More enjoyable sex, less enjoyable sleep. Ione Skye, 54, gets candid about intimacy, insecurities and menopause.
With age comes wisdom, yes, but also new challenges and changes. Here she shares her refreshing thoughts on body image, exercise, menopause and more.
Why was it the right time for you to write and release this book?
I always love sharing myself with my close friends and family and just have that desire to be known, like all of us. But at this point, I felt I could trust myself to share and not overshare, believe it or not, even though it is unapologetically honest and disarming.
It felt like there was a lot of interest in my life and I wanted to let people know who I am and share my experience. As I get older, I feel I can kind of take care of myself through things emotionally — ride the ups and downs and still stick with myself. When I was younger, I don't know if I would have had the same mind to edit parts.
The older I get, the more I feel like life is just as hard in some ways, but this, too, shall pass.
You touch on different sources of insecurity in your writing — your body being one of them. Has that changed as you've gotten older?
The pressure I had put on myself to look like a friggin' model is insane. As I get older, I'm grateful when my body works. I'm always going to have that mind where I put pressure on myself thinking my stomach looks big in a picture or whatever it is. But I just appreciate superficially the parts of my body that I do like.
In the book I write a list about the parts I like versus the parts I don't like, which is not a healthy thing. But also, it is, in the sense that I'm focusing on the good things. I'm just trying to remember all the healthy things that really matter.
What does exercise look like for you in your 50s?
I struggle with that and always have. As a little kid, I didn't like sports at first because I hated the feeling of competition. When it was light and just fun, it was great. I liked it when I could forget that I was exercising. It's about finding the thing that I feel good doing so I'm still doing something because I realize I have to and it makes me feel better, of course. But I'm inconsistent.
Now I'm doing Pilates for just stretching. I'm not in a class — I found a place where you go on your own machine because I feel a lot of pressure in class sometimes. I'm 54 and most women in classes I've gone to were up to their 30s or 40s. So I'm a little older, they're seemingly having a much easier time and I get frustrated with myself that I don't have the same endurance. I was never highly athletic, but I'm giving myself a break.
I don't want to push myself anymore as long as I'm doing something. Just being very gentle and taking it slow.
How has your body evolved with aging?
I'm getting older, my tummy is getting bigger and I'm gaining a little weight as I'm menopausal. Maybe that'll even out, but again, I'm giving myself grace for the changes of my body. As long as I'm being healthy and trying to be mobile and keep fit, that's more important than just worrying too much about what I look like in clothes.
What has menopause been like for you otherwise?
It's hard getting older. I guess you hear about that whole feeling of being invisible and all of that. I just didn't expect the anxiety and the mood changes. Obviously, your hormones are different, so all of a sudden I've got more anxiety.
The part that's the hardest for me isn't even the hot flashes because I'm taking estrogen and that helps. It's the sleeplessness that's just the worst. I look at my 23-year-old and my teenager and I'm like, 'Oh, I loved when I was younger and could just sleep.'
It's really good that more people are talking about it. I can't believe my mom didn't. I asked my mom about her experience and she's like, 'Oh, I don't remember. I just remember feeling sort of sad that I wouldn't be able to have a baby anymore.' And I'm like, 'That's it?'
It's getting better. But I still feel sexy and beautiful.
Intimacy and sexuality were a big part of the book. What does that look like for you today?
It's been this whole process of … having sex for myself.
I thankfully never had any nightmarish experiences, but I was still doing it a lot without really being in my body or knowing what I wanted. It felt almost like an extension of being creative with somebody I was attracted to and I admired. But I was very unable to enjoy it or I felt insecure about my body.
Now that I'm in this marriage, I feel so safe. I can really check in with myself and do it for myself. I've turned it more into like, this is something good for me to do, which sounds completely unsexy, but it isn't. I remind myself that this is for you, this is for your sexual health and to connect with yourself and with your husband.
It's such a long road and it's still going.
Tell me about your beauty routine.
I feel like I've finally learned how to do my makeup properly. It's taken me a long time. I was naturally pretty and I didn't have a mom who encouraged me to get gussied up or to put on a face. So I just kind of went with it and brushed my hair, put on some cool clothes.
I've always had rosacea, so I used to lean toward a natural look and products just because I was trying to avoid perfumes and stuff that would make my skin turn bright red. I have dry skin too, so just whatever I'm doing, I use a lot of moisturizer. I've never stuck to a routine, but I'm more and more open to learning about it these days, especially having daughters. They have like 20-step skincare routines.
I'm going to try to do more facials because I think they do brighten up your skin. So I want to try to do a facial every three months or something if I can.
You wrote about always feeling older than you were when you were a teenager, as a result of being in Hollywood. What age do you feel now?
I feel a lot of different ages for different parts of me. I mean, sometimes I feel like a kid when I'm feeling emotional in a certain way. But I would say maybe early 40s, if I was going to land on like a more mature adult age.
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