Latest news with #learnedhelplessness
Yahoo
01-08-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Signs Someone Is Incapable Of Being Happy
Happiness is something many people strive for, yet it remains elusive for some. It's not about having a perfect life, but rather finding contentment in everyday moments. If you've ever wondered why some people seem perpetually unhappy, there might be deeper reasons at play. Here are 15 signs that someone might be unable to find happiness, and maybe you'll see some familiar behaviors or patterns. Remember, understanding these signs isn't about judging people, but about recognizing patterns that can help guide towards positive changes. 1. They Constantly Focus On The Negative Some people have a knack for finding the cloud in every silver lining. They dive headfirst into negativity, unable to appreciate the positive aspects of life. This behavior can stem from a natural inclination towards pessimism or negative thinking patterns. Dr. Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes that a consistent negative outlook may be linked to learned helplessness, where people believe they have no control over their circumstances. Over time, this mindset can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, where expecting bad things to happen makes it harder to recognize or enjoy the good. When negativity becomes the default setting, it impacts not just their mood but their relationships and opportunities. People who focus on the negative may inadvertently push others away, finding themselves isolated and reinforcing their unhappiness. Their conversations often revolve around complaints, and they may dismiss any attempts to view situations positively. This constant negativity can become exhausting, making it hard for them to maintain fulfilling connections. It's crucial to recognize that this behavior can be changed with effort and awareness. 2. They Avoid Emotional Vulnerability The fear of opening up emotionally can be a significant barrier to happiness. People who avoid vulnerability often do so out of fear of rejection or judgment. They may believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness or that others will not respond positively. This fear creates a barrier that prevents them from forming deep and meaningful relationships, which are vital for happiness. By avoiding vulnerability, they miss out on the support and understanding that comes from sharing emotions with others. Not only do they keep emotions bottled up, but they may also struggle to understand their feelings. This lack of emotional insight can lead to confusion and frustration, making it hard to identify what truly brings joy. The reluctance to delve into their emotions means they miss the opportunity to process and move past negative experiences. Over time, this can lead to a buildup of unresolved emotions that weigh heavily on their overall mood. Encouraging emotional vulnerability can be a crucial step towards achieving genuine happiness and contentment. 3. They Always Compares Themselves To Others In a world driven by social media, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison. People who constantly measure their worth against others often feel inadequate and dissatisfied with their own lives. This behavior is exacerbated by platforms like Instagram and Facebook, where everyone's life appears perfect. Research by Dr. Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan highlights how excessive social media use can lead to feelings of envy and a decrease in life satisfaction. Instead of focusing on their journey, they get caught up in others' highlight reels, which can be detrimental to their self-esteem. Constant comparisons can lead to a never-ending cycle of self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy. When people fixate on what others have, they lose sight of their achievements and blessings. This mindset prevents them from appreciating their progress and can make it difficult to set realistic personal goals. By constantly looking outward, they miss the opportunity to find contentment in their circumstances. Breaking free from this cycle involves cultivating gratitude and focusing on personal growth instead of external validation. 4. They Resist Change And Growth Happiness often requires a willingness to change and grow, but some people resist this process. They cling to routines and familiar patterns, even if they're not particularly fulfilling. This resistance can stem from fear of the unknown or discomfort with uncertainty. Change requires stepping out of comfort zones, and for some, the idea of doing so is overwhelming. They may convince themselves that their current situation is 'good enough,' even if it leaves them unsatisfied. Resisting change can lead to stagnation, where progress seems impossible. People who are unwilling to evolve may miss out on opportunities for personal development and enrichment. This mindset can also affect their relationships, as they may struggle to adapt to changes in others. Growth is an essential aspect of life, and those who refuse to embrace it may find themselves stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction. Overcoming this resistance involves challenging fears and embracing the possibilities that change can bring. 5. They Chase Perfectionism, Not Happiness Perfectionism can be a significant barrier to happiness, as the pursuit of flawlessness is often unattainable. People who strive for perfection set unrealistic standards for themselves and others. This behavior can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, as nothing ever feels good enough. According to Dr. Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, perfectionism is often driven by a fear of judgment or failure, causing people to hide behind a façade of perfection. This constant pressure can leave them feeling exhausted and unfulfilled. Perfectionism doesn't just affect how they view themselves but also impacts their interactions with others. They may hold others to the same unattainable standards, leading to frustration and strained relationships. This mindset can create a fear of taking risks or trying new things, as they worry about not measuring up. To combat perfectionism, it's essential to focus on progress over perfection, embracing imperfections as part of the human experience. By letting go of the need for everything to be perfect, they open themselves up to genuine happiness. 6. They Hold Onto Grudges Forever Holding onto grudges can be a significant roadblock to happiness. People who struggle to forgive often find themselves weighed down by resentment and anger. This behavior keeps them tied to past grievances, making it difficult to move forward. By refusing to let go, they give power to those who have wronged them, allowing past events to dictate their present emotions. Grudges can cloud their perspective, making it hard to see the positive aspects of life. The inability to forgive doesn't just affect them but can also impact their relationships. Those who hold grudges may struggle to trust others or let new people into their lives. This mindset creates a barrier to forming meaningful connections, which are vital for happiness. Over time, the weight of grudges can lead to loneliness and isolation. Learning to forgive and let go can be liberating, paving the way for healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life. 7. They Have No Real Purpose Or Direction People who lack a sense of purpose often find it challenging to achieve happiness. Without clear goals or direction, life can feel aimless and unfulfilling. This absence of purpose can lead to a feeling of being stuck or lost, unsure of what steps to take next. Dr. Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, emphasized the importance of finding meaning in life as a pathway to true fulfillment. Without a sense of purpose, people may struggle to find motivation or joy in everyday activities. The lack of direction can also contribute to feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction. People might go through the motions, but without a deeper sense of meaning, their actions can feel hollow. This can affect their work, relationships, and overall well-being, as they may lack the drive to pursue new opportunities. Finding purpose involves identifying passions and interests that bring joy and fulfillment. By aligning actions with personal values, people can create a more meaningful and satisfying life. 8. Their Fear Of Failure Keeps Them Up At Night Fear of failure is a common barrier to happiness, as it keeps people from pursuing their dreams. Those who fear failure often avoid taking risks or trying new things. They may worry about the judgment of others or the possibility of making mistakes. This fear can lead to a stagnant lifestyle, where opportunities for growth and success are missed. By constantly playing it safe, they limit their potential and hinder personal development. The fear of failure can also affect their self-esteem and confidence. People who avoid failure may struggle to believe in their abilities, leading to a cycle of self-doubt. This mindset can prevent them from setting ambitious goals or pursuing passions, as they fear falling short. Overcoming this fear involves reframing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback. By embracing mistakes as part of the journey, they can build resilience and find happiness in the process of growth. 9. They're Mean To Others And Themselves People who lack self-compassion often find it difficult to be happy, as they are their harshest critics. They might dwell on their mistakes or imperfections, struggling to forgive themselves. This self-criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Without self-compassion, it's challenging to practice self-care or prioritize well-being. They may feel undeserving of happiness, creating a barrier to finding joy. A lack of self-compassion can also impact their mental health, leading to increased stress and anxiety. These feelings can contribute to a negative self-image, making it harder to form positive relationships. People who struggle with self-compassion might also avoid seeking help or support, feeling they must handle everything on their own. Cultivating self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes. By practicing self-care and self-love, they can open the door to greater happiness and fulfillment. 10. They Engage In Self-Sabotage Self-sabotage is a behavior where people undermine their success or happiness, often unconsciously. This can include procrastination, setting unrealistic goals, or engaging in harmful habits. Self-sabotage might stem from a fear of success or a belief that they don't deserve happiness. These behaviors can prevent them from achieving their goals, leading to frustration and disappointment. By getting in their own way, they limit their potential and hinder personal growth. Self-sabotage doesn't just affect their personal life but can also impact professional success. They may miss out on opportunities or struggle to advance in their career due to self-destructive behaviors. This cycle of self-sabotage can lead to feelings of helplessness and a belief that change is impossible. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards making positive changes. By challenging negative beliefs and setting realistic goals, they can break free from self-sabotage and find greater happiness. 11. They Struggle To Set Boundaries People who struggle with setting boundaries may find it difficult to achieve happiness. They might say yes to everything, even at their own expense, leading to burnout and resentment. This lack of boundaries can stem from a desire to please others or fear of confrontation. Without clear boundaries, they may feel overwhelmed and undervalued, as their needs are constantly sidelined. This can lead to feelings of being taken advantage of, impacting their mental and emotional well-being. On the flip side, some people might set overly rigid boundaries, isolating themselves and pushing others away. This can stem from a fear of vulnerability or past experiences where they've been hurt. Both extremes can hinder personal and relational fulfillment, making it challenging to find happiness. Healthy boundaries are crucial for maintaining balance and protecting one's well-being. By learning to set and communicate boundaries effectively, they can create healthier relationships and find greater happiness. 12. They Can't Move On From The Past Dwelling on past mistakes or experiences can prevent people from finding happiness in the present. Those who are stuck in the past often replay events, unable to let go or move forward. This behavior can be linked to unresolved emotions or a lack of closure. By focusing on the past, they miss opportunities for growth and happiness in the present. This mindset can lead to feelings of regret or sadness, clouding their ability to enjoy life. Being stuck in the past affects not just their mood but also their relationships. They might struggle to form meaningful connections, as they're preoccupied with previous experiences. This can create a barrier to trust and intimacy, preventing them from building fulfilling relationships. Letting go of the past involves processing emotions and finding closure, allowing space for new experiences. By embracing the present and focusing on the future, they can find greater happiness and fulfillment. 13. They Lack A Sense Of Gratitude Gratitude is a powerful tool for happiness, but those who lack it often struggle to find contentment. People who don't practice gratitude may focus on what they lack, rather than appreciating what they have. This mindset can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and a constant desire for more. Without gratitude, it's challenging to find joy in everyday moments or recognize the blessings in life. This lack of appreciation can impact their relationships, as they may take others for granted. Cultivating gratitude involves shifting focus from scarcity to abundance, recognizing the positives in life. Those who practice gratitude often experience increased happiness and improved mental health. It can also enhance relationships, as expressing gratitude fosters connection and appreciation. By making gratitude a habit, people can change their perspective and find greater fulfillment. Embracing gratitude opens the door to a more positive and joyful life. 14. They're Overwhelmed By Stress Chronic stress can be a significant barrier to happiness, as it affects both mental and physical health. People who are constantly overwhelmed by stress might struggle to find joy or relaxation. This stress can stem from various sources, including work, relationships, or personal challenges. When stress becomes unmanageable, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. This overwhelming pressure makes it difficult to enjoy life's pleasures or find fulfillment. Managing stress involves identifying its sources and implementing coping strategies. People who prioritize stress management often experience improved well-being and greater happiness. This can include practices such as mindfulness, exercise, or seeking support from friends or professionals. By reducing stress, they can create space for joy and relaxation, improving their quality of life. Embracing a balanced lifestyle is key to overcoming stress and achieving happiness. 15. They Look For Validation In The Wrong Places Relying on external validation for happiness can be a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction. People who seek approval from others often place their self-worth in external opinions. This behavior can lead to a lack of confidence, as they depend on others for validation. Without internal validation, it's challenging to find genuine happiness or self-acceptance. This constant need for approval can impact relationships, as it may come across as needy or insecure. True happiness comes from within, from self-acceptance and self-confidence. Cultivating internal validation involves recognizing personal worth and embracing authenticity. By focusing on self-love and self-compassion, people can reduce their reliance on external approval. This shift can lead to improved self-esteem and more fulfilling relationships. Embracing internal validation opens the door to greater happiness and contentment. Solve the daily Crossword
CNA
12-07-2025
- General
- CNA
How I learnt to be 'helpless' at work – and how I'm unlearning it now
A few months ago, a new colleague came into a meeting prepared with fresh, thoughtful ideas for improving user acquisition. Then, as the ideas were presented, others in the team – myself included – responded only by shooting them down with lines like, "Oh, I don't think management will like that". At lunch afterwards, the colleague confided that it felt "gross" to watch us filter everything only through the lens of the higher-ups' approval. I instantly realised that they were right. We'd been conditioned by rejection to only pitch what might slip through, not what we believed would work. Many write this off as low morale. That is why burnout rates are higher than ever, they'll say. But there's a difference between "low morale" and learned helplessness, which is a more insidious phenomenon where we internalise our limits so much that we forget we ever had any agency at all. WHAT 'HELPLESSNESS' LOOKS LIKE The term "learned helplessness" was first coined by American psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven F Maier in the 1960s to describe the lack of motivation or sense of powerlessness we experience when we believe we have no control over our environment or situation due to repeated exposure to uncontrollable events. This isn't just about how we feel. It fundamentally rewires how we perceive and understand our roles in the workplace. Recent survey data shows that unhappiness with a superior or colleague, lack of career advancement, and lack of autonomy are among the top reasons why Gen Z workers in Singapore are quitting their jobs. These are not just surface-level complaints – they reflect a deeper problem of feeling boxed in, undervalued or silenced. I had a colleague who was creative and sharp, always buzzing with thoughtful ideas and genuine care for the work to be done. I deeply admired my colleague's enthusiasm but over time, after getting pitches and proposals shot down time and again, that energy faded. The colleague spoke up less and eventually said: "I had to force myself to get up and go to work every day." The problem isn't apathy – it's often the opposite. We care, but some of us have been taught that caring gets either punished or ignored. So we recalibrate, retreating into silence or safe mediocrity. We stop pitching or volunteering for projects that once excited us. We nod through meetings instead of speaking and agree to everything instead of debating and questioning. More often as time goes by, we start hearing and using phrases like these: "There's no point", "They won't let us" or "We've tried that already". If trying is always a losing game, why bother playing at all? HOW DO WE BECOME 'HELPLESS'? Learned helplessness doesn't appear out of nowhere. It is cultivated, usually by a combination of systemic patterns that wear us down over time. One of the biggest culprits: micromanagement. When our leaders consistently override our decisions or scrutinise our every move, we stop taking initiative. I've been in workplaces where, after having my suggestions dismissed enough times, I stopped offering them altogether. I started waiting on my bosses for directions on everything. They got tired of it after a while and scolded me: "I hired you for this. You should be the one giving me the answers." Yet, despite their words, their actions continued to signal to me that my initiative was not wanted. Next: absence of ownership. When we have no real say in our work or how it is executed, emotional investment fades. Tasks become chores instead of contributions. I've seen managers hired to make executive decisions wind up silenced and sidelined by direct superiors with no background in the area they were overseeing. And when those superiors' strategies failed – as the managers predicted – it was the managers who were put on the chopping block. This leads to another problem: punitive leadership. I once spent a few nights staying late after work – uncompensated – to organise an event for the company, even though it was technically outside my job scope. Later, I was told the event didn't succeed because I "didn't want to work hard". If every mistake leads to blame instead of learning, we quickly grow risk-averse. Why bother going out on a limb when no one is willing to provide us with a safety net below? UNLEARNING LEARNED HELPLESSNESS Learned helplessness cannot be solved with a mental health day or a team lunch. It is a systemic issue that requires structural repair. That responsibility must start at the top. However, employees aren't powerless either. 1. Start with boundaries Both leaders and staff members should be well-versed in boundaries. That clarity is the first line of protection for both parties. Are we respecting the terms laid out in our employment contracts, such as working hours, role definitions, and rest periods? Or are we glorifying burnout and unpaid overtime as "loyalty" or "commitment"? Leaders should know when they are demanding too much of their teams, and workers should recognise when they are being handed responsibilities that don't belong to them. 2. Offer pathways, not just blocks Both bosses and workers need to create a culture where pushback isn't punished. We say we want input and feedback, but how do we respond to them? Are we simply saying "no" to save ourselves the effort of trying? Do we strive to make our criticism constructive, rather than restrictive or destructive? This isn't about softening the truth – it's about communicating it in a way that encourages discussion and collaboration instead of shutting it down altogether. Don't just say: "This doesn't make sense." Explain why. Instead of "This is ugly" or "That's dumb", say: "Here's what needs to be adjusted before it could work." 3. Praise good effort I once worked with a senior colleague who started every quarterly meeting with a segment recognising and celebrating good work from team members. Even projects that didn't hit their numbers were spotlighted if the thinking and execution behind them were strong. The result was undeniable: Team members consistently felt appreciated and were motivated to work harder and think bigger. And no, I'm not saying bosses should baby their staff members. A simple "good work on that" can go a long way in showing employees that their efforts matter. Appreciation doesn't only have to flow downwards. Teammates can celebrate each other's small wins and give and share credit generously. Can we ever build a real culture of gratitude if we only clap for each other when we're told to do so? MAKE EFFORT VALUABLE AGAIN In this day and age, where artificial intelligence and other developments are putting more jobs at risk, we must rethink our roles in the workplace. Are we here to mindlessly check off items on a to-do list? Or are we thinking and feeling beings with more to offer than our Excel skills? As for myself, I'm making it a point to self-audit more frequently: Have I been feeling disengaged, tired or uncharacteristically disinterested in speaking up at work? How are my ideas, energy and initiative received? Do I feel like I can make a difference? If not, are there ways I can do better, whether as a leader, a team member or an individual? Learned helplessness may be dragging us down, but we can still unlearn it.
