Why a first class degree could now be a ticket to the dole queue: AI robots are already taking thousands of graduate-level jobs - so if your son or daughter has just got their degree you MUST read this...
But look a little closer and behind the smiles there's something else: uncertainty. For many the next chapter isn't a job but unemployment.
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Telegraph
42 minutes ago
- Telegraph
Six subtle signs you're heading for divorce and how to fix it
Like a whisper, it's barely there. Almost unnoticeable but loaded with meaning, the shrouded warning that a marriage is in trouble can be so masked in habit and denial, it stays in the background – until it's too late. But the slow drip of negativity is significant because most of us live acutely in the small stuff. The daily niggles, the too-often turn of a back, the tiny apathetic reactions which chip away at the marital bond. Over time, these subtle actions accumulate, shattering the relationship by eroding trust, connection and intimacy, often bringing the prospect of divorce closer. 80,057 divorces were granted in England and Wales in 2022 – the lowest number since 1971, and a 29.5 per cent drop from 2021. But there has been a rise in divorces among the over 60s, with the number of over-60s legally separating doubling since 1993, according to ONS figures. And while you might think a 'grey divorce' will be less devastating for the family, in reality, the impact can be all the more profound due to the length of time the family has been together. So it's not something you want to sleepwalk into. Spotting early red flags before they completely divebomb a relationship could be the answer. Ammanda Major, therapist and head of clinical practice at relationship support centre Relate says: 'As the years go by, couples can stop noticing what is happening between them. Perhaps the rest of life gets in the way, or an indifference around their connection sets in. But to maintain longevity in a relationship, the commitment to each other should run deep.' So, ask yourself. Are the hidden patterns in your marriage undermining your relationship and leading you towards separation? Maybe it's time to make crucial changes. 'It's never just the two of us' Do you think of your marriage as a team? While, of course, it's important for all of us to build autonomy, there is little room in a relationship for selfishness and arrogance. Being in a couple means working towards common goals, considering the other's needs, and understanding that your behaviour has an impact. So, for example, if you insist on booking weekends away with your friends without consulting your partner, or not bothering to text when you're going to be late home, it doesn't take a genius to predict there may be consequences, like a loss of trust or respect or affection. In her book, The State of Affairs Rethinking Infidelity, psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel writes, 'When things are good in a relationship, there's a spirit of abundance and love that breeds generosity. 'I did it for us' makes sense as long as there is trust in that basic unit called 'us'.' And there lies the crux: the belief that you are in this together. That can be something as simple as thinking in the 'we' rather than the 'I'. Ammanda Major, a relationship therapist for Relate adds: 'A lot of problems start to improve when a couple notices there is a disconnection. Being aware of what is actually going on between you is the first step towards building 'togetherness'.' How to re-engage Ask yourself why you don't exist as a couple. It could be down to practicalities like having a hectic family life, or is it more that you've stopped prioritising time together after 25 years of marriage? Either way, it's important to dig into the reasons. 'Then you can talk about it,' says Major. 'And rather than say, 'YOU haven't asked me out for dinner in months', which sounds accusatory, try, 'I wonder why WE haven't organised some time together?' Be curious about the reasons behind the lethargy. This encourages a conversation rather than an argument about what hasn't happened.' 'We don't look at each other' If you've lost interest in each other, that's not a great sign. You need a basic level of curiosity about your partner to keep the relationship alive. Tina, 62, says, 'I'd be with my husband, but we wouldn't speak much or even look at each other. He'd come home from work, say hello with his eyes averted, then make a cup of tea and walk out of the room. We divorced 18 months ago.' How to re-engage 'Not communicating can be the start of indifference,' says Major, 'When you are curious about someone, it shows them that they are valuable to you. I often talk to my clients about the three-question rule. If your partner tells you something about their day, ask three questions about it. Like, if he says work was busy, ask him if he managed a lunch break, where did he go to eat and what made his time out enjoyable? It's not about showing an avid interest in his lunch break, it's more about being interested in him. It confirms you are invested in your partner's wellbeing.' 'I can't remember when we last argued' A couple of years ago, George Clooney claimed he and his wife of 11 years, the human rights lawyer Amal, never argue. That's a good thing, right? Well, not always. When a couple can't be bothered to thrash something out, it could mean they have detached and don't give two hoots about making a difference to the relationship. Dr John Gottman is an American psychologist, and his extensive research on marriage and couples has identified the key indicators of relationship breakdown. He claims to be able to predict with over 90 per cent accuracy which couples will divorce and which will stay together. He cites 'stonewalling' as a relationship red flag. This is when a person 'withdraws from interaction, shuts down, and stops responding to their partner'. How to re-engage Lindsay George, a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy-registered psychotherapist and counsellor, admits that bringing up grievances is risky, but difficult conversations are essential in a long-term relationship. 'Otherwise, problems are never resolved,' she says, 'Couples get into silent scorekeeping or they feel isolated and unheard. It's healthy to get things out in the open. But there is a more positive way of doing it. Rather than react in the heat of the moment, set aside some time to talk. Avoid accusations and instead deeply listen to each other. Try saying 'I feel ignored when I explain what I want' rather than 'You make me feel ignored'. Then it's more about what's going on in your relationship and not a personal attack on them. Conflict is about learning to bridge the difference between a problem and the understanding of where the other person is coming from.' 'I touch him and he pulls away' It's easy to label your partner: she's cold, he's overbearing, she's judgemental, he's lazy. But often behind each marker, there's a back story. Marian, 52, was devastated when her husband Niall, stopped instigating sex after thirty years together. 'We went from an active sex life of at least a couple of times a week, to nothing for months on end. I'd cuddle him and he'd turn away.' When Marian finally asked Niall what was going on, he confided that his libido was waning and he'd felt embarrassed about losing his erection on a couple of occasions. Marian admits she'd branded him as 'aloof' rather than insecure, and her assumptions had created a cavern of misunderstanding between them. How to re-engage Think beyond the obvious. Could your partner's lack of interest be a defensive response to you regularly pointing out his burgeoning belly? Or is his aversion to spontaneous hand-holding related to work stress, making him jittery? 'A marriage doesn't just happen,' says Lindsay George, 'Both parties need to invest in it. When I'm in a couple's therapy session, there's often a major shift when one of them stops and thinks, 'Yes, I played a part in that. ' If you are complacent, nothing will change. It's easy to get stuck in stagnant routines, and even the smallest of incremental steps towards a different approach can save a marriage.' 'My last text to him was months ago' 'Couples who share goodbye kisses, a meal together, casual texts, insider jokes and nicknames tend to do better,' says Lindsay George, 'They may seem like small things, but they are the glue that binds a partnership.' And it's not about sending a text regularly, or even if at all – you may be the sort of couple who just don't text or chat on the phone when apart. But being connected in an intimate way, unique only to you, is important. It says 'us' and that is the key. How to re-engage Dip your toe in the water. Send a cheeky text, book a night out, kiss her cheek in passing. Josh Hudson, a marriage coach, reveals on his podcast, The Marriage Reset, 'These small interactions are called 'Bids for Attention'. They are little tests that show how connected a couple really are. The couples who thrive are the ones who respond positively to these bids of attention… But for couples on the edge of divorce, even a small exchange can feel stressful because there has been tension beneath the surface for years. The key takeaway is it's not what you're saying to each other, it's what is happening underneath.' 'There are no holidays planned together' When a marriage wobbles, joint plans can fall by the wayside, and a shared future dissipates. But does the absence of time together mean you are not remotely interested in being a couple? Again, it's thinking about what is going on a deeper level. If you haven't been on holiday together for years, this could be a significant red flag – sharing quality time endorses a relationship. But if you simply haven't organised something for this summer, then the problem might just be an inability to get your act together. It's also worth noting that time apart can be positive. Esther Perel is an advocate of 'separation to stimulate desire'. She believes, 'The longing, the waiting, the absence - they create the fuel that ignites erotic connection.' How to re-engage However, Perel doesn't recommend spending too much time apart – excessive distance can damage the relationship – but being together constantly can also stifle it. Solo trips, or even a regular weekly commitment to a separate activity, can have positive outcomes – you miss each other and long for a reunion, plus you've built fresh experiences to talk about. Perel stresses the importance of uniting again with affection and renewed excitement and interest. She says, 'When you spend time apart, you come back with stories. And stories are what keep the erotic thread alive.'
BBC News
an hour ago
- BBC News
Paint recycling scheme started in Devon
Tins of useable leftover paint can be taken to Devon's Household Waste Recycling Centres (HWRC) as part of a new Community RePaint scheme in the county, local project leaders RePaint is a UK-wide initiative that makes paint available to others; all they have to do is collect it. The scheme is now available at all recycling centres except in Jacqi Hodgson, from Devon County Council, said: "We are delighted to get this scheme off the ground. it's another example of our ongoing commitment to sustainability and supporting Devon's communities. "It makes sense to allow others to use your leftover paint rather than paying to dispose of it." Bosses said 1,756 litres of paint had already been distributed to members of the public.
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Couple who thought they had bought Cockapoo puppy discover it is actually a 7 stone Bernese Mountain Dog
A couple who thought they'd adopted a Cockapoo puppy were stunned to see it grow into a seven stone Bernese Mountain Dog giant. Laura McFarlane, 43, and Jamie Griffiths, 51, brought Bobby home from an animal rescue centre in November 2022 and were reportedly told he was the popular cocker spaniel-poodle crossbreed. Being a small breed, the couple expected him to end up weighing less than two stone - so were shocked when he grew to almost four times the size. Ms McFarlane said her suspicions were first raised when Bobby was not even fully grown but already the biggest dog at the cockapoo socials they were attending. Genetic testing carried out by the couple soon revealed there was no trace of Cocker Spaniel in Bobby and he was in fact a Bernedoodle - a mix between Bernese Mountain Dog and Poodle. Bernese Mountain Dogs are a large breed originating from the Swiss Alps that were bred for tasks like pulling carts due to their power and size. Despite everything Ms McFarlane has insisted the pair have 'no regrets' about adopting Bobby - who now weighs the same as a 13-year-old child - saying there is just 'more of him to love'. Ms McFarlane, from Pontypridd, South Wales, said: 'We were told that he was a cockapoo. We expected him to grow to a maximum of 12kg. 'Once he'd had his injections, we started taking him to cockapoo socials. He was the biggest dog and he just got bigger. 'Everybody kept saying to us that they thought that he was a labradoodle. 'We sent for a DNA test for him and it came back that there's no Cocker Spaniel in him. He's Bernese Mountain Dog and Poodle - so not a small dog. 'He was so big by that point compared to what we thought he would be. 'I don't regret adopting him, there's just more of him to love. 'He's my best friend. He's a lot of fun, he's extremely cheeky. He's extremely fun and he's got lots of doggy friends.' The regional sales manager added the 45kg beast is served up three meals a day and even joins in with the couple and has a full English breakfast or Sunday roast on special occasions. Ms McFarlane said: 'We feed him three times a day - he's always hungry anyway but we're quite strict with his food because he does have a sensitive stomach. The pair take Bobby 'everywhere' - on camping trips and speed boats - as they don't like leaving him at home 'He has three feeds a day so if we can do him a Sunday dinner or a breakfast we'll do him a little one as well because he likes to join in. 'We don't like leaving him at home on our days off because one of us is always working from home. 'We just take him everywhere. He's done everything - he's been on speed boats, been camping. 'He lives the life of Riley.' Ms McFarlane has said she wants to encourage other prospective dog owners to adopt rather than buying from a breeder - and would advise them to ask questions in order to avoid the same doggy blunder. She explained: 'Ask as many questions as possible - if you're going to a breeder then get their backstory maybe. Bobby has three feeds a day and even joins in on a Sunday dinner or a breakfast in the form of his own 'little' meal 'I would always encourage adoption over going to a breeder and buying a puppy. 'That's the second dog we've had from a rescue. We had our first dog for 10 years and we've had Bob for three so I would [recommend adoption] because there's just so many dogs there. 'We can't live without a dog really. Bobby is no trouble to us.'
