Abbey's Road: Types of parents at youth sporting events

USA Today

3 days ago

The end of July marked the official beginning of the high school tennis season. Two tournaments into our second year of this gig and I am slowly reacquainting myself with what, exactly, that looks like.
There are some sports parents who know all the things about their kids' sports. I am proud of those parents, because they seem like they have it all together. If I could, I would give them all participation trophies because that's the kind of thing millennials do.
I, meanwhile, sit in the bleachers and watch my three kids figure skate, and if I can name the jump or spin they're attempting at any given moment, it's a really good day.
Could I spend some time Googling to figure out what I'm missing? Well, yes. And I have, a little. But I don't actually mind that, thus far, all of our children have chosen to participate in sports about which I have very little background knowledge.
It means that I never have technical advice to offer them. I cannot 'coach' them on the finer points of the entrances to their salchows or instruct Bookworm on finessing her backhand. All I can do is encourage them to do their best, maintain their cool and remember that the reason why we play sports is to have fun and keep our bodies healthy.
Abbey's Road: Celebrating 16 simply
Sitting in the bleachers in the chill of the ice rink or in a folding chair under the blazing sun by the tennis court, I spend a lot of time observing not just the sport being played, but the conversations and bits of life that unfold on the sidelines.
It's fascinating to watch, the way parents live out this secondary role of cheerleader/coach/support person, and I've found there are different types of parents who do this in different ways:
The 'All In' Parent: They wear earrings that say 'Rugby Mama,' have their kid's face on a badge on their shirt, bemoan the fact that they can't attend any social functions during sports season but actually live for their kid's games and don't know what to do with themselves when the season is over. (Some may pursue private lessons and club sports in the off-season for this reason. And also, you know, for the betterment of the player.)
The 'Vicarious Athleticism' Parent: They may not have made the cheerleading squad or the football team, or the quiz-bowl team during high school; maybe they did, and their glory days are long since over. Regardless, Johnny's stint as starting quarterback is their second chance! They know the plays, research the moves, foot the bills for the best equipment and do everything they can to launch Johnny into success, because (off the record) their well-being, at least, partially depends on it.
The Team Mom: The one who brings all the snacks, stocks all the Band-Aids, packs extra water and is there for every kid whose parent is working late, had things to do or is not generally organized. Team Moms are more common in younger-kid sports but still make an appearance in higher-grade levels. The Team Mom is a great one to become acquainted with if you are a Laissez Faire (see below) and don't remember to bring the basics because you don't know what the basics are.
The Quiet Cheerleader: They show up. All the time. They might know a lot — maybe they're a retired pro — but you'd never know it because they largely keep to themselves. Perhaps they're introverted, or perhaps watching their kid's games are their time to unwind. They might be quiet, but they're invested, and it shows by their consistency and attention.
The 'Laissez Faire' Parent: They show up but have very little idea as to what's going on. Perhaps they bring a book or their latest crochet project; perhaps they are entertaining disinterested siblings who have been unwittingly dragged along. It's not that they don't care, it's just that there are other things, and sometimes their focus is stolen away at the cost of maintaining a life-sports parent balance.
Chances are you've met a few of these in your life; maybe you are one, or a combination.
There are many things about each of these types that I can appreciate: The 'All In' Parent's abilities to immerse themselves in their kid's world (without getting lost in it); the 'Vicarious Athleticism' Parent's willingness to learn about something that's important to their kid and help them along (while letting their kid hold the reins); the Team Mom's willingness to step in and provide wherever she sees gaps; the Quiet Cheerleader's consistency; the "Laissez Faire" Parent's ability to resist the urge to control and allow their kid to find their own way (while still being invested in whatever it is their kid is doing).
Abbey's Road: Facing the end of summer with some emotion
Whichever you are, as we begin a new school year of new seasons, I pray we all find the balance between cheering our kids on and letting them live their lives; between investing in them and allowing them space to decide what their limits and passions are; between supporting our children and allowing their activity to become our entire identity.
All in all, the sports season is a small portion of our children's lives. May we all make the most of it and help one another to do the same.
Abbey Roy is a mom of three girls who make every day an adventure. She writes to maintain her sanity. You can probably reach her at [e-mail], but responses are structured around bedtimes and weekends.