logo
The Friday Poem: ‘ANNE BOLEYN' by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio

The Friday Poem: ‘ANNE BOLEYN' by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio

The Spinoff3 days ago
A new poem by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio.
ANNE BOLEYN
I had always wanted to be a person
Who said things like:
'I gotta get me some of that' or 'all hope has been dashed'
But instead, I was Anne Boleyn
Sweating through my guillotine
At the middle school Halloween dance
No one knew me
Or what I was
Not even my own history teacher
Who once let me eat sunflower seeds
From a locked drawer in her desk
I felt my entire life had been obvious:
My rented gown
My lentil colored wig
But when she asked who I was dressed as
I was crushed
Which is to say, beheaded
And having never had a husband
And having never been to England
I knew myself to be lonelier
Than the real Anne Boleyn
So I stood there– sad as an anchovy
Haunting the wall of the gym
Until my mom came
And in the parking lot
I took off my wig
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

The Friday Poem: ‘ANNE BOLEYN' by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio
The Friday Poem: ‘ANNE BOLEYN' by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio

The Spinoff

time3 days ago

  • The Spinoff

The Friday Poem: ‘ANNE BOLEYN' by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio

A new poem by Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio. ANNE BOLEYN I had always wanted to be a person Who said things like: 'I gotta get me some of that' or 'all hope has been dashed' But instead, I was Anne Boleyn Sweating through my guillotine At the middle school Halloween dance No one knew me Or what I was Not even my own history teacher Who once let me eat sunflower seeds From a locked drawer in her desk I felt my entire life had been obvious: My rented gown My lentil colored wig But when she asked who I was dressed as I was crushed Which is to say, beheaded And having never had a husband And having never been to England I knew myself to be lonelier Than the real Anne Boleyn So I stood there– sad as an anchovy Haunting the wall of the gym Until my mom came And in the parking lot I took off my wig

Book of the day: Not Quite Dead Yet by Holly Jackson
Book of the day: Not Quite Dead Yet by Holly Jackson

NZ Herald

time31-07-2025

  • NZ Herald

Book of the day: Not Quite Dead Yet by Holly Jackson

Holly Jackson: Preposterous but enjoyable tale. Images / Supplied Jet, the 27-year-old heroine of Not Quite Dead Yet, has a choice to make: she can die now, or die in a week. Someone attacks Jet when she returns to her family home on Halloween night. The way the blows land mean surgery has only a 10% chance of success. The alternative is an inevitable fatal aneurysm in seven days. 'What kind of choice was that?' the terminally flippant Jet asks herself. '[She] couldn't even decide what to have for breakfast most days.' Opting to forgo the operation and take the seven days, Jet is determined to solve her own murder. She wants to prove she can persevere with something to the end; that she wasn't 'born useless and would die that way, too', as her mother says about her when she gives up law school. That's the set-up for Holly Jackson's first adult novel. Her previous books have all been YA, with her first, the phenomenally successful A Good Girl's Guide to Murder, being followed by two popular sequels and turned into a BBC TV series. Jet moves out of the family home, escaping her mother's pleas to have the operation, and moves in with her childhood best friend, Billy. 'Poor sweet Billy' has always been in love with an oblivious Jet and agrees to help her find her killer. Driving around town in Jet's beloved powder-blue pick-up truck, their investigations lead them to suspect, among others, Jet's brother, Jet's brother's wife, employees of her father's construction company and the brother of a former boyfriend. The police, also investigating the 'murder', are always at least one step behind, and the sense of Jet and Billy being two young people against the world while the clock ticks down is nicely done. The grimness of the time bomb in Jet's brain is lightened by her ever-present smart-aleck humour: 'Smashing shit with sledgehammers, pissing [my brother] off, being an asshole because I'm dying and allowed to be, having guns waved in our faces. I'm having fun, aren't you?' Despite Jet's dire prognosis and much swearing, the novel feels more YA than adult. The grown-ups – and, tellingly, it feels accurate to characterise anyone but Jet and Billy as 'the grown-ups' – tend towards caricature. The book's setting of Woodstock, Vermont, was seemingly chosen for its proximity to the UK-based Jackson's American publishers and, despite the prevalence of pick-up trucks and rotting Halloween pumpkins on porches, is so lightly sketched it could be an anonymous town anywhere. Jet's major motivation for solving her own murder seems to be to show her family, especially her mother, that she can complete something hard, and this, too, feels more 17 than 27. But Not Quite Dead Yet is enjoyable. Jackson is not an astoundingly successful author for nothing. She can do pace, twists, snarky humour and pathos with the best of them. She makes you care about the prickly, wise-cracking Jet even as Jet's jokes get progressively more tired and self defeating: 'Come on, she was the one dying, they could at least pity-laugh.' The crime is genuinely perplexing and the efforts Jet and Billy make to solve it get riskier as the days count down, involving them in warehouse fires and precious time wasted in prison cells. Throughout there's the reliable fun of seeing these digital natives outwit the boomer cops with their technological know-how. The solution to the crime is, frankly, preposterous, but you'll be so caught up in Jet's race against time you probably won't mind much anyway. Not just for fans of A Good Girl's Guide to Murder. Not Quite Dead Yet, by Holly Jackson (Michael Joseph, $38), is out now.

My Secret Auckland: Comedian Itay Dom shares his favourite spots in the city
My Secret Auckland: Comedian Itay Dom shares his favourite spots in the city

NZ Herald

time17-05-2025

  • NZ Herald

My Secret Auckland: Comedian Itay Dom shares his favourite spots in the city

Brunch is very important. You want to go somewhere public enough to show off your girlfriend, but not too public that your wife finds out. That's why I recommend Bestie on K Rd. I've never actually been but I met the owner at a Halloween party many years ago and she was nice. If you go there and drop my name at the counter they'll give you 90% off! View this post on Instagram A post shared by Bestie Cafe (@bestie_cafe) Favourite restaurant for dinner with friends? If you know me then you know I swear by Amano. Everytime I walk past it I think to myself 'f**k, this place is expensive'. I love going there though, I take all my dates there. I mean most of my dates. Okay, I took one date there. She worked in finance, which was good because she could help me take out a loan to pay off the bill. Favourite place to take a visitor to? Auckland Airport. Go to the international terminal if you want to see emotional goodbyes. Go to the domestic terminal if you want to see lukewarm hellos. Or take them to the Jetstar terminal if you didn't get a chance to take them to Spookers. And don't forget to stop by the gift shop - they have a carousel with free suitcases. Just pick one up and go your merry way! Favourite spot to finish a night out? Duck Island. I love Duck Island with a capital D. I take all my dates there. I don't think I've ever not taken a girl there. I have an intricate knowledge of all the flavours - I know when they came out, what they taste like, and their entire backstory. But when I'm on a date, I have to pretend it's my first time. I'll be like, 'White chocolate miso? Huh, I wonder what that tastes like...' Meanwhile, deep down, I already know it's life-changing. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Duck Island Ice Cream (@duckislandicecream) Favourite place to get coffee? Red Rabbit Coffee inside Newmarket Westfield. I go there once a week, not because I like coffee but because I am slowly building up the courage to ask out the barista with the fringe. They have a wide variety of coffee beans (two). The owner always asks me which one I want, and I say, 'Surprise me', and we laugh. But the real shock comes when the price pops up on the screen. Regardless, I love the vibe - sipping hot coffee, listening to mall announcements, and watching a ram-raid. Favourite fish-and-chip shop? I haven't had fish & chips since Jacinda was in office, but I'd go to Penny's in Parnell. Favourite trail for a hike? 136 Fanshawe St, where I work. You have to climb, like, a bajillion stairs to get to the office. Favourite venue for a gig? Advertisement Advertise with NZME. I love performing at The Classic Comedy Club because I like my crowds difficult. It's the little things about this ex-porn cinema that make me love it. The wobbly stage. The owner, Scott, always makes me laugh (and question my life choices). The bitter old comics. The bitter new comics. The little tech booth where you can see Finn losing his mind when you go 10 seconds over time. Sharing a laugh with Cam, the bartender, every time he tries charging me full price. The front-of-house girl who reads a book a day and never seems to do any work. The managers, Zeb and Harry, who always let me jump on stage at midnight and act like they're doing me a favour. I love it all. If you go there and drop my name at the counter, they'll give you 90% off! To top it off I'm doing my Comedy Festival show there, come check it out. Favourite place to find a bargain? Bar 101 at 2am. $3 drinks. $5 regret. IYKYK. View this post on Instagram A post shared by BATS Theatre (@bats_theatre)

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store