"I Feel Like I Was Catfished": Women Are Raising The Alarm On This 1 "Outrageous" Word Men Are Using On Dating Apps

Yahoo

11-07-2025

Back in January, the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative public policy think tank, released a survey that determined 52% of single heterosexual women are less likely to date a Donald Trump supporter — with only 36% of single heterosexual men saying voting for Trump would be a dealbreaker.
And in the lead-up to Inauguration Day, Hily, a dating app with over 35 million worldwide users, released its own politics and dating study. After surveying 5,000 Gen Z and millennial Americans, Hily determined that 1 in 3 American women would decline a date over political differences. Similar to the AEI survey, Hily's study determined that only 1 in 10 American men would decline a date for the same reason.
These results could very well explain the suspicious trend of heterosexual men misrepresenting their political leanings on dating apps: Specifically, they put 'moderate' on their profiles or act vague about their politics to increase their chances of matching with women who deliberately put 'no conservatives' in their own profiles. These so-called 'moderates' connect with liberal women, only for them to discover that their matches voted for Donald Trump in the last election (a dealbreaker for many).
So why are people lying about their politics on dating apps in the first place? And how can daters spot the red flags behind these vague profiles before everyone's emotions take over? Here's what relationship experts have to say about this very 2025 dating problem.
How 'Moderate' Became A Red Flag
Ella,* a Los Angeles resident, said she's had nothing but frustration with 'moderates' on the apps. As she told HuffPost, Ella noticed that her 'large number of matches' with guys listed as 'moderate' on their Hinge dating profiles has grown significantly in recent months. But she now swipes left on all 'moderates': This is because more than once, after 'days and days of texting,' it turns out that these guys are 'really far-right, anti-feminist, etc,' she said.
Ella's theory is that conservative men might need to lie about their political views – or else they won't get any dates in a liberal city like LA.
Amanda*, creator of the 'Dating Is Dead' Instagram account, recently ended a two-year relationship with a man who also listed 'moderate' on his profile.
'I think that he was conservative more than moderate,' she said. 'I feel like I was catfished in that sense.'
She said her now-ex-boyfriend began to show his true colors during the first 100 days of the second Trump administration: 'He was becoming more and more indoctrinated to the hard right.'
Now, Amanda is questioning whether her ex's far-right attitude was there all along and she was 'just so blinded by love' — or if 'he was hiding who he was.'
Since ending that relationship, Amanda said she is far more cautious around men who put 'moderate' in their dating profiles: 'I try and bring it up more gently than I did in the beginning,' she said, 'because there's a lot of dancing around who we voted for, so now I ask immediately.'
This approach may result in some abbreviated dates, but it could also mean dodging a major bullet before you've even finished drinks: 'I actually went on a date the other night that lasted seven minutes,' Amanda said. Her date, after admitting that he voted for Donald Trump, brushed off her concerns about the president's second administration, claiming that 'nothing in America is really going to change,' which was all Amanda needed to know about this guy's values.
Bolster Your Dating Boundaries
From the chipping away of reproductive freedom to the U.S. government's pronatalist campaign, women's rights are under attack in 2025. So discovering that the 'moderate' guy you've matched with might actually be looking for a tradwife can be unsettling, to say the least.
'For a lot of women — especially women of color, queer women, women with trauma histories — conservative beliefs don't just feel like a difference of opinion,' said Cheryl Groskopf, an LA-based anxiety, trauma and attachment therapist. 'They feel like a threat. And if you've ever been dismissed, gaslit or harmed by someone who hides behind 'traditional values,' then this kind of dishonesty can feel like a violation (because it is).'
'It's also just draining to constantly have to explain yourself,' continued Groskopf. 'Think of the energy it takes to spend the first 30 minutes of a first date defending your humanity.'
Amanda knows this sentiment well. She recounted how the seven-minute-date guy disregarded her concerns about women's bodily autonomy by pointing out that she lives in a blue state like New York. 'I was like, but it's not about me,' she said. 'It's about the girl in Mississippi or Texas who was, God forbid, sexually assaulted at 13 or who needs a D&C. [Men] have the same rights across all 50 states, and I don't. It is not really up for discussion. A gun has more rights than I do.'
Bottom line? 'Women need these boundaries to protect their energy, their bodies and their sense of safety,' Groskopf said. 'They can absolutely name up-front what they need to feel safe.'
Why Are Men Misrepresenting Themselves On The Apps?
The numbers don't lie: If 52% of single women are less likely to date a Trump supporter, then it makes sense that some of those Trump supporters are attempting to game the system.
'It may be because they are trying to appeal to a broader range of women, and want to select answers that they perceive will get them past the initial screening,' observes Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a relationship expert with Hily. (Cohen also provided the data from Hily's pre-Inauguration Day survey.)
'They also may perceive that they are being inaccurately judged as a result of their political views, so they are trying to present themselves in a way that they think will allow them to match with more people,' she added.
But these political mismatches sometimes occur simply because some people 'may judge their own views inaccurately,' Cohen said. 'They may think they are progressive compared to other people they are associated with, but don't necessarily hold progressive views.'
Groskopf also points to a 'real-time cultural shift': Women are now asking questions like, 'Does this person feel emotionally safe to me?'
Amanda echoes that, reiterating her need to know a man's political beliefs before getting involved. 'I would not feel safe in a room with a bunch of conservative men at this point,' she told HuffPost.
While Groskopf doesn't believe all men are 'trying to maliciously deceive' their potential dates, she also observes that they're not all being honest and authentic, either.
'Many of them have just never had to think about how their political beliefs affect someone else's sense of emotional or physical safety,' Groskopf said. 'They weren't taught to connect their values to safety, or to see 'moderate' as vague instead of neutral. But what he's missing is that for a lot of women, that kind of vagueness is the red flag.'
Trust Yourself — And Your Values
If a person's political views are a dealbreaker for you, then it's imperative to tackle vague, 'moderate' profiles with a clear strategy: That starts with establishing your values, Cohen said. 'Additionally, going beyond surface-level questions to get to know a person and their worldview is important.'
That being said, Cohen advises skepticism if a potential date 'consistently fails to expand on their own views.' For the sake of your emotional safety, Groskopf recommends asking simple questions like:
'What does 'moderate' mean to you?'
'How do your values show up in your day-to-day?'
'Where do you land on things that matter to me — like therapy, mental health, women's rights?'
'The way he responds will tell you a lot,' Groskopf said. 'Does he get curious? Defensive? Does he minimize your question? Does he give a clear answer or just talk in circles and try to sound chill? If he can't meet that moment with honesty, clarity, or even basic self-awareness — that is the red flag.'
Groskopf also cautions against continued obscurity: 'If he says things like 'I'm pretty middle of the road' or 'I just don't like extremes' — but can't tell you what he does believe or values,' then that's a red flag too.
Watch out for defensiveness or mockery as well: 'If he gets weird or low-key annoyed when you ask a totally normal question about values — or makes fun of people who care about things like social issues or emotional growth — that's your sign,' Groskopf said. 'A guy who's actually grounded doesn't get defensive over basic emotional curiosity.'
Women deserve to know if someone they're dating voted against their interests from the get-go. If a guy you match with says 'moderate' on his profile, you are entitled to know his definition of the word before your emotions potentially take over.
'For you to tell me that you're a moderate, but it's OK to have unmarked police cars and people without badges sweeping people up in the streets? That's outrageous,' Amanda said of dubious 'moderate' men.
'Your non-negotiables are your non-negotiables,' Cohen said. 'If learning about a person's political leanings matters to you, ask!'
*Names of those who shared their personal stories have been changed throughout this piece to preserve anonymity.This article originally appeared on HuffPost.