Why Gaslighting At Work Can Be Worse Than Passive Aggressive Behavior

Forbes

6 hours ago

Why Gaslighting At Work Can Be Worse Than Passive Aggressive Behavior
If you have ever walked out of a meeting questioning your memory, your judgment, or even your value, you are not alone. You might be experiencing gaslighting or passive-aggressive behavior at work. Both are more common than most people realize and both can quietly chip away at your confidence. What is gaslighting? The term gaslighting comes from a 1944 movie where a husband tries to drive his wife crazy by convincing her she's imagining things. In the workplace, gaslighting isn't always so obvious, but the effects can be just as harmful. Passive-aggressive behavior may seem less severe at first, but over time it creates resentment and confusion. The two behaviors both damage communication and trust. Understanding how they work, how to spot them, and what to do when they appear is key to protecting your emotional well-being and your professional growth. These behaviors can erode curiosity, silence good ideas, and drive talented people out the door. And when that happens, performance and culture both suffer.
What Do Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior Look Like At Work?
What Do Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior Look Like At Work?
Workplace gaslighting is a psychological tactic used to manipulate others into doubting their own perception of reality. Think about that for a moment. Someone deliberately tries to make you believe something that is an intentional distortion rather than disagreement. It happens when someone repeatedly invalidates another person's concerns, blames them for things they did not do, or pretends a conversation never happened. That might sound cruel, and sometimes it is not even intentional, but it can be damaging.
On the surface, gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior can seem similar. Both leave you questioning what just happened. But they are fundamentally different. Passive-aggressive behavior is usually an indirect expression of frustration, like sarcasm, procrastination, or silent resistance. Gaslighting is an attempt to make you question your reality. One avoids conflict. The other manipulates perception. And while both are toxic, gaslighting can be much more destabilizing.
Here are a few examples of passive-aggressive behavior at work:
Here are a few examples of gaslighting at work:
In many cases, the person being gaslit starts to internalize the blame. That is what makes it so effective and so dangerous. As Dr. Robin Stern, psychologist and author of The Gaslight Effect, explains, victims often doubt themselves and their instincts. When this happens at work, it creates confusion, self-doubt, and disengagement.
Why Are Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior So Damaging To Workplace Culture?
Why Are Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior So Damaging To Workplace Culture?
Gaslighting creates fear, and fear kills curiosity. When people feel unsafe speaking up, they go silent, innovation stalls, and mistakes go unreported. Employees who once felt energized by their work start to pull back emotionally or leave altogether. Passive-aggressive behavior also contributes to a toxic work environment. While it may seem less intense, its persistent nature fosters resentment, confusion, and a breakdown in communication.
A study from the Workplace Bullying Institute found that more than 30% of employees have experienced some form of bullying at work, and gaslighting was a common thread. This is especially problematic because gaslighting often hides behind power structures. A senior leader might be the one doing it, intentionally or not. And because they have influence, others might defend or excuse the behavior.
What makes gaslighting more damaging is its effect on a person's identity and psychological stability. While passive-aggressive behavior often triggers frustration, gaslighting can trigger self-doubt, anxiety, and even trauma. It not only changes how someone feels about work, it can alter how they see themselves. These behaviors also create a ripple effect. Once one person is treated this way, others take note. They learn it is not safe to challenge, to question, or to think independently. Over time, that kind of environment becomes hostile to curiosity and psychological safety. People learn to adapt rather than engage, and that hurts business.
How Can You Respond To Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work?
How Can You Respond To Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work?
If you suspect gaslighting or passive-aggressive behavior is happening to you or someone you manage, there are steps you can take to bring clarity back into your workplace interactions.
Start by documenting conversations and decisions. That can ensure clarity. Keep written records of assignments, expectations, and performance discussions. Use email to confirm verbal conversations. Paraphrasing back what you have heard is a very effective technique to ensure understanding, and it is especially helpful if you suspect gaslighting. If someone tries to claim a conversation never happened, you will have something neutral to refer back to.
Next, you do not have to accuse someone of gaslighting or being passive-aggressive, but you can call out inconsistencies in a factual, calm tone. For example, say, 'I want to be sure we are on the same page. I remember that conversation differently. Here is what I have in my notes.' Curiosity is powerful here. It allows you to challenge distortion without escalating into confrontation.
It also helps to build allies. Isolation is one of the goals of gaslighting. Counter it by staying connected to people who can validate your experiences. That might include HR, a mentor, or even a peer who witnessed the behavior. These behaviors lose their grip when the person being targeted is not alone.
If you are in a leadership role, be proactive. These behaviors often thrive in ambiguity. Create channels where employees can speak up without fear. Train managers on how to handle feedback and conflict without resorting to psychological tactics. Promote transparency and reward open communication.
Why Curiosity Helps Protect You From Both Gaslighting And Passive Aggression
Why Curiosity Helps Protect You From Both Gaslighting And Passive Aggression
Curiosity creates space to explore rather than assume. When someone says something that contradicts your experience, a curious question like, 'Can you help me understand how you saw that?' shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration. It also gives you a moment to pause, reflect, and stay grounded in what you know to be true.
In my research on workplace curiosity, I found that one of the biggest blockers is fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being dismissed. Fear of speaking up. Gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior exploit all of those fears. That is why building a culture of curiosity is a safeguard against manipulation. It reinforces psychological safety and helps people separate facts from spin.
The Bottom Line On Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work
The Bottom Line On Gaslighting And Passive Aggressive Behavior At Work
Gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior are real threats to employee well-being and organizational health. While both undermine communication and trust, gaslighting causes deeper harm because it leads people to question their own thinking and reality. That level of psychological manipulation has a more lasting impact, not just on individuals, but on culture and performance. Recognizing these behaviors, addressing them early, and creating systems that support psychological safety can restore trust and reignite curiosity. People do their best work when they are confident, heard, and clear about what is real. That starts with having the courage to name what is happening, and the curiosity to explore what comes next.