
Bradshaw: Elite college admissions is now a game of chicken that most don't know they're playing
The truth is, top-tier admissions today is less like applying for a job — and more like a high-speed game of chicken. Colleges want to admit students who are almost certain to say yes. Applicants, meanwhile, want to keep their options open. What happens when neither side flinches? You crash.
It's called yield protection, and if you haven't heard of it, you probably don't know why your valedictorian didn't get into Vanderbilt — or why that quiet sophomore who never joined a single club just got into Princeton.
Yield protection refers to a quiet, unofficial practice where elite schools waitlist or reject top students they believe won't attend. If you're a student with a near-perfect GPA, a 1560 SAT, and no demonstrated interest in Northwestern, you might be quietly bumped in favor of a slightly lower-scoring peer who took the campus tour, emailed admissions, and applied Early Decision.
The numbers explain why. Colleges are ranked not just by selectivity but by yield — the percentage of admitted students who enroll. A high yield suggests a school is a top choice. A low yield looks desperate. Schools care — a lot.
So they make educated guesses: Will this kid actually come here? If the answer is no — or even maybe — they move on. And because none of this is ever made public, families are left scratching their heads, blaming bad luck or overconfidence.
Here's the kicker: The most prepared families have already gamed the system. They know that the 'safety vs. reach' model is outdated. They focus instead on signal management — sending cues to colleges that their child is serious.
That means applying Early Decision (if financially possible), visiting campuses in person, attending local info sessions, joining mailing lists, and even writing optional 'Why us?' essays with tactical precision. In other words: not just being a great applicant, but making sure a school knows it's one of your top three.
This is why elite admissions now favors two types of students: the early-bird committed, and the under-the-radar wildcard. The first locks in a spot through clear signals of interest. The second gets through because they're just too interesting to ignore. The student caught in the middle — qualified, but hedging — gets culled.
What's strange is how few families understand this. Even among top prep schools and international consultants, many still cling to a 1990s mindset: cast a wide net, avoid narrowing options, let the offers roll in. That model doesn't work anymore — not at the top.
Consider Emory University. Its acceptance rate last year was just under 12%, but its Early Decision admit rate was more than double that. Northwestern accepted fewer than 7% overall — but closer to 20% of ED applicants. These are not anomalies. They're incentives. And they're growing stronger every year.
The shift isn't just strategic. It's philosophical. As elite universities chase prestige and rankings, they've begun acting more like hedge funds — optimizing every metric, managing reputational risk, and placing bets based not just on talent, but probability. That includes gaming their own data to impress U.S. News and World Report rankings.
For students and families, this raises uncomfortable questions. Should you apply Early Decision to a school that's not your first choice, just to improve your odds? Should you flatter a school with emails and visits, even if you'd rather go elsewhere? Should you hide the fact you're applying to Ivies from a school like Rice or Tufts?
These are hard choices. But smart families are at least aware they exist.
The worst outcome isn't rejection. It's being shut out because you didn't know the rules had changed.
Admissions is still a meritocracy — but it's not a passive one. It rewards not just brilliance, but strategy.
And in this game of chicken, the schools aren't blinking.

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Chicago Tribune
3 days ago
- Chicago Tribune
Bradshaw: Elite college admissions is now a game of chicken that most don't know they're playing
In the high-stakes world of elite college admissions, families like to believe they're driving the process. They research schools, compare rankings, sign up for campus tours, and encourage their high-achieving teens to 'find the right fit.' But as decisions grow more opaque and acceptance rates dip into the low single digits, many applicants are realizing too late that they've misread the rules of the game. The truth is, top-tier admissions today is less like applying for a job — and more like a high-speed game of chicken. Colleges want to admit students who are almost certain to say yes. Applicants, meanwhile, want to keep their options open. What happens when neither side flinches? You crash. It's called yield protection, and if you haven't heard of it, you probably don't know why your valedictorian didn't get into Vanderbilt — or why that quiet sophomore who never joined a single club just got into Princeton. Yield protection refers to a quiet, unofficial practice where elite schools waitlist or reject top students they believe won't attend. If you're a student with a near-perfect GPA, a 1560 SAT, and no demonstrated interest in Northwestern, you might be quietly bumped in favor of a slightly lower-scoring peer who took the campus tour, emailed admissions, and applied Early Decision. The numbers explain why. Colleges are ranked not just by selectivity but by yield — the percentage of admitted students who enroll. A high yield suggests a school is a top choice. A low yield looks desperate. Schools care — a lot. So they make educated guesses: Will this kid actually come here? If the answer is no — or even maybe — they move on. And because none of this is ever made public, families are left scratching their heads, blaming bad luck or overconfidence. Here's the kicker: The most prepared families have already gamed the system. They know that the 'safety vs. reach' model is outdated. They focus instead on signal management — sending cues to colleges that their child is serious. That means applying Early Decision (if financially possible), visiting campuses in person, attending local info sessions, joining mailing lists, and even writing optional 'Why us?' essays with tactical precision. In other words: not just being a great applicant, but making sure a school knows it's one of your top three. This is why elite admissions now favors two types of students: the early-bird committed, and the under-the-radar wildcard. The first locks in a spot through clear signals of interest. The second gets through because they're just too interesting to ignore. The student caught in the middle — qualified, but hedging — gets culled. What's strange is how few families understand this. Even among top prep schools and international consultants, many still cling to a 1990s mindset: cast a wide net, avoid narrowing options, let the offers roll in. That model doesn't work anymore — not at the top. Consider Emory University. Its acceptance rate last year was just under 12%, but its Early Decision admit rate was more than double that. Northwestern accepted fewer than 7% overall — but closer to 20% of ED applicants. These are not anomalies. They're incentives. And they're growing stronger every year. The shift isn't just strategic. It's philosophical. As elite universities chase prestige and rankings, they've begun acting more like hedge funds — optimizing every metric, managing reputational risk, and placing bets based not just on talent, but probability. That includes gaming their own data to impress U.S. News and World Report rankings. For students and families, this raises uncomfortable questions. Should you apply Early Decision to a school that's not your first choice, just to improve your odds? Should you flatter a school with emails and visits, even if you'd rather go elsewhere? Should you hide the fact you're applying to Ivies from a school like Rice or Tufts? These are hard choices. But smart families are at least aware they exist. The worst outcome isn't rejection. It's being shut out because you didn't know the rules had changed. Admissions is still a meritocracy — but it's not a passive one. It rewards not just brilliance, but strategy. And in this game of chicken, the schools aren't blinking.


CNBC
24-07-2025
- CNBC
I've coached kids who got into Harvard, Stanford and Princeton—I recommend 5 'essential' books for raising successful kids
Walk into the parenting section of any bookstore and you will be bombarded by prescriptive books, old and new. It can be hard to parse which are worth reading. But over the last 10 years, as a coach to high-achieving high school students who have gotten into selective colleges like Harvard, Stanford and Princeton, I've come across a few that have been invaluable. These books, written by educators, scientists, journalists, and parents, have helped me better empathize with my students — and better support them and their parents in navigating competitive academic environments. I recommend five books for parents who want to raise highly successful "Never Enough," journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace explores modern toxic achievement culture and the problems it can lead to. The central issue is what she calls the "excessive pressure to excel." This undue stress negatively affects a child's health and emotional wellness. So how do you defend against that pressure and help your kids thrive? Wallace proposes constructive ways to circumvent this culture, whether it's tamping down on the anxiety you as a parent may inadvertently be creating, or building support systems for yourself and your kid. In "The Happiest Kids in the World," authors Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchison explore the facets of Dutch culture that contribute to The Netherlands consistently ranking as one of the happiest countries in the world for children. Acosta is Filipino-American and Hutchison is British. They are both married to Dutch men, and are raising their kids in the Netherlands, so they approached the topic from a uniquely cross-cultural perspective. What I like about this book is that while the authors focus on larger societal norms that are common in the Netherlands, they also share practical takeaways for parents, such as the value of letting kids be heard or of eating meals together as a way to bond. In "The Self-Driven Child," authors Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson — Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and professor at George Washington University School of Medicine, and Johnson, the founder of tutoring service PrepMatters — detail how parents can support their children in becoming more independent. Many parents would probably agree that they want to raise self-sufficient children, but they often see motivation as innate, as opposed to a trait that can be learned. This book corrects a lot of misconceptions about the use of incentives to motivate kids (e.g. compensating your kids for good grades is harmful in the long-term), highlights key pitfalls to avoid, and arms parents with evidence-based recommendations and conversation starters to help their kids build independence and resilience. "Who Gets In And Why" offers an illuminating look at college admissions in America. While researching the book, education reporter Jeff Selingo followed admissions officers at three top colleges to give a transparent account of how admissions decisions are really made. He explores how factors like geography, demonstrated interest, and the specific needs of a school can have an outsize influence on the acceptance or rejection of a student's application. With clarity, Selingo does a great job at helping parents understand the competing forces that make this process about so much more than just the merit of any one applicant: "College admissions is a constant balancing act," he writes, "to please the bosses, as well as other constituents — faculty, coaches, alumni, donors, and at public universities, politicians." "How to be a High School Superstar" was first published 15 years ago, but I find that it is more relevant today than ever. Author Cal Newport, now a professor of computer science at Georgetown University, shares tools to make college admissions less stressful for everyone involved. He offers strategies on how students can stand out, and none of them involve taking the most AP classes or getting the highest SAT scores. Instead, he recommends genuinely cultivating one's passions by going deep into one specific area of interest no matter how weird or niche. While written for high school students, it provides a valuable roadmap for parents as well.


New York Times
24-07-2025
- New York Times
The Relationship Advice Couples Counselors Swear By
Every relationship is unique — a delicate ecosystem influenced by partners' pasts, preferences and particular foibles. And yet therapists who spend their days talking to couples say they tend to see and hear the same issues come up again and again: Partners who struggle to reconnect after arguments; lose their sense of levity and play; or fall into patterns, without taking the time to understand them. We reached out to several couples therapists, with that in mind, to ask: What's one piece of advice you find yourself repeating? What's one relationship lesson you swear by? What's one truism you wish more couples understood? Here's what they told us. (Let us know what you think about the advice, and add your own in the comments.) 1. Managing your differences is crucial. Many factors determine whether a partnership is a happy one, but the central task of a relationship is learning to manage differences, according to Anthony Chambers, a psychologist and the chief academic officer of the Family Institute at Northwestern University. Dr. Chambers believes that getting good at managing differences — whether over daily annoyances, or bigger expectations, desires and communication preferences — boils down to three things: flexibility, curiosity and humility. Flexible couples 'approach interactions not with the perspective of trying to prove that they are right and their partner is wrong, but rather with the mind set of realizing there are multiple ways we can address our differences,' Dr. Chambers said, adding that partners 'need to keep in mind that there is a low correlation between being right and being happy!' Couples who are good at managing their inevitable differences tend to experience higher relationship satisfaction, he said. Couples who aren't, struggle. It's not the stuff of Hallmark cards, but it is foundational. 2. Bouncing back is a skill. Couples that argue can still be quite happy and connected if they are good at 'repair,' or reconnecting after conflict, said Lauren Fogel Mersy, a psychologist and sex therapist based in Minnesota, and the author of 'Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.' Repair is all about processing what happened and coming back from it in healthy, effective ways, she said. Her clients often take for granted that they are good at repair, but it is actually a skill people need to learn. Partners have different ways they like to regroup after a disagreement. For instance, do you generally like to take a cool-down break? Does physical touch tend to help or make things worse? Are your apologies genuine and effective? You and your partner might not necessarily need the same repair, but talking about your preferences in calmer moments can help foster understanding when conflict inevitably arises. 3. Feelings > facts. Proving that you're right might feel like a worthy and satisfying goal in the midst of a disagreement. But couples who get overly focused on facts can easily get stuck in an attack-defend pattern, said Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist in Illinois and the author of 'Loving Bravely.' It ultimately serves the relationship more to try to get curious about what your partner is feeling and why they might be viewing a particular situation so differently from you, she said. 'When we focus on the facts, we are primed for debate, it's me versus you,' Dr. Solomon explained. 'When we focus on the feelings, we're primed for dialogue.' 4. Taking turns is an overlooked skill. Parents and teachers spend a lot of time teaching young children how to take turns during playtime and conversation, but couples often forget that very basic skill, said Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Bozeman, Mont., and the author of 'Secure Love.' It sounds simple, but couples who neglect to take turns have a tendency to start talking over each other, Ms. Menanno said. 'Nobody's being heard. Nobody's listening. Everybody's taking the mic,' she said, adding that couples 'get stuck in whose needs matter more and who gets to hurt the most.' Every couple she works with has to learn or relearn how to take turns, Ms. Menanno said. Some basics: Look to have conversations when you're feeling calm and regulated, listen when your partner is speaking and paraphrase what you heard, asking if they want to elaborate. 5. Sliding and deciding are not the same thing. Galena Rhoades, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Denver and co-author of 'Fighting For Your Marriage' (the fourth edition), often reminds couples that there is a big difference between passively 'sliding' into circumstances — everything from how often you have sex to where you want to live — and proactively deciding what is right for the relationship. Dr. Rhoades has found that understanding the difference can be empowering to couples — a reminder that they can be more deliberate about issues big and small, even if they have been doing things a certain way for years. 'You don't have to stay on that kind of coasting trajectory where you're just sliding through things together,' she said. 'You can change your approach and be more intentional.' 6. Happy couples never stop playing together. Play and laughter can soothe the nervous system, helping you cope with stress and bring your best self to the relationship. Those activities can sometimes fizzle out over time between couples, said Stephen Mitchell, a psychotherapist in Denver and co-author of 'Too Tired to Fight.' 'People underestimate the power of humor in terms of helping couples feel connected and helping them work through challenging moments,' Dr. Mitchell said. He often urges his clients to look diligently for opportunities to have fun together. Small things can suffice: send a silly text, cultivate inside jokes or plan a surprise date. 7. You probably already know what to do. If you can get in touch with your genuine wants and needs, you may find the keys to improving your relationship, though it can take real courage to act on them. Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counselor in Portland, Ore., who runs the popular social media account Therapy Jeff, said that sometimes his job as a therapist is simply to reassure people searching for answers in a relationship that they already know the solution. 'You know if it's working or it's not working,' he said. 'You know what conversations you've been avoiding. You know what you're settling for.' It can help to ask yourself something like: If my best friend or son or daughter was in the situation I'm in now, what advice would I give? (Sometimes, he said, the answer might be: See a couples therapist.) 8. Working on your own stress is a boon for your partner. Going through a rocky stretch in your relationship likely adds stress to your life. But consider the flip side — if you're not managing the stress in your life, it is likely spilling over into your relationship. Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia and the author of the book ''Til Stress Do Us Part,' said that when partners don't work to mitigate their own stress, it can cause a relationship disconnect. You become irritable, withdrawn, short with each other. That can lead to more arguments or cause you each to retreat, creating greater emotional distance. Ms. Earnshaw teaches couples a system she calls the stress spillover system. Together, they make a list of stressors, then put them into three baskets: Those they can shed (stressors they can and likely should eliminate), those they can prevent (usually with more planning) and those they can neither avoid nor plan for better, and therefore simply must adapt to. 'When people are mismanaging their stress they are also more likely to become 'self focused,' which means they will think of their own needs and agenda more than their partner's,' she said.