I'm taking drastic measures to restore my virginity after God gave me an eight-word message
Holly Jane, 42, was exposed in 2022 for operating a lucrative OnlyFans account that kept her and her three children afloat after her husband died in 2017.
After being expelled from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Oregon for breaking its rules on pornography and 'immoral' content, she felt cut off from her faith and community.
Since then, Jane and her children have moved to Texas, where she said she's grown stronger in faith.
Shortly after the move, she experienced what she called a 'divine directive' in which she felt God speak to her, 'You are not broken. Go and be restored.'
'I had already made peace with God about my job and what I've had to do to put food on the table after my husband died,' she said. 'This felt like the final layer of that healing.'
A hymenoplasty is a surgical procedure where a doctor reconstructs the hymen, often torn during first intercourse, by stitching remaining tissue to form a thin membrane.
Jane maintains that the decision to undergo the outpatient surgery is not meant to appease her church or potential suitors, but she is now 'treating [her]self with reverence.'
Jane hopes to be accepted into the Mormon church where she lives in Texas now. She said that despite being severed from her church community for years, she still feels attuned to her faith
Hymenoplasty is most prevalent in conservative communities where cultural or religious norms place a high value on proof of virginity before marriage.
Within about 60 minutes, a doctor can stitch the remaining hymenal tissue back together with dissolvable sutures.
The 'sacred rebirth', as Jane calls it, costs about $3,000 without insurance, which does not cover such a procedure.
Jane and her husband, Stephen, were devout Mormons and had been raising their three children, now 22, 16, and 12, in the Mormon church.
When Stephen died unexpectedly at 31, Jane needed a way to support her family.
She began taking risqué snaps of herself in lingerie or swimwear on the subscriber site, all while keeping it a secret from her family, friends, and church members.
She spent years living a 'double life' as OnlyFans' 'Mormon Mistress', making tens of thousands of dollars a month in the process.
After a fellow churchgoer alerted the bishop to her side hustle, Jane was shunned.
After a fellow churchgoer alerted the bishop to her side hustle, Jane was shunned from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Oregon
'That warm feeling I had for the people in that church, the connection I thought we shared – it turned out to be one-sided. I cared more than they did,' she previously told this site.
'I moved and cut ties with them all, and no one ever called or reached out... I've experienced a lot of loss.'
She and her children moved to Texas, where Jane continued posting.
While she felt judged and betrayed by her community, Jane kept her faith alive.
The divine voice telling her to undergo the hymen restoring procedure, she said, 'gave me everything I needed.'
She added that, without a doubt, Stephen would have been supportive of her decision.
'I am not trying to erase him or what we had together,' she said. 'On the contrary, I believe that by doing something to strengthen the faith we both shared, we are brought closer together – even though he is no longer with us.'
Her decision was not borne out of shame, she added, though she previously told DailyMail.com that she believes women in the LDS church are conditioned to feel ashamed of their sexuality.
'The church says purity can be lost – but I believe purity is claimed,' she said. 'It's not about your body, it's about your soul.'
Despite not agreeing with all of the Mormon views, Jane still practices the religion and is trying to be accepted into the church in her new town.
'I felt like there was an emptiness since I stopped attending [church]. But I'll never stop [my OnlyFans career],' she told this site.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Independent
3 hours ago
- The Independent
PHOTO COLLECTION: AP Top Photos of the Day, Monday, July 21, 2025
News PHOTO COLLECTION: AP Top Photos of the Day, Monday, July 21, 2025 Show all 12
The Independent
4 hours ago
- The Independent
Missing loved ones leave those left behind with 'ambiguous loss' — a form of frozen grief
Rachel Ganz's husband might be alive. But he might not be. More than three months after he was last seen near the Eleven Point River in Missouri amid severe flooding and evacuation orders, Jon Ganz is just ... missing. That leaves Rachel, 45, in a limbo of sorrow and frustration, awakening 'every morning to a reality I don't want to exist in.' She dwells there in a liminal state, she wrote by email July 11, with a stream of questions running through her head: 'Is he trapped by debris in the river? Is he in a tangled mass of debris on the riverbank? Did he wander off into the forested area instead?' And one that remains stubbornly unanswered: 'Are they ever going to find him?' 'Obviously I want my husband returned alive,' she wrote to The Associated Press, 'though I am envious of those who have death certificates.' It's called 'ambiguous loss' Like the families of the missing after the July 4 Texas floods experienced for much of this month, Ganz is suffering from what grief experts call ambiguous loss: the agony of living in the absence of a loved one whose fate is uncertain. Humans across borders, cultures and time unfortunately know it well. Ambiguous loss can be intimate, like Ganz' experience, or global, as in the cases of the missing from the Sept. 11 attacks, tsunamis in the Indian Ocean and Japan, the Turkey-Syria earthquake, the Israel- Hamas war and the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The distinguishing feature, according to Pauline Boss, the researcher who coined the term in the 1970s, is the absence of ritual — a wake, a funeral, throwing dirt on a grave — to help the families left behind accept the loss. The only way forward, experts say, is learning to live with the uncertainty — a concept not well-tolerated in Western cultures. 'We're in a state of mind, a state of the nation, right now where you either win or you lose, it's either black or its white,' said Boss, a professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota who has researched ambiguous loss globally over a half century. 'You have to let go of the binary to get past it, and some never do. They are frozen. They are stuck.' Sarah Wayland, a social work professor from Central Queensland University in Sydney, says ambiguous loss is different from mourning because it's about 'repetitive trauma exposure,' from the 24-hour news cycle and social media. Then there is a devastating quiet that descends on the people left behind when interest has moved on to something else. 'They might be living in this space of dreading but also hoping at the same time," Wayland said. "And they are experiencing this loss both publicly and privately.' The uncertainty is like 'a knife constantly making new cuts' Heavy rains drove a wall of water through Texas Hill Country in the middle of the night July 4 , killing at least 132 people and leaving nearly 200 missing as of last week, though that number has dwindled as this week begins. Over just two hours, the Guadalupe River at Comfort, Texas, rose from hip-height to three stories tall, sending water weighing as much as the Empire State building downstream roughly every minute it remained at its crest. Those without bodies to bury have been frozen in a specific state of numbness and horror — and uncertainty. 'It's beyond human imagination to believe that a loved one is dead,' Boss says. This feeling can come in any global circumstance. Lidiia Rudenko, 39, represents a group of families in Ukraine whose relatives are missing in action. Her husband, Sergey, 41, has been missing since June 24, 2024, when his marine brigade battled the Russian army near Krynky. He's one of tens of thousands of Ukrainians missing since the Russian invasion in 2022. And she is one of thousands in Ukraine left behind. 'Some people fall into grief and can no longer do anything, neither act nor think, while others start to act as quickly as possible and take the situation into their own hands, as I did,' Rudenko said. 'There are days when you can't get out of bed,' she said. 'Sometimes we call it 'getting sick. And we allow ourselves to get sick a little, cry it out, live through it, and fight again.' For nearly a decade, Leah Goldin was part of a very small number of people in Israel with the dubious distinction of being the family of of a hostage. Her son, Hadar Goldin, 23, a second lieutenant in the Israeli army, was killed, then his body taken on August 1, 2014. A blood-soaked shirt, prayer fringes and other evidence found in the tunnel where Goldin's body had been held led the Israeli army to determine he'd been killed, she said. His body has never been returned. Her family's journey didn't dovetail with the regular oscillations of grief. They held what Leah Goldin now calls a 'pseudo-funeral' including Goldin's shirt and fringes, at the urging of Israel's military rabbis. But the lingering uncertainty was like a 'knife constantly making new cuts.". In the dizzying days after Hamas' attack on southern Israel on Oct. 7, 2023, the Goldin family threw themselves into attempting to help hundreds of families of the 251 people Hamas had dragged into Gaza. But for a time, the Goldins found themselves shunned as advocacy for the Oct. 7 hostages surged. 'We were a symbol of failure,' Leah Goldin said. 'People said, 'We aren't like you. Our kids will come back soon.'' She understood their fear, but Goldin, who had spent a decade pushing for Hamas to release her son's body, was devastated by the implication. In time, the hostage families brought her more into the fold, learning from her experience. Hamas still holds 50 Israeli hostages, fewer than half of whom are believed to be alive. In Gaza, Israel's offensive has killed nearly 59,000 Palestinians, more than half of them women and children, according to Gaza's Health Ministry, which doesn't say how many militants have been killed but says over half of the dead have been women and children. Thousands of the dead are believed to be buried under rubble throughout the enclave. How to support families of the missing — and what's not helpful Ganz, whose husband went missing in Missouri in April, said the sheriff's department and others searched far and wide at first. She posted fliers around the town where his car was found, and on social media. Then someone accused her of 'grieving without proof," a remark that still makes her fume. 'One of my biggest frustrations has been people stating, 'If you need anything, please let me know,'' Ganz said. That puts the burden on her, and follow-through has been hard to come by, she said. 'We already have enough ambiguity." She's thinking about setting up a nonprofit organization in Jon's honor, dedicated to breaking the stigma against men getting therapy, to show 'that it's not weak.' That tracks with Goldin's thinking that taking action can help resolve loss — and with Rudenko's experience in Ukraine. Boss recommends separate community meetings for families of the confirmed dead and those of the missing. For the latter, a specific acknowledgement is helpful: 'You have to first say to the people, 'What you are experiencing is an ambiguous loss. It's one of the most difficult kinds of losses there is because there's no resolution. It's not your fault,'' Boss said. In Ukraine, Rudenko said it helps to recognize that families of the missing and everyone else live in 'two different worlds.' 'Sometimes we don't need words, because people who have not been affected by ambiguous loss will never find the right words,' she said. 'Sometimes we just need to be hugged and left in silence.'
Daily Mail
5 hours ago
- Daily Mail
BREAKING NEWS Alaska Airlines requests ground stop for all its mainline aircrafts
Alaska Airlines has requested a ground stop for all mainline aircraft across the United States. The US Federal Aviation Administration updated its status page on Sunday with the extraordinary request. The reason for the request was not immediately clear. Alaska Airlines and the FAA did not immediately respond to Reuters requests for comment outside regular business hours. The FAA status page showed all destinations being impacted by the ground stop of Alaska's mainline aircraft. It comes weeks after a damning report revealed that major errors by Boeing led to a door plug flying off an Alaska Airlines 737 Max mid flight, putting the lives of 175 passengers and crew at risk. The National Transportation Safety Board said a flawed manufacturing process within Boeing and insufficient regulatory oversight caused the near catastrophic disaster. 'An accident like this only happens when there are multiple system failures,' NTSB chairman Jennifer Homendy said. The NTSB has been investigating what went so wrong just six minutes into the January 2024 flight from Portland, Oregon, to Ontario, California. The initial probe found four key bolts that were meant to hold the door plug in place were were missing from the aircraft. It has since been established the door left Boeing's factory in Renton, Washington without those crucial bolts. Just one of those bolts, if properly secured, would have held the door panel in place, and the other three were supposed to be used as an additional safety mechanism. No fault was found with Alaska Airlines crew qualifications or preflight inspections. The heroic actions of the crew of Alaska Airlines flight 1282 ensured everyone survived, Homendy found.
