form below.
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