Every day, I feel extremely grateful that I am trans
Dear Little Beck,
You don't even know that's your name yet. Officially anyway. I wanted to write a perfect letter to you, but now I figured I would write from the heart, and that will be meaningful enough.
I know sometimes you feel alone, like the only person like you in the world. At the same time, you are fierce, and don't seem to care that you march to the beat of your own drum. You know that you are a boy, or something like it. You don't know yet that you can exist beyond the gender binary and the societal 'rules' you've been taught.
Or do you? On second thought, I think even without the words, the vocabulary, the knowledge that anyone like you exists, you are courageous to live authentically as exactly who you are.
As a grown version of you, I am so damn impressed that you are able to do this. I think you had more courage, tenacity, confidence, and self-knowledge at seven years old than I did in my late 20s coming out for the second time. You came out so young before you even knew was trans was, what non-binary was, what queer was.
And you are a beautiful little light.
Inside you is a pilot light that will always burn bright, and will never diminish no matter what you go through.
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As you evolve this light will be the constant true deep essence of you. And you'll get a tattoo of that one day. (I'm still waiting on it, but I promise you you'll get it)
You're going to hear things as you go along. You're going to deeply internalise them. But you will unlearn them. You'll hear the way they describe trans people.
Pride and Joy is a series spotlighting the first-person positive, affirming and joyful stories of transgender, non-binary, gender fluid and gender non-conforming people. Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch by emailing James.Besanvalle@metro.co.uk
You'll internalise the idea that there is something wrong with these people. That androgyny is gross. That to be this way is undesirable and will leave you alone and unloved.
But then you'll learn this isn't true. You will be loved by incredible people who you love deeply back. You'll be lucky to find your soulmate in college, at the young age of 21. You'll learn the power of love when you transition in your marriage several years later, and your soulmate is still there. Still loves you so deeply.
You'll find just how empowering and attractive these traits actually are.
You'll find the most amazing community. In the trans community (yes, can you believe there are that many of us??) you'll be among people who lift one another up, keep an open mind and heart. People who do not compete, but instead embrace and support. People who have an incredible perspective on life.
People who have had to fight like you to be who they are. And you'll surround yourselves with this rich abundance.
For letters like Beck's and many more, you can buy a copy of Letter To My Little Trans Self here
You'll feel such a weight lifted when you realise for the first time you don't have to fight so hard, to struggle to get dressed every day, to question how you sound, sit, move, look like. Are your hands too manly? Your voice too deep?
The parts of you that you banished and hid and carried shame with will become your favourite parts of yourself. And the world will learn. The world will slowly change. You as an actor and artist will evolve in ways you never knew.
This sudden comfort of living in alignment for the first time in many years. It will impact your art and your life.
And maybe even more surprising, you will get to positively impact other people. Inspire them through being authentic in who you are, through your art, through your love and friendship. You'll help others get the gender affirming care they need. You will make a difference.
It's not an easy road, but damn, it's a gorgeous one. You will be grateful every day that you are trans. You will embrace and hold immense gratitude for everything you are and who you have become, and for the beautifully unique lens for which you get to experience the world and life.
You have walked among many crowds, lived as different genders, presented in different ways. You will hold the beauty of being socialised one way and navigating another. More Trending
You will decide to be exactly who you want to be, because you will no longer be shackled by societal norms.
Not everyone gets to do this. You are lucky. You are beautiful. You are going to thrive.
Keep going kid, you're awesome.
With love,
Bigger Beck (Who, to be frank, you would find to be really f**king cool)
Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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