Question time returns, but you wouldn't look here for answers

The Age

6 days ago

That was after John Howard's Coalition smashed Paul Keating's Labor government.
All these years later, Anthony Albanese's Labor government, having reduced the Liberal-Nationals Coalition to even worse ruin than Keating's remnants, has precisely the same novel numbers problem.
And as Albanese and his colleagues have discovered, there just aren't enough seats on the government benches to accommodate 94 posteriors.
So overwhelming are the government numbers that Albanese no longer has just front benchers and backbenchers, but a group we might call assistant side benchers.
The side benchers, squeezed out of the government's regular seating arrangements behind the prime minister, have been consigned to spots across the House of Representatives aisle from the massed ranks of their Labor colleagues.
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All five are assistant ministers, which is to say, not quite of the front rank in the pecking order, but a step up from mere backbenchers.
The intriguing question, unanswered, is whether they are being taught a chastening lesson about status, or granted prized territory, allowing the prime minister to look fondly across at them as he rises to speak at the dispatch boxes.
The new government assistant side-benchers, anyway, are in spots previously occupied by crossbenchers – independents and Greens, who rarely attracted a fond gaze from a prime minister.
The independents, most of whom are known as teals, plus the single remaining Green and the hard-to-describe-but-certainly-independent Queenslander Bob Katter, have all been shoved further sideways to benches that were once occupied by Coalition MPs.
There are, of course, plenty of vacant spots for the incredibly shrinking Coalition after the Liberal Party's rout at the May election.
Their numbers have been reduced to even fewer than Labor's scant numbers after Howard's 1996 landslide.
Labor lost government in 1996 and was left with 49 seats. Now, the Coalition has just 43.
Liberal and Nationals MPs sit huddled together in a corner of the big house, an awkward partnership since their brief post-election break-up, trying to summon up the strength to caterwaul satisfactorily, and failing.
Side-eyes, you can be sure, are cast.
Angus Taylor and his disappointed minions of the Liberals' harder right must endure the sight of Sussan Ley leading them on a relatively moderate adventure.
Even deeper into the Coalition's age of discontent, two former Nationals leaders, Barnaby Joyce and Michael McCormack – bitter enemies of the past, now the living embodiment of 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' – have joined forces to cause current leader David Littleproud as much discomfort as they can.
Both Joyce and McCormack referred to themselves as 'virile' while pumping themselves up in media interviews on Wednesday, leading to one of the more curious moments in question time.
Energy Minister Chris Bowen suggested the two were intent on describing their Tinder [dating] profiles rather than their political fortunes.
Calling across the chamber to the put-upon Littleproud, Bowen said Joyce and McCormack were 'not looking to swipe right' but rather 'looking to swipe at the member for Maranoa [Littleproud]'.
Across the chamber, Albanese's assembled ranks, hip to hip across the benches, not a spare seat to be found, apparently figured that old standby of question time, the bellowing of feigned outrage, was no more than wasted energy in such an uneven contest.
Butter, it seemed, would not melt in this government's collective mouth.
And hip to hip? Right at the back of the backbench, some comedian had assigned side-by-side seats to a pair of physical giants: the new member for Leichardt, Matt Smith, who is a former Cairns Taipans basketballer, and the member for Hunter, former Olympic shooter Dan Repacholi.
Smith stands at 2.1 metres (6 feet, 11 inches) and Repacholi at 2.02 metres (6 feet, 8 inches).
The first two Dorothy Dixers were given to Labor's leader-slayers: Ali France, who took down the opposition's previous leader, Peter Dutton, and Sarah Witty, who dispensed with the Greens' Adam Bandt.
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France wanted to know about the government's efforts to ease the cost of living and Witty asked about reducing student debt. Utterly inoffensive, naturally, and designed for nothing more than drawing attention to their winning ways.
There were quite a few more questions, most of them predictable. Just don't call this first session of the 48th parliament 'answer time'.