'HR asked me about my family— Is this a job interview or personal audit?' Jobseeker asks
Recently, a Reddit user shared an experience that triggered an animated conversation: 'I had an interview with HR. She asked about my family situation, and I foolishly told her everything. Now that I think back, why did she want to know this? Is she even allowed to ask? Do companies pay people with [more kids?]'
That one post opened the floodgates for stories and views from others who have faced the same awkward situation. What they shared revealed a troubling picture of hiring practices that still seem outdated. A red flag wrapped in small talk?
At first glance, a question about your family might seem like innocent small talk. However, as one commenter noted, it's often a strategic probe in disguise: 'Red flag — interviewers should not ask about family matters. If it's directly related to the job, it seems appropriate.'
Another commenter bluntly added: 'They want to know if the employees will be willing to work overtime because they don't have family. I am my own family.'
The implication is clear. These questions may not aim to get to know you better; instead, they could be subtle tests to evaluate your availability, stability, or even your likelihood of needing parental leave. The cold calculus behind 'family-friendly'
Despite government efforts to promote more family-friendly workplaces, many comments made it clear that numerous companies remain cautious about anything that might disrupt constant productivity, including employees with caregiving responsibilities.
One commenter didn't hold back: 'To employers, paying women who give birth is not something they appreciate. From their perspective, they're paying someone who isn't working. Historically, they've pressured expecting women to quit to avoid payment.'
They elaborated, illustrating the harsh logic some employers apply when making hiring choices:
'Imagine you're choosing between two similar recent graduates. One has a supportive, stable family. The other has to care for a sick mother, faces abuse from an alcoholic father, and teaches younger siblings. Which one, in their eyes, is more likely to focus on work?' Even HR professionals are tired of it
Some people in HR also voiced out annoyance with obsolete hiring practices. 'I don't ask. The only reason I would is to ease the candidate's nervousness. But I know red-flag companies ask foolish questions like 'When are you planning to start a family?'… Even as part of HR, I roll my eyes at this old-fashioned mindset.'
Another shared her own surreal interview experience: 'I had an interview in the past where they asked me why I needed to go home after work when I inquired about overtime. I just said I had things to do, and the interviewer looked at me with disdain. God forbid people have lives outside of work.' What's the real motive?
So, why do some companies pry into your personal life during interviews?
One answer stood out: 'Businesses and HR are not here just to help you. They want the best performance for the least risk. Knowing your family and home situation is beneficial to them, not you.'
In other words, if a question feels too personal or inappropriate, it probably is. It's not about helping you find a good fit; it's about their screening for potential risks.
In many countries and workplaces, inquiries about marital standing, children, or family plans are seen as inappropriate, and occasionally, even prohibited, under anti-discrimination regulations. But applying these rubrics can be complicated. Much relies on local labour laws, the way a question is framed, and how it's answered. You don't owe them your story
If you're going into an interview, remember this: You are not required to share personal information unrelated to the job. It's fine to respectfully steer the conversation away from these topics or decline to answer.
You are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you. If a company's first move is to pry into your private life under the cover of friendliness, think about whether that's a place where you want to invest your time and energy.
After all, everyone deserves to work somewhere that appreciates them for their skills, not their family situation.
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