‘Mere dost bhi saare NRI the': Janhvi Kapoor recalls faking a Spanish accent in school to fit in; why children mask their true selves to be accepted

Indian Express

4 days ago

Fitting in can often come at the cost of authenticity, especially during school years when social acceptance feels paramount.
Many young people alter parts of themselves, be it appearance, behaviour, or even speech, to feel included or seen. Janhvi Kapoor opened up about how she once adopted a fake accent in school just to blend in with her peers, something she now calls 'very stupid.'
In an interview with Mashable India, Janhvi said, 'I studied in a school where you could pick your second language, first being English because all of the teachers were mainly from out of India. And I, for some reason, picked Spanish. I don't know why.'
Admitting that she can only speak basic Spanish, she added, 'I think woh hota hai na IB school mein thi, aur mere dost bhi saare NRI the, toh main bhi fake accent laga ke cool lange ki koshish karti thi (I think it was because I was in an IB school, and all my friends were NRIs too, so I used to put on a fake accent and try to sound cool), which was very stupid. But then I realised that if I want to tell stories of this country, then I need to understand the people of this country, sound like them, tell their stories. I need to speak to this audience and I can't do that with like, Spanish.'
This touches on a familiar feeling of changing oneself to belong and raises important questions about identity, self-esteem, and social pressures that start early and often stay with us.
Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, 'The major psycho-social conflict for a 12-18 year old is 'Identity vs Role Confusion,' meaning that their identity is still not formed and are rather exploring different 'versions of the Self' and to see which one is more comforting.'
Peer approval can feel like the ultimate validation. Arora adds, 'In school settings, kids may notice certain behaviours, ways of speaking, or even cultural references being more 'accepted' or admired. In this context, faking an accent isn't just about language; it's about survival. It's an attempt to bridge a perceived gap between who they are and who they think 'they need to be' to belong.'
When children feel they must 'perform' to be liked, they may slowly internalize the idea that their natural self isn't good enough. Over time, this can create confusion between their authentic personality and the persona they put on for others.
Arora continues, 'Some might grow out of it, by therapy, finding what they truly like, finding meaningful connections. But for others, it can lead to emotional dissonance, anxiety in social situations, or a fragile sense of self that's built on external validation rather than inner confidence.'
Authenticity and unconditional positive regard. Arora suggests, 'The first step is creating environments — at home and in school, where individuality is celebrated, not judged. When kids are praised for who they are rather than how well they 'fit in,' they learn to value their uniqueness. Open conversations help too.'
Parents and educators must also watch what they model. Children pick up quickly on whether we, as adults, alter our behavior to match social settings. Authenticity isn't just taught, it's demonstrated.