Does money seem to be the hardest word? Here's how to handle talking about it

Metro

a day ago

When it comes to personal conversations, money is still one of the hardest topics to discuss with friends, partners and family.
A new study from savings app Plum puts financial questions such as 'What is your salary?' and 'How much do you have in savings?' at the top of a list of most awkward questions to ask, while money topics such as debt and credit ratings take up four of the top 10 spots in 'conversation topics to avoid' – along with President Trump and Brexit.
But while most of us steer clear of chatting about our finances, research from the Money and Pensions Service shows that those who can broach the subject end up better off.
Money talkers make less risky decisions and feel less stressed, the study shows.
'Building money conversations into our everyday lives helps us to build financial confidence and resilience,' says Becky O'Connor, director of public affairs at PensionBee.
So how can we have these money conversations profitably and securely? We asked the money experts for their top tips for various scenarios.
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We've all been there. A lovely meal out with friends can leave a nasty taste in the mouth when it comes to sharing the bill.
Sometimes the most difficult conversations about money can be the smallest ones, says financial adviser Rebecca Penny, who runs Planit Financial.
That includes conversations over splitting the bill over dinner if you have only had the starter and everyone else has splashed out on steak and lobster. Many of us stay silent as the bill arrives.
The solution: tackle it one-on-one, says Rebecca, who believes a 'quiet word in the ear of the person organising the meal in advance can work wonders.
If you really feel you can't have the conversation, she also suggests a non-talking strategy – just slipping to the bathroom close to the end of the meal and settling your part of the bill directly with the restaurant staff on the way back.
Financial situations can make or break a relationship, whether at an early stage or later on, before you move in together. But sitting down to discuss salary, existing debts and your attitude towards spending and saving can seem excruciating, not to mention a bit of a passion killer.
Money coach Lesley Thomas, who runs the Money Confidence Academy, says that it is natural to feel awkward about having this conversation.
'It can feel invasive or trigger shame or comparison,' she says.
She adds that it's not a conversation to have on the first date, but also cautions those in new relationships not to wait too long.
'Timing matters,' she says. 'Wait until trust is being built, but don't wait too long, especially if the relationship is getting serious.'
The solution: Get the tone right and use curiosity as a tool, says Lesley. 'Don't treat it like a test, treat it like shared data. You're not just asking, you're aligning values. Use curiosity, not interrogation.'
Lesley also advises sharing your own situation first. 'I've got a student loan and a credit card I'm paying off slowly. How about you?' might be a fair opening gambit, she believes.
If one of you is in financial difficulty, or times are tight, it can be hard to broach the subject even if you've been together for years. It's easy for it to lead to recriminations or regret and can make the problem worse, not better, if not well-tackled.
'You have every right to be upset but try not to let it derail your efforts to find a solution together,' says Sarah Coles, personal finance expert at DIY investment group Hargreaves Lansdown. 'There's nothing to be gained from a shouting match.'
The solution: Find the right time. 'You can't rush some of these sensitive conversations, so find a time that works for you both,' says Sarah. She also suggests that running through the conversation in your head first can help with preparation.
'Consider how to introduce the subject thoughtfully and think about how they might feel and respond. Don't let this be an excuse for putting it off, but it can help to have plotted a way through the more difficult aspects of the conversation.'
Above all, though, tell the whole truth, so that you don't have to have the conversation again with more resentment on both sides later.
'This is not the time to fudge the truth or hold things back,' she says. 'If it all emerges over time, they'll feel you weren't being honest, and it makes it much harder to help if they only have half the truth. It's not going to be pleasant but rip that plaster off.'
Being on the same page with a potential flatmate is important early on, otherwise you'll be in for an awkward time with unpaid bills, empty fridges and a potentially trashed credit score.
But if you're dealing with an acquaintance or someone you barely know, sorting out the ground rules can feel like a minefield.
The solution: Polly Arrowsmith, accountant and cost of living specialist, suggests having this conversation when you sign the lease agreement, rather than waiting until it all goes wrong.
'While it may seem overkill, it is helpful to write down your agreements and sign and date them.
'Do this when everyone feels good about the flat share, and refer back to it if a disagreement happens,' she says.
If someone is not paying their share, she suggests addressing it calmly. 'Talk with heart, and not anger. Listen to them,' she says.
Conversations about money with ageing parents can also be a flashpoint, as there's not only care costs and inheritance to consider, but also who will manage their money if they cannot.
Conversations at these ages might cover things like setting up a lasting power of attorney (LPA), both for finances and healthcare, to cover incapacity, as well as tricky discussions around wills, legacies and tax.
Alex Gaita, financial planning director at Schroders Personal Wealth, says getting financial affairs in order in this way is 'something many of us put off'. 'It can be quite a difficult topic,' he says. More Trending
The Solution: Shift to the positive. Focusing on the money negatives as families get older makes conversations hard to have.
Alex says that when he shifts the conversation to differences that older people can make with their money in the future years, the talk lightens and families can get excited.
'When I speak to clients about how their money could help the next generation – from their children, even to their great-grandchildren's future – the conversation shifts.
'They start to think not just about what they've built, but about the legacy they want to leave.'
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