'Wathint' abafazi': New research shows 90% of SA women believe ‘softness is strength'

The Herald

2 days ago

As South Africa celebrates Women's Day on Saturday commemorating the historic 1956 march by more than 20,000 women to the Union Buildings to protest against apartheid pass laws, new research reveals that the country's women are reframing what it means to be powerful.
The Her and Now: Insights into the Women of South Africa 2025 report by First for Women shows a remarkable shift as 90% of women now agree that 'softness and gentleness are forms of strength', while 94% say 'balance is more valuable than ambition'.
'South African women are redefining what it means to be powerful. In a world that demands constant productivity and resilience, more women are choosing a different path. A path where softness becomes strength, where saying no is an act of self-preservation, and where living fearlessly means protecting what matters most,' the report said.
The study, which surveyed more than 4,000 women, found that 44% strongly agree that softness itself is a form of strength, while 58% strongly agree that 'the right to exhale is as important as the drive to achieve'. Half of women strongly agree that they long for quiet moments that belong solely to themselves.
Dr Reitumetse Mpholle, senior manager of insights and research initiatives at First for Women, said the research began with one key question of whether fearless is still the right approach.
'When we kicked off the year, we were very aware that we're not necessarily where we want to be in terms of understanding our women. If we are going to say we are first for women, we have to be on top of where women are at, what keeps them up at night, and their experiences,' she said.
'So we partnered with an external research company to get deep qualitative insights. We wanted to know: where are you? What do you want? What's your next,' she said.
Mpholle said the findings painted a complex picture. 'Some of the big nuggets that came out are around this power dynamic. We are strong and want to look strong, but it's coming at a cost. Every day we show up as such at work, but when we get home we have to adjust. It's killing us on the inside to constantly look perfect, be the best mom, be the best professional, be the best daughter,' said Mpholle.
Mpholle said another key theme was the emotional toll of traditional gender roles.
'At work, I'm in control, but then when I get home, I have to adjust to fit into traditional norms,' she said. One of the most sobering statistics in the report was that only 6% of women felt comfortable going outside at night and 90% are too afraid to be home alone.
'In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, safety is basic but many South African women say that's not even possible here. Our environment is inherently designed to not allow us to succeed. So how do you thrive when your most basic level of need is not met?'
The research shows that 65% of mothers strongly agree that the expectation to 'keep it together' is more intense once they have children and 60.7% say they sacrifice their own needs to maintain family stability.
The report showed that daily life for many feels like 'a multitasking marathon' as: 34% feel emotionally drained every day.
33% say they're praised for resilience while feeling overwhelmed.
43% strongly agree they rarely get uninterrupted time for themselves.
63% feel like the 'backbone' of both work and family daily.
44% feel unsupported despite being strong for others.
'Empowerment is real, but so is the burnout. Strength is often mistaken for wellness,' the report said. The research also highlighted a cultural shift in how women relate to one another.
'About 10 years ago there was this 'pull her down' syndrome, your biggest hater is the woman next to you. Now, we're seeing our biggest supporters are women. I might not be your mom, but I support moms. I might not be married, but I support married women. For the first time, we're on the same page irrespective of age, sexuality or life stage,' said Mpholle
This is giving rise to a new 'girl's girl' phenomenon rooted not just in friendship but in solidarity through small, intentional acts: encouragement in doubt, kindness in struggle and showing up when needed. The report finds that for many women, success has shifted from relentless ambition to purposeful balance.
'In a world that demands so much, softness has become a quiet form of rebellion. Power is being redefined not as striving, but as stillness. Not as noise, but as peace. The fantasy isn't wealth or escape, but a quiet morning, a walk on the beach, a bath without interruption,' said the report.
The report revealed that 94% regularly encourage other women while 97% show up for other women, even when it's difficult.
For these women, joy is not a luxury it's scheduled, ritualised and protected. Saying 'no' is not defiance but preservation.
'We're no longer asking you to be fearless. And that's OK. For the times when you can't be strong, we're here for you. We're saying you don't have to be everything, every time, to everyone,' said Mpholle.
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