I delayed retiring for years. My husband's heart attack taught me we could not take time for granted.

Business Insider

15 hours ago

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kim Hunter-Borst, 57, a healthcare professional based in New York City. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My husband and I got married when we were a bit older. I was 42 and he was 49, and he had two children already. I saw my role in our family as the person who brought in all the fun. We just lived life thinking there was always a paycheck coming around the corner.
I work in healthcare and always thought my job was recession-proof. But when I had to lay off people in 2016, I realized that we had no financial cushion if my husband and I were to lose our jobs. We were both earning well, but somehow, we were living paycheck to paycheck, something that feels so normal in American culture.
I was embarrassed to say we messed up
After the layoffs, I audited our finances and saw that we were $69,000 in debt. Our oldest kid was ready to go to college, and losing our jobs would mean tapping into our savings to pay for it. I had about $219,000 in savings because someone early in my career advised me to put 3% in my 401(k). My husband, who had been divorced and raising kids on his own, had $17,000 in savings. I didn't want to live with that anxiety and wanted to be debt-free and credit-card-free.
We were in our forties and in good careers. It felt embarrassing to admit to others that we had messed up and were in debt. I'm not ashamed of it now, but we used to make excuses about missing vacations with friends instead of simply saying that the trip wasn't in our budget.
We started eliminating things like unnecessary cable TV, switched to a cheaper cellphone carrier, and stopped going to Target unnecessarily.
We paid off our debt in about two years by 2018, and began looking for what we'd do with our money moving forward. I found the financial independence community one day while I was online and learned about different types of investing.
We realized that what worked best for us was to keep investing in our 401(k)s and pensions. Every time we got a raise, we'd ask if there was anything we were unsatisfied with that the money could help pay for. The answer was always no, and we always just invested the extra amount.
I was delaying retirement
By 2021, we felt like we had enough to retire. But I was delaying quitting my job one year at a time, because it was hard to imagine a paycheck not coming in. I was also trapped in golden handcuffs: I got promoted or got a raise every time I decided to walk away.
I knew my family would look at me like I was crazy if I told them I was leaving $200,000 a year behind. I also attached my work to my identity.
Around this time, my husband told me that I had my job and a bunch of other commitments in front of me and that he felt like my fourth priority. In 2023, he had a serious heart attack. When I was waiting in the hospital, his words stayed with me, and I realized that this isn't what I want him to believe if he's not coming back to me.
Quitting wasn't easy
If my husband had died, I would've missed the opportunity to really be with him without work, without all that other stuff going on. When he made it through, I told him we're retiring.
Still, it took me a whole year to tell my company. I ran my numbers and every worst-case scenario with a friend, and I spent some time thinking about who I was outside my job.
Once I settled on the idea that I was a mom and wife before I was a strategist, things fell into place. Since March, I've been loud and excited about my retirement, which starts at the end of this month, close to my 58th birthday.
Now that I'll have more time, I've started my own financial planning retreats for women. I'm planning more neighborhood events, and we have a lot of travel booked.
I want to be able to not set an alarm and do what I want to do, at least for a little while.