An Age-by-Age Guide on Explaining Memorial Day's True Meaning to Kids
Many kids simply view Memorial Day as a day off from school, when they get to sleep in and maybe go to the pool or beach.
However, it's important for even the youngest citizens to understand the reason we observe the holiday—according to Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind in New York. 'Skipping the meaning entirely makes it easy for the day to become just about fun and not about reflection,' she explains to Parents.
Though the day involves subject matter that may feel heavy for little kids, experts say it's never too early to lightly touch on the topic. However, the manner you address it and the details you share will depend largely on the age of the child, notes Tori Sacha Cordiano, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Ohio.
From preschool to high school, here's how to explain the real reason behind Memorial Day to kids.
If you have yet to discuss the significance behind Memorial Day and why we observe it as a national holiday, it's natural for your child to have questions.
Dr. Cordiano recommends kicking off a conversation by asking them a few basic questions to feel out what they may already be aware of. She suggests starting with questions like, "What do you know about Memorial Day?' And, 'Are you doing anything in school to focus on Memorial Day?"
After gauging what your child already knows about the holiday, parents should use age-appropriate details and clear language to begin to explaining the reason behind it. In general, Dr. Hafeez says that preschoolers and young school-aged kids can go without learning everything right away. 'They can learn it's a day to remember people who helped protect our country,' she explains. 'As they grow, they can handle more about the history and the sacrifices involved.'
Parents should avoid going into graphic detail about the reason behind the day when talking to preschoolers, according to Dr. Hafeez. Keeping things top level is good enough—and there's no need to mention words like 'death.'
'The younger the child, the more basic the explanation,' Dr. Cordiano underscores. 'Preschool-aged children are familiar with the idea of 'adults who keep our country safe,' so you can start there.'
Instead, focus the conversation around topics like being brave, feeling safe, and expressing gratitude, says Dr. Hafeez.
Once kids are a bit older, they might be ready to dive deeper into the true meaning of Memorial Day. It helps if the topic has been introduced at school, or they have visited any national memorials. 'You can use their experiences to help them understand the holiday,' advises Dr. Cordiano.
School-aged kids typically have an easier time understanding that the holiday that marks the beginning of summer is actually about veterans who made the ultimate sacrifice, adds Dr. Hafeez. A good way to help kids connect to the concept is by attending community events that honor service members.
Middle and high schoolers will likely already be familiar with some aspects of Memorial Day, so it's OK share more details.
'Teenagers can handle honest conversations about war, loss, and the emotional weight of Memorial Day,' assures Dr. Hafeez. She advises parents to discuss ethics and explore personal stories of real service members.
'At this age, they're ready to reflect on what it means to live in a free country and how that freedom comes with a cost,' Dr. Hafeez says.
Ultimately, giving kids of any age context to the day filled with parades, cookouts, and water fun is a character-enhancing exercise. Here's why discussing Memorial Day is important, according to Dr. Hafeez:
Helps kids build respect for others
Strengthens their connection to community members
Helps them understand the importance of service
Provides a sense of patriotism
Any discussion of death can be upsetting to children, and according to experts, letting little ones know it's OK to feel a range of emotions is key.
And if you start talking about Memorial Day and your child shows signs of being afraid or upset, it's fine to stop and revisit the discussion later, according to Dr. Cordiano. 'As with any topic, let your child's reaction be your guide on how to proceed with the conversation,' she advises. And if your child shows signs of distress, don't forget to check in with them later.
In the meantime, Dr. Hafeez says parents should reassure kids they are safe and it's normal to feel sad about such serious topics.When discussing Memorial Day with children that have emotional or learning challenges, make sure you use extra caution. 'It will be even more important to consider their level of development and any mood or anxiety challenges that may impact the way they process the information,' says Dr. Cordiano. 'Usually, this means going slower, providing fewer details at first, and checking in more often to see if they have any questions about what you've shared.'No matter how old your child is, and what information you offer about Memorial Day, engaging in activities that honor those who gave their lives for our country can help bond your family and contextualize their understanding of why we celebrate.
A few ideas include:
Visiting monuments
Reading books about service members
Watching age-appropriate movies or documentaries
Drawing pictures
Placing flowers or flags at memorials
Writing thank you letters to local veterans or fallen soldiers' families
Volunteering
Attending a local parade
Doing a small research project on a service member
'These activities help kids feel involved and give the day deeper meaning beyond a day off,' says Dr. Hafeez. And, as parents, we will likely learn something too!
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