Miliband's climate statement not so much historic as histrionic
'The UK's climate is getting hotter and wetter,' ranted Ed. 'Thank God there's somebody in this chamber trying to save the planet!' squealed Stella Creasy. She can probably thank the whips there was anyone in it at all. A few sad sacks with nowt better to do congratulated the Environment Secretary for putting solar panels on school halls, gyms, even on the pupils – but this was a subject Ed would've been quite happy to talk about all by himself. Indeed I'm told by concerned members of staff that he frequently does.
'I notice there are young people sitting in the gallery,' he observed emotionally, thinking of all the rain they'll have to endure: 'future generations who have genuine anxiety about what world they're going to inherit.' One of the teenagers had a green mohawk. I felt more anxiety about meeting him down a dark alley than he's probably ever felt about coastal erosion.
If the kids looked bored, who are we to judge? Labour plays its eco card by a tedious script. Appeal to bipartisanship, 'this is not a party political matter', then call anyone who asks questions a Right-wing crank. The Tories requested a costing for net zero; Miliband denounced them as 'anti-science… anti-jobs and anti-energy security.' This wasn't historic so much as histrionic, though at least Ed believes what he says.
Even fewer MPs turned out to hear Yvette say what she doesn't, i.e. that borders are sacrosanct and illegal crossings unwelcome. For this Home Office statement I counted only 17 Labour MPs, 18 if you include Angela Eagle's massive handbag. Black and bulging, it looked as if she had dismembered a corpse and was looking for a place to dispose of it. In the Thames, perhaps? That would be illegal. Labour nabs serial killers for littering.
Cooper is proud of the 'one-in, one-out' deal Britain has negotiated with France, along with a special offer on magic beans. It shows that 'treating other people with respect can result in positive action,' said Clive Efford. It also shows what you can get if you pay over the odds.
Under this arrangement, if Britain returns a person who came by boat, France will deliver us a legitimate refugee – akin to rewarding a family who fends off a burglar by sending a complete stranger to live in their house. The public isn't interested in such reciprocity. They want lower numbers.
Tory Chris Philp, who had an unsightly stain on his tie, accused Cooper of 'sounding rather pleased with herself' – but was dead wrong. She sounded exhausted. One year in, Labour is worn down. Perhaps its sole achievement is to liberalise attitudes towards recreational drugs. Lib Dem Josh Babarinde asked the Government if it could help tidy the verges of Eastbourne and 'make our grass great again!'.
Never mind mowing it, I'd be tempted to smoke it. I wondered if Master Mohawk knew where to score some Eastbourne Kush.
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