How I learnt to be 'helpless' at work – and how I'm unlearning it now
Then, as the ideas were presented, others in the team – myself included – responded only by shooting them down with lines like, "Oh, I don't think management will like that".
At lunch afterwards, the colleague confided that it felt "gross" to watch us filter everything only through the lens of the higher-ups' approval.
I instantly realised that they were right. We'd been conditioned by rejection to only pitch what might slip through, not what we believed would work.
Many write this off as low morale. That is why burnout rates are higher than ever, they'll say.
But there's a difference between "low morale" and learned helplessness, which is a more insidious phenomenon where we internalise our limits so much that we forget we ever had any agency at all.
WHAT 'HELPLESSNESS' LOOKS LIKE
The term "learned helplessness" was first coined by American psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven F Maier in the 1960s to describe the lack of motivation or sense of powerlessness we experience when we believe we have no control over our environment or situation due to repeated exposure to uncontrollable events.
This isn't just about how we feel. It fundamentally rewires how we perceive and understand our roles in the workplace.
Recent survey data shows that unhappiness with a superior or colleague, lack of career advancement, and lack of autonomy are among the top reasons why Gen Z workers in Singapore are quitting their jobs.
These are not just surface-level complaints – they reflect a deeper problem of feeling boxed in, undervalued or silenced.
I had a colleague who was creative and sharp, always buzzing with thoughtful ideas and genuine care for the work to be done.
I deeply admired my colleague's enthusiasm but over time, after getting pitches and proposals shot down time and again, that energy faded.
The colleague spoke up less and eventually said: "I had to force myself to get up and go to work every day."
The problem isn't apathy – it's often the opposite.
We care, but some of us have been taught that caring gets either punished or ignored. So we recalibrate, retreating into silence or safe mediocrity.
We stop pitching or volunteering for projects that once excited us.
We nod through meetings instead of speaking and agree to everything instead of debating and questioning.
More often as time goes by, we start hearing and using phrases like these: "There's no point", "They won't let us" or "We've tried that already".
If trying is always a losing game, why bother playing at all?
HOW DO WE BECOME 'HELPLESS'?
Learned helplessness doesn't appear out of nowhere. It is cultivated, usually by a combination of systemic patterns that wear us down over time.
One of the biggest culprits: micromanagement.
When our leaders consistently override our decisions or scrutinise our every move, we stop taking initiative.
I've been in workplaces where, after having my suggestions dismissed enough times, I stopped offering them altogether. I started waiting on my bosses for directions on everything.
They got tired of it after a while and scolded me: "I hired you for this. You should be the one giving me the answers." Yet, despite their words, their actions continued to signal to me that my initiative was not wanted.
Next: absence of ownership.
When we have no real say in our work or how it is executed, emotional investment fades. Tasks become chores instead of contributions.
I've seen managers hired to make executive decisions wind up silenced and sidelined by direct superiors with no background in the area they were overseeing.
And when those superiors' strategies failed – as the managers predicted – it was the managers who were put on the chopping block.
This leads to another problem: punitive leadership.
I once spent a few nights staying late after work – uncompensated – to organise an event for the company, even though it was technically outside my job scope. Later, I was told the event didn't succeed because I "didn't want to work hard".
If every mistake leads to blame instead of learning, we quickly grow risk-averse.
Why bother going out on a limb when no one is willing to provide us with a safety net below?
UNLEARNING LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
Learned helplessness cannot be solved with a mental health day or a team lunch. It is a systemic issue that requires structural repair.
That responsibility must start at the top. However, employees aren't powerless either.
1. Start with boundaries
Both leaders and staff members should be well-versed in boundaries. That clarity is the first line of protection for both parties.
Are we respecting the terms laid out in our employment contracts, such as working hours, role definitions, and rest periods? Or are we glorifying burnout and unpaid overtime as "loyalty" or "commitment"?
Leaders should know when they are demanding too much of their teams, and workers should recognise when they are being handed responsibilities that don't belong to them.
2. Offer pathways, not just blocks
Both bosses and workers need to create a culture where pushback isn't punished.
We say we want input and feedback, but how do we respond to them? Are we simply saying "no" to save ourselves the effort of trying?
Do we strive to make our criticism constructive, rather than restrictive or destructive? This isn't about softening the truth – it's about communicating it in a way that encourages discussion and collaboration instead of shutting it down altogether.
Don't just say: "This doesn't make sense." Explain why.
Instead of "This is ugly" or "That's dumb", say: "Here's what needs to be adjusted before it could work."
3. Praise good effort
I once worked with a senior colleague who started every quarterly meeting with a segment recognising and celebrating good work from team members.
Even projects that didn't hit their numbers were spotlighted if the thinking and execution behind them were strong.
The result was undeniable: Team members consistently felt appreciated and were motivated to work harder and think bigger.
And no, I'm not saying bosses should baby their staff members. A simple "good work on that" can go a long way in showing employees that their efforts matter.
Appreciation doesn't only have to flow downwards. Teammates can celebrate each other's small wins and give and share credit generously.
Can we ever build a real culture of gratitude if we only clap for each other when we're told to do so?
MAKE EFFORT VALUABLE AGAIN
In this day and age, where artificial intelligence and other developments are putting more jobs at risk, we must rethink our roles in the workplace.
Are we here to mindlessly check off items on a to-do list? Or are we thinking and feeling beings with more to offer than our Excel skills?
As for myself, I'm making it a point to self-audit more frequently:
Have I been feeling disengaged, tired or uncharacteristically disinterested in speaking up at work?
How are my ideas, energy and initiative received? Do I feel like I can make a difference?
If not, are there ways I can do better, whether as a leader, a team member or an individual?
Learned helplessness may be dragging us down, but we can still unlearn it.
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