I'm a proud gay gypsy – I was shunned for breaking traveller ‘rules' but here's why I'll never turn my back on community
LEAVING school young and putting on a huge, no-expense spared extravagant wedding usually go hand in hand in a traveller's life.
Except for Jessie Jeff, 33, who has totally bucked the trend and is the exact opposite of what you'd expect of a man born and raised within the Romany Gypsy community.
He's openly gay, marrying electrician husband Andy Wilson, 30, in 2022, and the couple even adopted four children under the age of ten two years ago.
Being gay is still deemed unacceptable among some in the traveller community and when Jessie first 'came out' he was estranged from his mum for three months - one relative even refused to share a cup with him in case he 'caught being gay'.
Jessie, who lives with his family in a detached four-bedroom house in Bournemouth, says: 'Nobody believes me when I say I'm a traveller. I've turned it all upside down. It hasn't been easy, when I came out as gay, my mother couldn't cope, and we stopped seeing each other for a while.
'In some traveller communities, gay men are still forced into marrying a woman. Thankfully, she's come round now and even lives with us, but it took time.
'I haven't turned my back on the gypsy community. You can't. I always compare it to being born into the Royal Family. It's your heritage."
Jessie's life now is a far cry from what those around him expected it to be.
Men like him usually follow a set path when it comes to work and relationships.
"It was ingrained in me that I'd leave school and start working in a physical job, such as roofing or being a tree surgeon," he says. "Instead, I'm university educated and work as a paramedic.
"I should have married young to a woman from the gypsy community. My wife would stay at home, while I provided for her.
'I don't know a single other professional, gay traveller who's adopted children – it's vanishingly rare.'
Fighting the truth
Jessie's mum lived in the Piddlehinton traveller community near Dorchester in Dorset when he was born and he spent his early years there until she got a house – though he still spent most of his time on the site at his grandfather's caravan.
'I loved it in many ways,' he remembers. 'I was the youngest of three brothers and there were loads of other children, so we always had people to play with – running around, climbing trees, fixing cars and eating our meals by the campfire.
'The site back then was spick and span, there were 12 pitches, and we all knew each other – there was a very community atmosphere. The kids could play out until all hours and I remember the grown-ups sitting outside drinking beer, with my grandfather whittling flowers out of old pieces of wood.
'We learnt life skills early on – I could drive by the age of 12.
'But in other ways it was hard. I was bullied once I left primary school and called 'gypo'. I realised then that I was different, that other families didn't live on caravan sites, and they ate their meals at a table, not round the fire. And I was dismissed by teachers, who thought it was barely worth teaching me as I'd leave and work in manual labour.'
And Jessie tried to fight the truth that he was gay.
He says: 'In the traveller world it's all about being macho and finding a girlfriend within the community at an early age. It's almost arranged, when I was 12 I was set up with a girl from our community and even then I had to talk to her father before I was allowed to date her.
'When they ended up leaving the site a year later I was so relieved as I didn't want to marry her – though I pretended to be devastated as that was expected of me.'
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Jessie left school at 16 with no qualifications, but he was determined to become a paramedic, after helping to care for his grandfather.
He did a public service course at a local college and then did an access course to get into university and complete a paramedic degree.
He says: 'It was almost unheard of to go to university – a lot of the community struggle to read or write – let alone get a degree.'
It was when he was 21 and met Andy through their hospital work that he finally came out to his family – telling his aunt who told his mum for him.
He says: 'It was a really difficult time, I felt rejected by so many people, the public hated gypsies and my own community was homophobic, they saw being gay as a mental illness.
'My mum started talking to me again after three months, but it was two years before she fully accepted Andy. She now lives with us and is so proud. When I graduated she bought a cake the size of a table in the shape of an ambulance!'
Jessie has worked his way up as a paramedic, he works for the NHS but also for private companies, both as a flight paramedic – where you supervise ill or injured people flying home from abroad – and at private events, he goes to the Chelsea Flower Show and Wimbledon for his job.
'I still find it amazing that I'd be the one that helped royalty if they got ill at one of those events,' says Jessie.
A closer look at gypsy traditions
HERE we take a look at some of the traditions many gypsies follow...
Family-Centric Living: The family is the cornerstone of Romani life, with extended families often living close to one another. Elders are highly respected and play a crucial role in decision-making and maintaining cultural traditions.
Nomadic Heritage: Many Gypsy communities maintain a semi-nomadic lifestyle, moving seasonally to find work or attend cultural gatherings. This tradition is deeply rooted in their history and identity.
Distinctive Décor: Romani homes, whether they are caravans or fixed abodes, are often brightly decorated with vibrant colours and intricate patterns. These decorations reflect their rich cultural heritage and love for beauty.
Communal Gatherings: Social gatherings are a significant part of Gypsy life. Celebrations, such as weddings and religious festivals, are grand affairs involving music, dance, and feasting, often stretching over several days.
Spiritual Practices: Many Gypsy families incorporate a blend of Christian beliefs and traditional spiritual practices. Homes may feature religious icons and amulets believed to offer protection and bring good fortune.
Craftsmanship and Artistry: Romani people are renowned for their craftsmanship, particularly in metalwork, woodwork, and textiles. These skills are often passed down through generations and are a source of both pride and livelihood.
Hospitality: Hospitality is a valued tradition. Guests are treated with great respect and generosity, often being offered the best food and drink available as a sign of honour and goodwill.
Sharing Stories: Storytelling is a vital part of Romani culture, preserving history, morals, and lessons through generations. Elders often share tales that are both entertaining and educational.
And he and Andy are settled in their marriage – they got married in a registry office, once more bucking the gypsy trend of having an enormous wedding with hundreds of guests – and then had a further celebration in Cyprus in September 2022 with only 60 guests.
Andy says: 'I've been to big weddings and funerals. My grandfather's funeral was huge, there were three or four lorry loads of flowers, including a huge flower arrangement of his dog and the gates to heaven.
"His coffin went in a horse and cart around the whole of Dorchester and hundreds of people came. It was wonderful but not the sort of occasion we wanted for our wedding.'
The icing on the cake of his new life was adopting his four children after a lengthy process.
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Jessie explains: 'We were desperate for a family and started the process when I was 29. It's a lengthy process and very intrusive but it was worth it.
'I adore my children and despite struggling with some aspects of the traveller life, I'm keen that they know all about their heritage. Traveller communities have a terrible reputation; people accuse them of all sorts from theft to fly tipping.
'But in my experience genuine traditional travellers have good family values and an amazing sense of community.
"I've bought a caravan and we go on trips every holiday and half term and I'll be taking them to the Appleby Fair – the highlight of the gypsy social calendar, where thousands of gypsies converge to trade horses and socialise.
'I'm a proud gypsy boy with a difference.'
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