The Lake District hotel launching a luxury yacht on Windermere
This is the home of Swallows and Amazons, the book and two film adaptations of 1920s childhood reverie. One of the movies was filmed primarily on this lake, and the crew stayed at the Grade II-listed Langdale Chase, long before it got a ruinously expensive glow-up and became the AA Rosette dining destination and lavish 30-bedroom hotel it is today.
As a child of the London suburbs, I can't imagine how fabulous growing up here would have been, but as a middle-aged man, I relished my day on the water drinking Buck's fizz, eating venison tartare canapés and listening to stories from Rob, skipper of the 1928 Albatros, who had a previous career as a police diver.
I'm not big on twee tales from a century ago of outdoorsy brats with quirky nicknames, but talk to me about Line of Duty and my dopamine fires. As we glided past bushy little islands, I grilled Rob about dives for samurai swords involved in notorious murders. When he told me Kate Bush stayed at Langdale Chase last year, it was the icing on the cake.
Back at the hotel, a Swallows and Amazons afternoon tea is served. To me, afternoon tea is the most pointless non-meal imaginable. You're never really hungry for it and it further spoils your appetite for dinner. But, if you skip breakfast, there's a lot to enjoy with this version of it.
Yes, there are the predictable finger sandwiches and scones (not the revelation the staff will lead you to believe), but there's fabulous breaded and fried ham hock, potted shrimps on buttery crumpet, a lobster roll, spiced cake and a yummy rice pudding tart surrounded by crunchy sweet tuile, giving clever textural juxtaposition, with a swallow motif on top. You can sit in the dining room all afternoon looking out over Thomas Henry Mawson's 1890s gardens through an antique telescope. Also impressive: the tea used is grown and picked in Cornwall, which I never knew existed.
Langdale Chase was originally a Victorian mega-mansion for the widow of a Mancunian industrialist who lived here in splendour with her grief and 17 servants. While the good bones of the place are visible (the ornate hand-carved wooden staircase and stained glass in the main hall create an instant 'wow'), the design today feels fresh as well as respectful. It's glamorous, with pop graphic paintings by Alice P in Perspex cases brightening up the hallways, as well as constantly blazing open fires.
Much of the classic floral wallpaper is actually woven printed fabric, some of the wooden Tudor panelling is older than the building itself, and a careful reconfiguration of rooms has given every table in the dining room a lake view. I could sit in the ornately panelled bar and stare out at the clouds drifting over the fells for hours, although I could do without a lounge muzak version of Staying Alive, while a Manhattan served without a cherry is a crime.
Marks off there, but straight back on again for the omnipresent hounds to cuddle. This is a dog-friendly hotel, with ever-ready cushions and water bowls. This is also a hotel where the staff have been encouraged to engage with you. Everyone seems to be having as good a time as you are.
The two high points at Langdale Chase are the interiors and food. There's a burger and salad-led lounge menu that is a welcome alternative to the main restaurant, which can feel overwhelming after a couple of meals.
There's no degustation in the main restaurant, but it's still definitely for special occasions: start with oysters or caviar, move on to scallops or a poshed-up prawn cocktail, charred in-season asparagus with seaweed butter and a crisped egg, then halibut, lamb, a much laboured-over version of cauliflower cheese, or a fillet steak you simply can't fault, served with onion rings and those potato pave chips made from compressed slithers of spud that elevate carbs to heights my Irish forefathers could never have imagined possible.
Breakfast is served in the same dining space, with a continental spread, a Benedict, an avocado and poached egg dish with sriracha hollandaise, pancakes, waffles and smoked kippers.
There's talk of a spa next year. For now, there's a cinema next to the wine cellar for rainy days, with a fridge full of ice cream and bags of Haribo (and they'll ferry drinks down to you from the bar). Or you could just sit in one of the grand rooms downstairs with a copy of Swallows and Amazons and a pot of tea. Maybe instead a gruesome true crime book and a few glasses of claret.
Doubles from £315, including breakfast. There are two adapted rooms. Ambleside Road, Ecclerigg, Windermere LA23 1LW (015394 32201)
Mark C O'Flaherty travelled as a guest of Avanti West Coast, which runs regular direct services between Euston and Oxenholme from £35 each way.

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