11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist
Close your eyes and picture your favorite memories with your grandparents when you were growing up. If those moments were warm, fuzzy and full of love, you very likely had emotionally supportive grandparents. Although much of the emotional support a child receives comes from the parent or parents, this is an area where grandmas and grandpas can also contribute. 'Grandparents can play a very key role in a grandchild's emotional development,' says Dr.Brett A. Biller, Psy.D., Director, Mental Health at the Audrey Hepburn Children's House at Hackensack University Medical Center. This emotional support is best carried out as a partnership between primary caregivers and grandparents. Ahead, discover the key things that emotionally supportive grandmothers and grandfathers do differently.Related: Grandparents Who Make the Biggest Impact on Their Grandkids Usually Do These 10 Things, Psychologists Say
Why Is It Important To Be Emotionally Supportive of Grandchildren?
Dr. Biller says that grandmothers and grandfathers have the distinct perspective of being able to provide love, support and care with far fewer daily parenting stressors and limitations that parents face. He adds that it's well-established that positive attachment between children and their grandparents results in decreased depressive symptoms, in both single parent families as well as in families in which children maintain strong relationships with their parents. 'Similarly, a secure emotional attachment between grandparents and grandchildren can mitigate the negative impact of less than ideal parental mental health and general functioning,' he explains. Dr. Biller also indicates that the positive attachment between grandparents and their grandchildren has beneficial impacts on grandparents themselves. In other words? Everyone wins when it comes to emotional support.Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions
11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist
Here are some characteristics that set these grandmas and grandpas apart.
1. They Spend Quality Time With Their Grandchildren
Dr. Biller says that when emotionally supportive grandparents spend time with their grandchildren, they do so in a manner that's felt in a sincere and genuine way. For example, when sharing a meal with a granddaughter or grandson, the grandparent will talk with the grandchild and be curious about the things that are meaningful to them, from school to relationships. Or, if a grandparent attends a grandkid's performance or game, the grandma or grandpa minimizes distractions such as phones and conversations and is there fully.'Although we think that our grandchildren are occupied with their activities, they are also tuned in to see how they are being taken in,' Dr. Biller says. 'Similarly, there is significant value in being able to discuss and process what the child engaged in after the activity.' Related:
2. They Respect Family Boundaries
Emotionally supportive grandparents recognize the boundaries established by their grandchild's primary caregivers. 'It is not uncommon for grandparents to overlook the value of boundaries when attempting to provide unbridled love and kindness,' Dr. Biller says, adding that when a grandparent provides this love, the acts shouldn't be in opposition to the parents' wishes. When this happens, Dr. Biller says that it can bring on 'significant conflict and emotional confusion.'
3. They Listen to Their Grandchildren
'As is necessary in any meaningful relationship, it is imperative that grandparents fully listen to their grandchildren,' Dr. Biller says. 'The listening that is necessary involves more than auditory listening. It is essential that grandparents listen with their ears, eyes and other senses to ensure that they are responses to actual needs and respectful of their grandchild's boundaries.' Related:
4. They Share Life Experiences
Emotionally supportive grandparents share their abundance of life experiences with their grandchildren.'It is imperative when sharing life experiences that grandparents do so in a realistic manner, sharing candor and humility,' Dr. Biller says. 'Grandchildren will learn best when grandparents share the reason that their experiences had an impact rather than simply describing the experience.'
5. They Provide Companionship
Dr. Biller notes that while stories, hugs and smiles add quality to the time spent between grandparents and grandkids, consistency and reliability is important when it comes to companionship. In fact, this grandparent/grandchild relationship can serve as a foundation for a grandchild's expectation for later relationships. Related:
6. They Foster Emotional Socialization
Although emotions tend to be experienced organically, Dr. Biller says that deliberate emotional development is primarily achieved through experience and exploration, something that can also be referred to as 'emotional socialization.' 'It is very beneficial for grandparents to be emotionally expressive and explain to their grandchildren the emotional impact of their interactions,' Dr. Biller says. 'Through discussions of emotional experiences, grandparents enhance their grandchildren's understanding of the nuances of different emotions and gain comfort speaking about their feelings.' Related:
7. They Serve as Role Models and Mentors
'As we all know, children learn from what we do, rather than what we say,' Dr. Biller explains. 'It should not be a surprise that grandparents who provide good examples through their actions have a positive emotional impact on their grandchildren's wellbeing.' Related: 6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals
8. They Act as "Historians'
Dr. Biller says that emotionally supportive grandparents act as 'historians' of their families, explaining family traditions, values and ethnic heritage in detail. 'Grandparents serve a key role in linking past generations to future generations,' he shares. 'Through engaged retelling of stories about family members, grandchildren better understand their personal and cultural heritage.'
9. They Model Appropriate Emotional Expression
According to Dr. Biller, emotionally supportive grandparents model 'appropriate emotional expression' and 'provide guidance on coping with strong emotions.'
'Through activities such as active play and reading with grandchildren, grandparents can serve an important role in teaching children how to manage and express their emotions,' he explains. 'When reading with children, it is best if grandparents are able to face their grandchildren, so that the child learns about emotions through listening to voice intonation as well as viewing facial expressions.' Related:
10. They Maintain Support Into Adulthood
Dr. Biller says that the positive impact of emotional support from grandparents does not end at age 18, 'and why should it?' he adds. He goes on to say, 'The time and effort that is invested into an emotionally supportive relationship between a grandparent and child is beneficial throughout young adulthood and beyond. Personal growth does not have an end and, therefore, if a grandchild is fortunate to maintain a secure relationship with a grandparent, beyond their adolescence and into young adulthood, the grandchild is able to adapt their functioning based on the lessons and experiences that they learned from during their early interactions with their grandparents.'
11. They Love Unconditionally
Emotionally supportive grandparents love unconditionally, but have 'appropriate boundaries' as Dr. Biller states. Although grandparents tend to play by 'a different set of rules' than parents, as Dr. Biller points out, he says that it's still imperative that grandparents respect the boundaries of their grandchildren and children. 'Loving unconditionally includes being mindful of how acts of love are expressed and how they are received,' he concludes.
Up Next:Source:
Brett A. Biller, Psy.D., Director, Mental Health at the Audrey Hepburn Children's House at Hackensack University Medical Center
11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jul 19, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 19, 2025, where it first appeared.
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