How to train your brain to not take things personally

Time of India

31-05-2025

We've all been there when someone makes a comment, criticises our work, or doesn't reply to a message, and suddenly we're spiraling into self-doubt. Taking things personally is a natural response, especially when we feel vulnerable or insecure.
But if left unchecked, this habit can impact our mental well-being, our relationships, and even our career growth.
Today, communication is often rushed, and feedback can be blunt or misinterpreted; learning how not to take things personally is a necessary emotional skill. The ability to detach from perceived remarks or criticisms doesn't mean you become indifferent, it means you become more grounded and resilient.
As bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz writes in his book The Four Agreements, 'Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.' His advice is a reminder that much of what we perceive as personal often isn't. It's about them, not you.
Here are some practical ways to develop this essential skill
Recognize that everyone has their own reality
One of the biggest reasons we take things personally is assuming that others see the world the same way we do.
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In reality, the personalities of people are driven by their own experiences, beliefs, and emotional baggage. As Don Miguel Ruiz says, 'What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.' If someone lashes out or dismisses you, it likely has more to do with their inner world than with you.
Pause before you react
Our initial reaction to criticism or conflict is often emotional. Taking a moment to pause can help to shift from reaction to reflection.
Asking oneself that is it really about me, or is this person just having a bad day? By delaying your response, one gives their rational brain time to catch up with their emotions. This small habit can make a huge difference in how you process interactions.
Building self-awareness and realising your worth
When we have low self-esteem, we're more likely to personalise every negative incident upon us. Strengthening self-worth creates a buffer against other people's opinions.
Journaling, therapy, or even practicing positive affirmations can help to inculcate the belief that your value doesn't depend on how others treat you.
Don't assume their intentions
Sometimes we create an entire narrative based on a single comment, message, or glance. Instead of filling in the blanks with worst-case assumptions, seek clarity. If something bothers you, consider asking for clarification in a respectful way. Often, misunderstandings come up not from hatred, but also from poor communication.
Letting go of the need for approval
Not everyone will like you or agree with you, and that's okay. Trying to gain universal approval is not only impossible but exhausting. True confidence comes from making your actions also speak along with your values, not from chasing external validation. Letting go of the need to be understood or accepted by everyone is necessary for a positive mindset and growth.
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