Sinitta's heartache - 'I wanted to shut the world out'

Daily Mirror

10-05-2025

80s pop icon Sinitta opens up about her new lease of life at 61 – from surviving devastating miscarriages and finding joy in adoption her now teenage twins, and falling in love again
Pop star Sinitta, currently playing the formidable Mama Morton in Chicago The Musical , shot to fame as part of Stock Aitken Waterman's hit factory in the 80s. Becoming a household name with hits like So Macho, Toy Boy and GTO – she was Simon Cowell 's first recording star. In 2002, she married Andy Willner and after four months suffered multiple miscarriages followed by three failed attempts of IVF. In 2007, she adopted her two children, Zac and Magdalena, now 18.
Here, Sinitta, 61, opens up exclusively to OK! about how the love of her children helped her through dark days, comforting Simon the day they heard the devastating news of the death of Liam Payne, and her new mystery man…
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Hi, Sinitta! You've got an exciting new role in Chicago. Now that your kids are teens, were you keen to return to your first love of musical theatre?
Absolutely. I've turned down a lot of theatre jobs over the past few years. It just didn't feel fair to adopt two children, then be at the theatre every night. I would have missed out on bedtimes and bath times and their day-to-day life. I had such a difficult road to motherhood in the first place that I was determined to be there for them every morning. Now they're 18, they hardly have time for me. They are off doing their own thing, I guess just like I did when I was their age. So, I felt like I needed to get back to the work I adore – musical theatre. The very place I first started my career.
Do you remember the day you brought Zac and Magdalena home for the very first time?
It was extraordinary. I spent months filling out forms, going to interviews. Then suddenly, because they were very young, we were immediately given a date to pick them up. I met them two weeks before I walked out with them in my arms. It felt very strange, surreal – as if I were a stranger stealing children. They told me not to drive, in case I got disoriented having them in the car for the first time. They were right, because I nearly drove down a one-way street the wrong way. It goes without saying, it was a beautiful day and one I will never, ever forget.
That must have been ex tra special, after your previous heartbreak trying to have a baby?
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As I get older, I do tend to reflect on the sad things that happened in the past. Back then, I just pushed all the painful things to the back of my mind. I think, what would have happened if I had had those children that I lost through miscarriage? I then wouldn't have had Zac and Magdalena. So, I do think about that because when you go through something like a miscarriage it's so all-consuming at the time.
Was it one of the most difficult moments in your life?
Oh, it was hard to breathe. I wanted to curl up in a ball and shut the world out – so perhaps it's only natural those thoughts come back to haunt you, later. The day I adopted my kids I had a reason to live. It's not the British way to talk about things. When people asked how I was, I'd say, 'Oh, I'm fine.' You're too scared to say, well, as a matter of fact, I've just lost a child – in case people are horrified. Nowadays, it's different because people are prepared to discuss mental health. They are more understanding that we don't all live perfect lives.
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You first met Liam Payne on The X Factor when he first auditioned at the age of 14. Can you tell us about hearing the sad news of his death?
On the night it happened I had gone to bed early but left my phone on in the other room. I kept hearing it clicking with new messages. In the morning, I saw the messages and was in complete shock. I literally couldn't speak. It was like living through a nightmare. To me, he was still that little boy who made it all the way to Barbados [for The X Factor 's Judges' Houses] because he was determined to be on the show. Simon and I loved him and begged him to come back when he was 16 – which he did and ended up being the lead singer in One Direction. You never expect anyone younger than you to suddenly die. All I could think about was Cheryl [Tweedy, Liam's ex-girlfriend] and Bear [Liam's son with Cheryl].
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Did you speak to Simon that day?
Later that day I reached out to Simon, and he was absolutely devastated. I hadn't heard him so upset since his mum died. He sobbed down the phone to me. He couldn't contain his emotions – it was hard to know what to say to him. It was very brave of him to be able to go to the funeral and comfort Liam's parents.
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You made your name in the 1980s. How do you look back on your first single, So Macho, shooting to the top of the charts?
I recently starred in Now That's What I Call A Musical – all set in the 1980s, so I play myself. I dragged out all my original costumes, the white plaits (because my mother wouldn't allow me to bleach my hair!). All that made me think back to those early days. It was an extremely happy time in my life. I loved the innocence of that era. We didn't think the single would sell the way it did – but people were pre-ordering it at record shops, so Simon had to find another pressing plant to press more records overnight. In the end, we got to No2 in the charts and stayed there for weeks.
In 1985, in your early twenties, you starred with David Essex in the musical Mutiny. You went on to have an 18-month romance with him, didn't you?
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It was amazing. That was my breakout part. I was sharing the stage with West End royalty. And yes, David and I grew close and started dating. When I was young, all I dreamed of was doing musical films like Grease and Fame. When I first met Simon, I was doing Little Shop Of Horrors , and he came to see me in it – he became fascinated with musical theatre.
We know you have a new man in your life, too. Are you happy?
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I am in a happy place. I'd been happily single for eight years. In a way, lockdown was a blessing as I got to know myself and missed having a partner. I'd go walking and think, this would be nice if I had someone to walk beside me. So I joined some dating apps, which was a disaster because some blokes just thought I was a 'fake' Sinitta. Then I met someone lovely – but didn't immediately think was right for me as he wasn't my usual type. But that was part of the magic. He's a lovely, normal person who makes me laugh. So, at last I think, I have found someone I can love.