My mum murdered my dad – he's not a monster but I fought to free her and forgive her for brutal killing

The Irish Sun

4 days ago

A MAN who fought to free his mum from jail after she murdered his dad has spoken out about how he forgave her for the brutal killing.
David Challen, 38, campaigned relentlessly to free his mum Sally from prison in 2019, nine years after she killed his dad Richard - her husband - with a hammer.
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David Challen, 38, has spoken out about his family's ordeal
Credit: PA:Press Association
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Sally Challen murdered her husband Richard - David's dad - in August 2010 by bludgeoning him with a hammer
Credit: Collect
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David said he eventually forgave his mum and fought for her eventual release from prison in 2019
Credit: Dan Charity - The Sun
Despite Sally having suffered decades of coercive control by her husband, David says Richard was "not a monster", adding that he was "deeply complex".
In August 2010,
Sally was eventually convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison, before her murder conviction was quashed and she was released from jail in 2019.
Now, ahead of the release of a new book David has written on his family's ordeal, the 38-year-old has recalled his battle to free his mum.
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Speaking to The Sunday Times, David said reading about the
He explained: "It highlighted the normality of these men in our society.
"My dad was not a monster. He was deeply complex.
"If society labels them monsters, it's washing its hands of how they are created."
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After Sally was jailed, David began to unearth chilling details about how his dad had subjected Sally to decades of domestic abuse - keeping it hidden from him and his brother James.
They discovered how their mum had been dragged down stairs, been raped by Richard on a family holiday to Los Angeles, and had attempted suicide at age 21.
My wife threatened me with a knife & beat me with bottles
Sally had been subject to coercive control - a pattern of abuse where someone is made to feel dependent, isolated, or scared.
She was even forced to hand over her salary throughout her painful ordeal.
These discoveries prompted David to begin years of ardent campaigning, eventually leading to an appeal which reduced her conviction to manslaughter.
Helped by a law passed in 2015 which recognised psychological manipulation as a form of domestic abuse, Sally walked free from HMP Send, Surrey, in 2019.
The landmark case saw Sally's murder conviction quashed due to new psychiatric evidence, with her final sentencing acknowledging the impact that years of controlling abuse had on her.
As a result, roughly three thousands murder convictions are being reassessed by the Criminal Cases
Review
Commission to factor in examples of coercive control - with at least five cases having been reopened.
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David fought relentlessly for years to appeal Sally's murder conviction
Credit: PA:Press Association
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Richard had subjected Sally to coercive control for decades
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Sally's conviction was eventually quashed in 2019, following an appeal
Credit: PA:Press Association
In his new book, The Unthinkable: A Story of Control, Violence and My Mother, due to be released on Thursday, David showcases his struggle to come to terms with his father's abuse, and how it's affecting his life even now.
David also highlights how more needs to be done to protect victims of coercive control.
Speaking on the BBC show Sunday with
Domestic abuse - how to get help
DOMESTIC abuse can affect anyone - including men - and does not always involve physical violence.
Here are some signs that you could be in an abusive relationship:
Emotional abuse
- Including being belittled, blamed for the abuse - gaslighting - being isolated from family and friends, having no control over your finances, what you where and who you speak to
Threats and intimidation
- Some partners might threaten to kill or hurt you, destroy your belongings, stalk or harass you
Physical abuse
- This can range from slapping or hitting to being shoved over, choked or bitten.
Sexual abuse
- Being touched in a way you do not want to be touched, hurt during sex, pressured into sex or forced to have sex when you do not consent.
If any of the above apply to you or a friend, you can call these numbers:
on
0808 2000 247
for free at any time, day or night
Men who are being abused can call Respect Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 or
on
0182 3334 244
Those who identify as LGBT+ can ring
on
0800 999 5428
If you are in immediate danger or fear for your life, always ring 999
Remember, you are not alone.
1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic abuse over the course of their lifetime.
Every 30 seconds the police receive a call for help relating to domestic abuse.
He said: "She'd done the worst act anyone possibly could do. [She] took away my father."
Following the change in the law regarding coercive control, David, now a domestic abuse campaigner, said he finally had a way to describe the "insidious nature" of his dad.
David added that not having a name for the abuse had "robbed us of our right to have an ability to protect ourselves."
He explained that he had to dig up his past in order to "find the child" he had left behind.
David continued: "But I knew I was born into this world with a gut feeling that [there was] something inherently bad about my father, and I never knew why.
"I normalised the coercion and control in my home, this life of servitude that my mother lived under... sexual violence was routine."
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Richard and Sally had married in 1979
Credit: Courtesy of the Challen Family
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Sally with her two sons, James and David, on her first day home after her release
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Richard with the couple's two sons
Credit: Courtesy of the Challen Family