How to overcome the fear of being cringe in the dating realm

Yahoo

5 hours ago

"That blue umbrella is still stashed under my bed," Carletta says, recalling the fateful evening that she was declared 'cringe' by a certified Cool person. Two years ago, the policy analyst met her friends at a wine bar in New York and carried an extra umbrella in case someone forgot and got stuck in the rain. "This girl — she does ballet, has the longest eyelashes, and moves through the world effortlessly — said it was a bit try-hard and cringe of me, you bet I've never lugged another umbrella again," Carletta confesses.
If that made you wince even a little, you're probably familiar with the apparent social prison of being caught in a cringe moment. Lately, it seems as if we're playing a complex game where you have to duck fast enough to dodge any allegations of cringe. Emojis can be cringe (the awkward grimace, the skull, the thumbs up!), liking someone's Instagram Story within seconds of posting can be cringe, calling it a Brat Summer in 2025 can be cringe — anything goes. People have published books on how to avoid being cringe in the digital age, while TikTok has multiple hashtags from #DatingCringe to #CringeFriend that have amassed tens of millions of posts.
SEE ALSO: Has social media made sightseeing deeply uncool?
But the internet's cringe-obsession could be keeping young people from pursuing the things in life they want the most.
So what is this all-too-familiar feeling that makes you want to curl up in a ball and crawl out of your skin? "Cringe is a type of vicarious embarrassment that you feel when you or someone else deviates from a social expectation. It is usually experienced in the presence of others and makes us feel like we don't belong," explains Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College.
While cringe itself is a social emotion, this race to curate a persona that knows what's in and what's out seems to be holding us back from developing honest and vulnerable relationships.
Per Hinge's Gen Z report, 56 percent of young daters believe that worrying about rejection has held them back from pursuing a romantic connection, while a study from market research firm Morning Consult reveals that 51 percent of Gen Z feel too socially awkward to develop meaningful relationships.
"The fear of cringe first impacts your relationship with yourself by creating self-doubt and then bleeds into how you interact with others by dissuading you from showing up authentically," Cope adds. In the internet era, when anyone can become a viral TikTok within seconds, we are so focused on protecting our performative image of coolness that seeking genuine friendships takes a backseat.
So, how can we overcome this anxiety of cringe purgatory and learn to be vulnerable again? Speaking to those who have battled cringe, and the experts with tips on how to refocus our priorities, Mashable has a guide to working it all out.
Alina, a sales associate from London, has stopped liking strangers' Instagram Reels unless they feature puppies. "When you're scrolling on Instagram, it shows if someone you follow has liked the video — I despise this feature. I'm always scared of double-tapping on videos that are ha-ha funny at the moment but may seem cringe to someone else later. I don't want that to define me," she shares.
In the internet era, when anyone can become a viral TikTok within seconds, we are so focused on protecting our performative image of coolness that seeking genuine friendships takes a backseat.
At a time when the average American spends over seven hours a day online, we have convinced ourselves that what we post, share, and (in this case) like is a micro-expression of who we are. In the hopes of staying on top of the social ladder, people often restrict themselves online, transforming a space that was once a shrine for silly selfies and wholesome moments with friends into a hyper-curated grid of shareable content.
Club this with the present techno-cultural landscape where icks (turn offs) and trends change at breakneck speed, and you quickly realise, it is nearly impossible to keep up with what is or isn't classified as cringe.
Cope reminds us, "The social expectation from people is rapidly evolving online. Even if you try to keep up with trends, the act of being cool and not cringe is always just out of reach, pushing you to endlessly participate in this self-evolution and impeding a true understanding of your own likes and dislikes."
We need to realise that chasing this ideal is standing in the way of real conversations and long-lasting connections. After all, how can we develop authentic relationships if we're too busy jumping on the bandwagon of the latest trend?
Maybe the memes were right all along: to be cringe is to be free. If the anxiety of coming across icky suppresses our quirks and forces us to play it cool when we want to reach out, it erases the messy, honest parts of us that make us who we are.
"Love lies in the moments we let our guard down, to have deep, meaningful relationships, we have to stop trying to be palatable," says Moe Ari Brown, Hinge's love and connection expert. This is often easier said than done, so Brown suggests taking it one little step at a time.
"Practice micro-moments of realness, instead of going all-in immediately, start by sharing something personal. You could say, 'This is a little awkward, but I want to be honest.' These moments build trust and emotional muscle memory," the expert explains.
It could also help to gently shift your mindset around raw, open conversations. Make a conscious effort to avoid skipping to the worst-case scenario and assuming someone will find you weird. Give them the chance to surprise you or to understand you better.
Friendship coach and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson believes the first step to undoing the fear of cringe is to identify if the feeling is rooted in you or borrowed from the people around you. "The frequency matters: if I'm always afraid of being cringe or of looking foolish, that could be rooted in a deeper self-esteem issue," she says. "But if it comes up with a specific set of people, it may expose a fragility in the relationship."
In the case of the latter, it is important to introspect on why these individuals have this impact on you. Could it be that you feel intimidated in their presence? Could it be that their actions make you feel less than? If this is a burgeoning relationship that matters to you, it may be worth having a conversation to flag how you're feeling. It is also paramount to remember that your friends are not drawn to you because of how cool you are, as cliché as it sounds, it's the deeper, gooey stuff matters a lot more.
While we are socialised to believe that an embarrassing moment is the be-all and end-all, it is actually far from it. If someone is ready to receive and create space for a relationship, whether you use uncool emojis or outdated slang is not going to send them running to the hills. In fact, a Bumble spokesperson told Mashable that 36 percent of Gen Z believe they can move past an ick. Even if you think of the people closest to you, it's likely that you didn't build those connections by being perfect and distant.
Carletta is trying to be more expressive, too. "The umbrella thing stays with me, but I am putting myself in more uncomfortable spots. I recently approached a girl in a cafe to compliment her outfit and only realised later that I had something in my teeth. The old me would die from the embarrassment of seeming like a friendless loser, but the new me is trying to laugh it off as cute cringe," she says.
In the moments that we feel critical of ourselves, it's important to unpack the cringe taboo and remember that we are complex, multidimensional individuals. Yes, we can do stupid, silly things that may be deemed uncool by the social powers that be, but by accepting our whole selves, we are opening up space for real, unfiltered relationships where vulnerability isn't withheld, it's invited.