The happy family formula — how a parenting coach could help you

Times

24-07-2025

Parenting is one of the most important and consequential tasks a person can do, and yet none of us is given parenting lessons. This might be why the whole thing, from changing nappies to wrangling recalcitrant teenagers, can feel so terrifying and lonely, and that's where a parenting coach comes in. These highly trained professionals don't just offer advice, they also help to build confidence — because, as one of the most famous parenting coaches, Connie Simpson, explains: 'The biggest mistake parents make is not believing in themselves.'
'Parenting is an act of relationship building,' says the award-winning parenting coach Anita Cleare (MA AdvDip). 'I try to break it down to the really simple things that make a difference to both parents and children — things like, 'How do I connect with my child when I'm tired at the end of the day?'' With nearly two decades of experience working with parents, Cleare knows a thing or two about parenting. Her speciality is supporting working parents. After working in a local authority children's services for nine years — while also being a single parent to her own two children — Cleare saw first-hand the difficulty parents face when they attempt to juggle a career with being the world's best parent. So, 13 years ago, she set out to become a solution — it was then that the Positive Parenting Project, her parent coaching business, was born. The luxury of a parenting coach is not only reassurance that you are probably not doing as badly as you think you are, but also a second opinion (and a qualified one at that). A degree in developmental psychology (child development) and a Triple P parenting accreditation means Cleare is well qualified to help.
Based in Windsor, the parenting coach (who has shared her wisdom on the comedian Katherine Ryan's reality show, At Home with Katherine Ryan) offers one-to-ones — whether they be home visits, Zoom calls or within the workplace. It could be a one-session fix or a regular occurrence. There is no ideal number of sessions — she works case by case. She is also often employed by companies to do webinars or parenting sessions that allow employees to book time with her to discuss any parenting concerns they are having. 'There's a lot of working parent guilt,' Cleare explains, but 'being a parent is hard and there's no ideal way to do this'. What Cleare does is to 'try and translate what we know from evidence about children to help parents understand their children, so that they can focus on what matters — and what matters is relationship'.
Parenting tip
When returning from a long, gruelling day in the office, an easy hack to put away the work worries and reconnect with your child 'is before you even either pick your child up or come home to stop for a minute and just think about your child and imagine their face', or think of a memory with them, or even what they smell like. This flicks the switch — turning off work mode and turning on parent mode.
Anita Cleare's prices vary. For parents, an initial 60-minute Zoom session costs £175. A home visit starts at £350 plus travel fees. Fees for corporate clients are available on request. She has published two books: How to Get Your Teenager out of Their Bedroom and The Working Parent's Survival Guide
Having started her career in journalism — spending over a decade as the editor-in-chief and contributing editor of Parents magazine — Ann Pleshette Murphy changed direction. She has subsequently written parenting books, been the parenting correspondent for Good Morning America and chaired the board of the Greyston Foundation (which at that time provided housing, social services and childcare for formerly homeless families). She also completed a master's degree in psychology/child development, which ultimately led to her becoming a therapist — specialising in parents.
Murphy has a private practice in London where she works with couples, individuals and families. 'I don't have a rigid method,' she says. 'I would say I have an eclectic toolbox.' This can include an increasingly popular practice — co-therapy — which involves working with two therapists of differing specialities to blend their individual strengths into a personalised solution for the parents. Murphy's style often focuses on the parents' relationship, as she says the most common issues she deals with occur when '[as parents] we don't feel aligned — and that can be over any number of things. It can be about discipline. It can be about how much time we spend with our respective families or in-laws. It can be about our sex life … What your kids need more than anything is for you to nurture your relationship.'
While Murphy works with a lot of high-powered parents, she also works with stay-at-home parents, soon-to-be parents and everything in between. Whether her clients need a one-off session or a twice-a-week crisis prevention system, Murphy adapts her methods to the specific problem at hand. 'My job is to help [parents] try to figure out what has caused them to get stuck in a pattern and to see how they can change their own behaviour' — to improve both their life and their child's.
Parenting tip
What we all know but refuse to accept is the need to reduce screen time — for life in general and specifically around the kids. But the reason why might make your ears prick up. 'We know from research … that children learn much better and read much faster by being put in your lap and read to that way' rather than with a screen, she says. 'The feeling of comfort and love affects your wiring — it's a completely different emotional experience and let's just say it produces a different set of hormones, if you're being held by somebody who's reading.' She adds: 'That kind of serve and return that we do with babies when we're looking at them and the baby is gurgling at Mummy … is unbelievably important for brain development.' Funnily enough, that happens far less when the parent or child's eyes are glued to the screen.
Ann Pleshette Murphy's fees vary, and her sessions (for individuals or couples) range from 1 hour to 90 minutes and can be in-person or over video call. Her private practice is in St John's Wood, London. She has published two books, The Seven Stages of Motherhood and The Secret of Play
What does 25 years as a deputy head teacher make you? Brave, yes. Stressed, perhaps. But also, an excellent parenting coach. Atkins, who is now the parenting expert for ITV's This Morning, always loved teaching children but when she pondered her future, she thought, 'Do I want to teach the Vikings for another 20 years?' So when it came to deciding on her next career — shaped by her experiences dealing with the pastoral care of the kids in her school — she decided she wanted to help build children's self-esteem. And the best way to do that? Help the parents. '[Parents are] the first people to give their children that confidence, that resilience, that ability to bounce back, that ability to think they're good enough. And that means that as adults they won't settle for a bad relationship, a bad job, or they'll aspire to greater things because they believe they can,' she says.
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Atkins set up her parents coaching business 17 years ago. Based in Surrey, she offers one-to-one virtual sessions with parents. She also holds business 'power hour' sessions in-office, allowing employees access to her parental advice within their working day. Atkins is happy to be flexible, doing what it takes until the issue is resolved. 'I'm a bit like the stabilisers on the bike,' she says. After working together to sort the problem, 'you ride off without me'.
In terms of qualifications, Atkins is an NLP Master Practitioner, with specific training in psychology. 'I'm all about empowerment, not rescue,' she says.
Parenting tip
Learn the magic of limited choices. It is human nature to struggle with choice — decisions are as tricky for a child as they are for a grown-up. If we have no choice, we rebel. If we have too many choices, we get flustered, throw a strop and opt for none of them. But if we are given a limited number of choices, we love the control. The same applies to children. If you need your child to put on a jumper, instead of simply ordering them to do it and face their inevitable rebellion, give them a choice: 'Do you want to wear your blue jumper or your red jumper?' Atkins says. 'What's implied is that you are wearing your jumper because it's the middle of winter' — but you are giving the kids the choice.
Sue Atkins offers pay-as-you-go sessions for £147 an hour and package deals that start at £400 for 3 x 60-minute coaching sessions or 6 x 60-minute coaching sessions for £750. She has published multiple books, including Parenting Made Easy, The Can-Do Kid's Journal and The Divorce Journal for Kids, and has a new podcast, Navigating the Digital Jungle
For many parents, it isn't the daytime care of the baby that gets to them, it's the sleep (or lack of). Heidi Skudder started her career as a sleep coach, on duty from 9pm to 7am. She would care for her clients' children, lulling them into sleep and training them to be better sleepers so that the parents could sleep better themselves. Skudder decided to set up her own parent coaching business, Positively Parenthood, 15 years ago — which covers a wide range of parenting issues but with a speciality in sleep coaching.
Skudder has a background in nannying and a mother who was a child minder. Now with 20 years of childcare experience, a master's in psychology, qualifications in coaching and three young children of her own, her business just keeps growing. Offering one-to-one sessions, either over zoom or at clients' homes, she primarily focuses on parents of young children.
Although she is based in London, her clients are worldwide. 'I have lots of clients around the country, but also in countries like America, Canada, Dubai, wherever there are parents, which is obviously everywhere,' she says. Companies (often in the finance or legal spheres) also employ Skudder for clinic days. These involve going into corporations where parents can volunteer to come to her with any questions, queries or concerns. They also offer 'lunch and learns' where Skudder will hop online for an hour at lunch and speak to people from the business about their parental concerns. These corporate parent coaching sessions are becoming increasingly popular as studies have shown that sleep deprivation is estimated to cost the UK economy £40 billion annually — whether it be reduced productivity or increased absenteeism. Not only do parents benefit from parent coaches — so does the economy.
Parenting tip
'Screens play the part of TV nanny, as we call it,' Skudder says. But it is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Screens give you a dopamine high — which means what quickly follows is the dopamine crash. 'So then you get the tantrums, then you become the shouty mum and then you wonder what's going on with your child … but actually you just need to cut back on screen time.' Both the child's and parent's screen-time play a part in this. 'A lot of behaviour comes from just wanting to be with you a bit more, to have a bit more of your time and a bit more of your energy' — time and energy that parents aren't giving when they are on their phones.
Private sessions with Heidi Skudder at Positively Parenthood cost £395 for a sleep-clinic session, which includes an hour clinic in person or on Zoom, weekly check-ins for the following month and access to sleep courses that help to train your baby to sleep well. Prices for other services available on her website or on request. She has recently published her first book, Your Positive Baby Sleep Book
Connie Simpson, fondly known as Nanny Connie, was born and bred to nanny and nurture. She grew up jumping at any chance to babysit her younger cousins, and naturally slipped into the nannying world. Given her mother was a nurse and her grandmother was a midwife, she believes the nurturing quality runs deep in her family. For Simpson, it is hugely gratifying when her advice 'starts to change [parents] or empower them in their parenting'. Mainly through word of mouth, her name started to spread across the US — so much so that celebrities (such as Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake, John Krasinski and Emily Blunt) began coming to her for parental help. But fret not, her clientele is not exclusively star-studded — she works with us mere mortals all over the globe too.
According to Simpson 'the most common mistake parents make is not believing in themselves and not having that belief in themselves means they'll try something for a minute and if they're getting too much pushback … they don't stay consistent'. She likens it to growing a plant, if you are consistent the roots will grow strong — parents may not see the benefits of their consistency all the time as the roots are under the surface. But she encourages parents to 'just keep watering, just keep fertilising, just keep making sure that it is protected and cared for and the beauty will be seen in that tree when it grows'.
What sets Connie apart from other parenting coaches? As well as offering private coaching consultations for parents to discuss any issues they have and nanny mentoring sessions to aid new nannies in their own careers, Simpson does home visits where she watches the parents interact with their child and can then help them at a more hands-on level. Most of her consultations are held online and clients can choose however many sessions they require as Connie says 'parenting is not something I can give you a box of five sessions'.
Parenting tip
Keeping the conversation open between parents and children is essential when it comes to social media. Remind them that what you see online is often not what you see in real life. 'We aren't putting the disclaimer on social media the same way we are putting a disclaimer on other things in our kids' lives,' Simpson says. 'When they watch Star Wars the first thing you do is remind them that's not real — so why can't we put the same disclaimer on [social media]?'
Based in the US, Nanny Connie offers parenting consultations starting at $125 for a 45-minute video session. Other services available on request. She has also published a book, The Nanny Connie Way